One Heart Beat For Every Lost Day
by faith-in-Faith
Summary: Someone want somebody to come back will it happen... FINALLY! The last chapter is up!.. PLEASE R
1. Chapter One

TITLE: One heart beat for every lost day... 

AUTHOR: faithinFaith

E-MAIL: 

DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of this characters, I just use them for inspiration. : )

RATING: PG-13

SPOILERS: Up to, and including season four, but this one starts BEFORE "He said, she said".

AUTHORS NOTE: **First: **This is my first fan fic ever.... PLEASE read and review.

**Second:** My first language is NOT English, but two people have been correcting this for me, but if there still is something wrong that bothers you, please let me know. : )

Third: This is about Bosco and Faith, just building it up a little at first.... 

**Four: THANKS** to Carina and Wineintowater for helping me to correct this and giving me enough courage to post it. : )

ONE HEART BEAT FOR EVERY LOST DAY... 

CHAPTER ONE.

5:00 pm

Anna jumped by the sound of the door slammed shout and almost dropped the plate with chicken on the floor. 'OK,' she thought to herself, putting it down on the table. 'Let's see what kind of mood he is in today.' She heard his steps coming down the hallway, and took a deep breath and smiled her nicest 'I love you' smile.

"Hi, honey, what have you been doing all day?" he asked, kissing her lips.

"The usual things, but I baked your favourite cake, too," she answered, kissing him back.

His eyes narrowed immediately. "What have you done this time," he asked the anger evident in his voice.

She took a shaky breath, "Nothing, I swear. I just thought you needed something to cheer you up, since you usually have a hard day when it rains this much outside," she replied quietly.

He stared at her for a moment and then he smiled. "You really are a good wife, aren't you?"

"I try," she smiled back. 'That was a close one,' she thought to herself.

"The dinner is ready. We'll better eat before it gets cold."

"Yeah, where're the boys?"

"In their room, playing."

"SamuelAdam! Dinner!" he shouted.

She hated when he shouted their names like that. It sounded more like the beer than their names. The boys came running immediately, and sat down at the table.

"Hey, champs," their father said

"Hi," came the unison replay.

Anna served the food in silence and they ate in silence. They all knew the rules and they also knew the consequences if they broke them. So, they remained silent, waiting for him to say something.

"So how was your day, Samuel?"

"Good, Ma took us to the park for a while." He glanced at his mother, unsure if he was getting her in trouble by saying that.

Thomas frowned. "Adam, did you meet anyone there?"

"Yes, Noah, and his mother were there, too."

"No one else?"

"No, no one."

"You know what happens if you lie, right?"

"Yes, I would never lie to you, Dad!" Adams eyes widened in fear.

"Good, good, are you finished with your food?"

"Yes, Dad, I am."

"Samuel?"

"Yes, Dad, I'm finished, too."

"Then you can watch TV for a while."

"Thanks for dinner, Mom," they both said, before running off to the living room.

"They're very polite nowadays," he said proudly.

'Yes, because you scare the shit out of them all the time,' she thought tiredly. "Yes, they are good boys," she answered, and faked her best smile at him.

"Why don't you go and sit down in the living room with the boys? I'll make some coffee and bring you some cake," she suggested, as she stood up and started to clear the table.

"Sounds like a really good idea," he replied, standing up behind her and kissed her neck. She closed her eyes tightly and wished she were someplace else.

"Are you working tomorrow?"

She could feel his grip tighten around her arms. "Yes, I am."

He swung her around so he could see her face and his eyes narrowed as he said, "You know I don't like that you're working."

"I know, I hate it just as much as you do but we really need the money," she replied, begging that he didn't see the lie in her eyes. She loved her work. It made her feel normal and it was the only thing that gave her a reason to leave the house, without him questing her reasons to do so.

"Yeah, well," he let go of her arms. "Just remember what I told you. No socializing, and no overtime. You're going straight home, so that the boys and I can have our meal in time."

"But, Thomas," she protested – although, she knew better. "You know it's not for me to decide when overtime is necessary or not."

He took hold of her arms again and squeezed them hard as he said, his voice very low, "You know what happens if you try to be a smart ass with me, right?"

The anger in his eyes made her shiver and she nodded. He took hold of her right arm with both his hands and twisted it as hard as he could. She winced in pain but not a sound escaped from her lips.

"Good, now get me that coffee and the cake before I completely lose my patience with you," he spat angrily.

"Yes, Thomas, please forgive me," she answered quietly.

He didn't reply. He just turned and walked away into the living room.

Anna bit her bottom lip and sighed. How on earth did she get herself into this mess? She always thought she knew better, and she really _should _know better. She was a nurse for Christ sake. She'd seen what happed to the women who didn't get out in time. She had seen it happen to people she knew and loved, witnessed how one man ruined the life of three innocent people. Her father _never_ lay a hand on her mother, so she knew this was wrong and that she was in big trouble, and still.... here she was, taken all this bullshit from him. What was wrong with her? She sighed once more and reached for the plate with the chicken on it. When she did, she felt the pain from his twist, and she couldn't hold on to the plate. It slipped out of her hand and down on the floor and shattered into a million pieces.

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath _now_she's in trouble - that's for sure!

She hear him yell her name and hear his angry steps coming closer, and she prays to God it won't be so hard this time - but he doesn't hear her. Today isn't a day of mercy.

"What the hell do you think are you doing? Do you think I work all day to be able to buy you things just so you can break them whenever you want?" he shouts.

"I'm sorry," she whispers.

"Sorry isn't good enough this time."

The rage in his eyes is enormous and when the first punch hit her on the cheek she knows she's in deep, deep trouble, because usually he's to smart to hit her someplace where anyone else can see. He usually hits her in the chest and stomach, and kicks her in her private parts, but her face, neck, lower arms and legs he usually leaves alone. Today - for some reason - is different. He continues to beat her all over and with the second impact to her head; she hit the floor. Still, no sound escapes from her lips. "Bosco's girls don't cry," had been his last words to her and that had become her mantra. Whatever Thomas does to her she won't cry. That, and the thought of Bosco, is the only things that keep her alive and sane.

She always thinks about him when Thomas hits her - always. She really doesn't know why. After all, he did leave her. She hasn't seen him in twelve years. He could be dead for all she knows, and still.... It's his face she sees, his face that keeps her going. Her never fading hope that one day he will changes his mind and come back to her, is the only thing that keeps her alive. She wants him to come back so badly - because she loves him. Always has and always will. Sure, he's a jerk, and sure he always breaks her heart - one way or another - but still he's the best thing that ever happened to her, and he would never do something like this to her. That she knows for sure.

She had known him since they were twelve and their friendship had always been strong and unconditional. He kept her safe from all the idiots in school and she gave him a place to recover and regroup, when his home life was too much for him to handle.

Loving each other had been the next logical step, but in the end it hadn't worked out. He had run away like he always did when someone wanted love from him. He came back, but then he ran away again, and this time it obviously was for good. Still, all she hoped for was for him to come back and rescue her from this hell - but he never did.

Thomas kept beating and kicking her all over, now using a baseball- bat. Anna felt herself starting to slip into unconsciousness when she suddenly came to think about the boys. She prayed to God that they had runaway to the neighbour across the hall, like they always did when Thomas beat her up because then at least they were safe.

The last thing Anna saw before the darkness was overwhelming her was the imagination of Bosco's boyish smile. Once again, she wished that he would come and rescue her - but he didn't. Not that it matter anyway, after all, what could Maurice Boscorelli do about a cop that liked to beat up his wife....


	2. Chapter two

TITLE: One heart beat for every lost day.  
  
AUTHOR: faith_in_Faith  
  
E-MAIL: faith_in_Faith@hotmail.com  
  
DISCLAIMER: I don't owe this characters, I just use them for inspiration.  
  
RATING: PG-13  
  
SPOILERS: Up to and including season four but this one starts BEFORE "she said, he said".  
  
AUTHORS NOT: Please read and review!  
  
CHAPTER TWO.  
  
9:00 pm.  
  
"Can you tell me why we always have to take this domestic calls?" Bosco said annoyed as he drove the RMP down the street. Faith sighed. "Maybe because that's what cops do?" Bosco just rolled his eyes and continued to drive.  
  
"Witch apartment was it?" Bosco asked.  
  
"53B," Faith answered.  
  
They went up the stairs and found the door. Faith knocked, and an old man with white hair and a beard opened the door. "Did you call in a domestic disturbance sir?" Faith asked.  
  
"Yes", the man said. "It's the apartment across the hall. I think he beats his wife every now and then, because their kids come running to me, scared as hell, but they never say a word about what has happened and I never hear a sound, so that's why I never have called in before.." His voice trailed off.  
  
"And exactly what made you call it in this time?" Bosco said impatiently.  
  
"I saw him leave almost two hours ago. He always leaves afterwards, and then she usually comes and gets the boys, but not today. It's way after their bed time so I was afraid he might have hurt her this time."  
  
" He always hurt her," came a little voice from behind the man. Both Bosco and Faith looked down and saw a little boy with brown curly hair and big blue eyes looking up at them.  
  
"Hey there champ," Bosco said as he crouched down in front of the boy. "What's your name?"  
  
" I'm Samuel," the boy said quietly.  
  
" Okay, Samuel do you want to tell me what you think have happened to your mother?"  
  
" You're a cop, right?"  
  
Bosco smiled, "Yes I am."  
  
"Are you a good cop or a bad cop? "the boy asked, his face very serious.  
  
Bosco felt confused and looked up on Faith for support:  
  
" Don't you worry, "Faith said smiling down at the boy. "He's a really good cop, and he likes to help people who's in trouble, actually we both do."  
  
"Is he nice to his wife too?"  
  
"Yeah well, he has no wife but if he had one I'm sure he would be really nice to her," Faith said, her voice very serious. Bosco felt more and more confused. What the hell was all this about? He started to get a very bad feeling about it though.  
  
"If I tell you, will you arrest my dad then?" He looked at Bosco again.  
  
"If he has hurt your mother I will, yes."  
  
"But he told Ma no one would help her because a cop never arrests another cop." The boy looked at Bosco with sadness in his eyes.  
  
" Shut up Samuel! He would beat you if he knew you said these things," another little voice screamed and a boy looking exacts the same as Samuel appeared in the doorway.  
  
Bosco felt his jaw clenched. This couldn't be true, right? There was no way they were dealing with a fucking cop beaten up his wife, right? But deep inside he knew it was true. He could see the fear in the boys' eyes. It was all too familiar to him and all the questions made sense too. He looked up at Faith again and he could see the same anger and disgust in her eyes as he felt. He cleared his voice:  
  
"Well, actually we do. Good cops arrest bad cops, right Faith?" he said looking up at her again.  
  
"That's right," she answered, looking down at the boys giving them a reassuring smile.  
  
"So if we tell you, he go to jail, right?" the other little boy asked.  
  
"Yes, he does. I wouldn't let him hurt you or your Ma again. OK?"  
  
"Promise?"  
  
"Promise," Bosco said firmly.  
  
" He hurt her all the time," Samuel said. " Sometimes with a baseball bat. She has a lot of pain," he said, tears now in his eyes.  
  
"OK, my partner and I will check into your Ma. You two stay with Mr?" Bosco stood up and looked at the man.  
  
"Hanson " the man said.  
  
"Stay here with Mr Hanson. We'll be right back, OK?"  
  
"OK" the boys said in unison.  
  
"What's your mothers name?" Faith asked.  
  
"Anna Lewis" the man said before any of the boys had a chance to respond. "Her name is Anna Lewis."  
  
Faith knocked on the door and called out, " Mrs Lewis, are you all right? You don't have to be afraid. It's the police." The irony of what she just said hit her and she made a face. There was no sound from the apartment. Faith tried again a little louder this time, still nothing.  
  
"We have to get in there right away! "Bosco said impatiently, feeling how the anger filled him.  
  
"You're right, she's probably badly hurt," Faith said looking at him worriedly.  
  
"Step back," he said as he kicked the door open.  
  
There was nothing to see in the hallway, so Faith headed towards the living room and Bosco towards the kitchen. He immediately spotted a woman on the floor and rushed to her side and knelt down. He felt for a pulse and found one, week, but it was there. He could tell she was breathing on her own too. He felt relived; at least he didn't have to tell the boys out there that their mother was dead.  
  
"In here Faith," he shouted and then he said in his radio "55 David to central, we need a bus on the rush at this location."  
  
" The bus is on its way 55 David."  
  
He looked down at the woman who was very badly beaten. Blood, cuts and bruises were all over her. He cursed under his breath silently promising himself that this bastard was going to pay. No one did this to a woman, especially not a cop. He heard Faith take in a breath behind him and turned to look at her.  
  
"Oh my God", she said quietly, thinking about that one of "their own" had done this.  
  
Bosco just looked at her for a moment "I called for a bus," he said at last.  
  
"Good", she nodded.  
  
Bosco turned his attention back to the woman on the floor. There was something vaguely familiar about her, but it could be his imagination. She was so badly beaten that it was hard to tell what she really looked like. Suddenly she opened her eyes and looked directly at him. Her big light blue eyes looked at him filled with confusion and fear as she tried to move. He carefully put his hand on her chest to stop her from moving so that she didn't injure herself any further. He smiled at her and said in a reassuring voice:  
  
"Don't you worry, everything is gonna be just fine. I know you are in a lot of pain right now but I have called for the paramedics and they'll be here soon. They'll take care of you."  
  
Suddenly their eyes locked and he stared at her in chock. It couldn't be her, right? It just couldn't, but he knew it was. He could see in her eyes that she recognized him and he would recognize those eyes anywhere. It was the very same eyes that hunted him in his dreams to remind him about what he had lost because he was an idiot, and because he was afraid to love. Afraid he would end up doing something like this.  
  
"Anna!" he whispered barely audible.  
  
She tried to say something, but she couldn't. The bastard had probably brooked her jaw, he thought angrily. She didn't have to say anything though. He knew her well enough to read the questions in her eyes and know what to answer.  
  
"Yes, Anna it's me. It's Bosco," he said, his voice almost failing him because of all the mixed emotions he felt, and managed to give her a little smile.  
  
"Don't you worry about a thing, OK? The boys are all right, and everything is gonna be just fine. I promise." He took her hand and squeezed it carefully. She squeezed his hand back very weakly, her eyes never leaving his.  
  
"It's gonna be OK," he said once again, still smiling.  
  
"I'll make this hell go away. You just stay alive, OK?" he squeezed her hand again.  
  
"Let's make a deal, he said. I'll make this hell go away and you just stay alive, OK?" A weak pressure to his hand was her answer before she closed her eyes again.  
  
"Anna!" he said loudly feeling for her pulse again, relief filled him as he found it.  
  
"Bosco?" Faith said, her voice mixed with confusion and worry. " Do you know her?"  
  
"Yeah, I know her," he said sadly. 


	3. Chapter three

TITLE: One heart beat for every lost day...  
  
AUTHOR: faith_in_Faith  
  
E-MAIL: faith_in_Faith@hotmail.com  
  
DISCLAIMER: I don't owe these characters, just using them for inspiration (  
  
RATING: PG-13  
  
SPOILERS: Up to and including season four, but this one starts BEFORE "He said, She said"  
  
AUTHORS NOTE: Here you are, a new chapter! Thanks for the reviews. They made me SMILE, and thanks again Carina and Wine_into_Water for encourage me all the time. I couldn't do it without you ( R&R PLEASE!!!  
  
CHAPTER THREE  
  
The first thing Anna was aware of was the pain. It wasn't like anything she had ever felt before. She hurt everywhere and the pain was so severe that it was like it intoxicated her. She felt sick and it was hard to breathe, it felt like she was drowning. As she struggled to open her eyes, she heard someone pounding at the door and shouting something, but she couldn't figure out what it was. What has happen to me? she thought, giving up the try to open her eyes. It hurt too much and she was too tired.  
  
Suddenly there was a loud bang from the hallway and in that moment she remembered it all and fear flooded throw her. Oh, please God don't let it be him, she begged desperately, and this time God did hear her, because it wasn't him.  
  
Anna could hear steps coming closer and closer to her and then someone drop down beside her. She felt warm, gentle fingers against her neck, and the person beside her shouted:  
  
" In here, Faith!" and then more quiet: "55 David to central, we need a bus on the rush at this location"  
  
Relief flowed through her; someone had found her, someone was going to help her. . There was something familiar about the voice and once again Anna struggled to open her eyes. She could hear light footsteps approaches and a female voice said:  
  
"Oh my God!"  
  
"I called for a bus," the other voice said.  
  
Anna was sure now, she knew that voice, but she couldn't place it, she just HAD to open her eyes so that she could see the person who sat beside her, she just had to! She tried to open her eyes again and this time she succeeded.  
  
At first everything was blurry, but when her vision cleared she saw that the person sitting beside her was a man dressed like a cop. She looked at his face and got scared of herself, because the face she saw was Bosco's face. The pain really has intoxicated me she thought, because now I'm seeing things. She tried to sit up to get a better vision, but the man who looked like Bosco carefully put a hand on her chest to hold her still, smiled Bosco's smile and said:  
  
"Don't you worry everything gonna be just fine, I know you are in a lot of pain right now, but I have had called for the paramedics and they'll be her soon. They'll take care of you."  
  
Suddenly their eyes locked and she found herself looking into a pair of beautiful, dark blue eyes, Bosco's eyes. Her heart skipped a beat. It was Bosco. It really was! She could hardly believe her eyes, but now she was sure, it was him. She could see in his eyes that he had recognized her too and then he whispered her name. Calm floated through her body and for the first time in teen years she felt safe. He had finally come back to her, to rescue her, and now she was safe. Noting could harm her when he was around, that she'd learn from experience. She tried to say something, but she couldn't move her jaw, there was something wrong with it. She wanted to talk to him so badly, to ask him if it really was him, if he had found her boys, why it took him so long to came back and a thousand of other questions that crossed her mind. Suddenly he began to speak again and then she knew for sure it was him, not only because he said so, but because he still could read her mind.  
  
"Yes Anna, it's me, it's Bosco"  
  
"Don't you worry about a thing, OK? The boys are all right and everything gonna be just fine, I promise."  
  
She felt him gently squeeze her hand and manage to squeeze it back.  
  
"It's gonna be OK," he said once more and smiled the smile she loved so much, against her.  
  
She could hear all the emotions in his voice and suddenly she felt sorry for him. He had never been good at these things and finding her like this after all these years, was probably killing him inside, and still he smiled at her and promised her that everything was going to be okay, like he always did.  
  
"I make this hell go away, you just stay alive, OK?"  
  
She believed him, if anyone could make this right, it was him. He could do anything.  
  
"Let's make a deal; I make this hell go away, you just stay alive, OK?"  
  
She felt him squeeze her hand again. She tried to squeeze back but wasn't sure she really was, because she was getting dizzy again and it was hard to get her body to obey her wishes. Of course I'll stay alive, you silly, she thought, smiling inside, there was not a chance in hell that she would die now when he had finally come back to her! She just had to rest for a while because she was so tired. She started to close her eyes treasuring the sight of his face above her. He came back, she thought once again; maybe this was a day of mercy after all.  
  
The last thing she heard before losing consciousness again was him calling her name.  
  
"Bosco?" Faith said her voice mixed with confusion and worry. " Do you know her?"  
  
"Yeah, I know her he said sadly.  
  
"How?" she asked.  
  
He signed. "It's along story, but once she was my best friend" he said tiredly.  
  
Faith opened her mouth to ask some more but thought better of it. This was neither the time nor the place for that kind of questions, and actually she couldn't think of any time or any place that would be good for all the questions she had. All she could hope for was for Bosco to tell her voluntary because it was more to this than he wanted to admit. She knew it.  
  
In that moment the paramedics arrived at the scene, it was Doc and Carlos.  
  
"What the hell is this?" Carlos said  
  
"What does it look like?" Bosco said angrily, glaring at Carlos. Doc just sighed and shook his head.  
  
"Come on Bosco" Faith said, tugging his arm "Give them space to work, we gotta tell the boys and take the neighbours statement."  
  
He stood up recurrently; still looking at the women he loved more than he wanted to think of and turned to face Faith. She looked him in the eyes and said quietly:  
  
" Bos, she's in good hands now, they'll take good care of her, and you know it."  
  
He nodded his head and turned to leave.  
  
"Bosco, do you know the boys too?" Faith asked.  
  
He turned and looked at her again. "No I don't" he replied  
  
"Do you want to tell them or should I?"  
  
"No I tell them, I owe her that much" he said, looking down at the floor.  
  
"Okay, I talk to the neighbour then. " She started to get a little bit worried about him, whatever this was about, it was hard on him and she was the one who had to deal with him afterwards and she wasn't looking forward to it.  
  
Bosco stepped out in the hallway and walked up to Mr Hanson's door and knocked on it. Faith was right behind him. The door swung open and Mr Hanson appeared in the doorway.  
  
"Sir", Faith said, "I want to take your statement, my partner will talk to the boys in the mean time "  
  
"OK," Mr Hanson said and he and Faith stepped further down the hall.  
  
Bosco crunched down in the doorway, facing Samuel and Adam. Two pair of frightened blue eyes, Anna's eyes, looked at him and his heart broke, he wanted to be able to take their pain away and he whished there was someway he could take back the time so noting of this ever had happened, but he knew it was impossible so he just smiled weakly against them and said:  
  
"The paramedics are with you mother now. She's hurt pretty bad so she has to go to the hospital."  
  
"He bet her with the baseball bat, didn't he?" Adam said.  
  
"Yeah, he did." Bosco replied, and hated the thought of these children, any children, had to know things like that.  
  
"Is she going to die?" Samuel asked fear in his voice as his bottom lip trembled.  
  
"I don't know Champ, I don't know." Bosco said  
  
Oh Anna, he thought, you better hold your part of the deal, because I really don't know how to fix this otherwise.  
  
In that moment Doc and Carlos brought the stretcher with Anna on it out in the hallway and Bosco quickly took hold of the boys and hold them tight, turning their faces into his chest. He didn't want them to see how badly beaten she was, this was hard on them enough as it was. They didn't move, they just stayed there in his embrace but he could feel them starting to cry.  
  
"We'll take her to Mercy," Doc said.  
  
Bosco nodded, wishing he could go with her, but for now there were other things he had to do, taking care of her boys was one of them, killing that son of a bitch husband of hers was another.  
  
"What will happen to us now?" Samuel said between the sobs as they both pulled away from him. Adam just looked at him in silence, tears running down his cheeks.  
  
"You're going to ride in the police car with Faith and me. We are going to the police station and you have to talk to some nice person about what happened to your Ma, OK?"  
  
"You be there to?" Samuel asked  
  
"Yes I'll be there to."  
  
"All the time?"  
  
"All the time" Bosco said looking the boy straight in the eyes. Then he wiped away both their tears and said:  
  
"Come on, let's go for that ride, OK?  
  
The boys nodded and Bosco held out his hands and took one boy in each hand. They started to walk towards Faith, who closed her note pad; she hade finished taking the neighbours statement and was now ready to leave.  
  
"So are you ready to go for a ride," she asked the boys as she was smiling down at them. They both nodded and they all headed for the stairs.  
  
When they were in the car Faith looked at Bosco who was driving and said;  
  
"The neighbours didn't know anything about any next of kin, but I went back to the apartment and found her address book, do you know anything about it?"  
  
"Her parents are dead but she has a brother, at least she had one twelve years ago."  
  
Twelve years, Faith thought to her self, that's an eternity. I wonder what happened to them.  
  
"Do you remember his name?"  
  
"Of course I do!" he snapped, "I'm not senile "  
  
She sighed "Bos" she said tiredly, " you lost me on this one, you know that right? How am I supposed to know how close you were to her or how long you two were together? For all I know she could be one of your one night stands."  
  
"Well she isn't!" he said angrily " I told you she was my friend!  
  
"Sorry," she sighed again" so what's his name?"  
  
"Steven Brown."  
  
"OK; if he is in the book maybe you can call him when we get to the station."  
  
He sighed heavily "I guess, but I'm not on his "the person I like the best list " that's for sure!"  
  
Faith looked in the review mirror at the two boys sitting there looking lost and lonely.  
  
"This isn't about you Bosco" she said in a very serious voice, eyeing him carefully.  
  
He sighed again " I know Faith, I know" he said as the car came to stop outside the precinct. 


	4. Chapter four

TITLE: One heart beat for every lost day..  
  
AUTHOR: faith_in_Faith  
  
E-MAIL: faith_in_Faith@hotmail.com  
  
DISCLAIMER: I don't owe, just borrow...  
  
RATING: PG-13  
  
SPOILER: Up and including season four, but this one starts BEFORE "He said, She said"  
  
AUTHORS NOTE: Thanks again to Wine_into_Water, without you there wouldn't be any new chapters ( So do you gays want more, or should I drop it? Please let me know!  
  
CHAPTER FOUR  
  
12:00 am  
  
"No Faith, NO! There is no way in hell I'm gonna let the social services take them. They're coming home with me," Bosco said angrily, glaring at Faith.  
  
They stood in the roll call room. Faith had dragged Bosco inside the room when he started to get agitated as he spook to Mrs Wolf, the social worker. She didn't want Samuel and Adam to see how upset he was about this, because that might scare them. They seemed to have gotten very attached to him and if he thought something was wrong then they would too. The boys were now outside eating some hamburgers with Mrs Wolf. They had talked to one of the female detectives with Bosco present all the time, like he had promised. They seemed to coop rather well considering the circumstances, but their eyes searched for Bosco's every now and then, like they needed him to reassure them that everything was okay.  
  
Faith looked him in the eyes and said carefully: "Bos, you can't take them home, and you know it."  
  
"Why?" he said anger still in his voice.  
  
"Because they won't let you." She stated simply.  
  
"Why, why can't I take them?" He asked again, glaring angrily at her.  
  
Faith rolled her eyes "Gee I don't know maybe because you're a hot-headed single cop that most people thinks have lost his mind years ago." She said, looking at him sternly.  
  
"I would take good care of them," he said quietly as his gaze dropped to the floor.  
  
Faiths eyes softened. "I know you would" she said gently "but that isn't an option here"  
  
"Why?" He said anger evident in his voice again. "Why would THEY coming home with ME be such a bad solution?"  
  
Faith sighed; this conversation was starting to make her tired. Why had he had to be so stubborn all the time?  
  
"Come on Bosco, you know the rules; they can't just let anyone take children whenever they like to. Why are you so determined to do this anyway?"  
  
"Because I promised their mom I would make her hell go away and letting the social services take her kids is hardly a good way of doing that!!" He shouted angrily, but Faith could see the despair in his eyes.  
  
"Bos", she said softly, chosen her words carefully; "It's obvious that you care about her and that you for some reason think you owe her to make things right, but this isn't the way, OK?"  
  
He said nothing just stared at her sadly. "It's only for the night, their uncle said he would come and get them first thing in the morning, right? How bad can it be?" she pleaded with him.  
  
"But they trust me I promised them I would be there for them." he said desperately.  
  
"So much more reason for you to be calm about this and assure them it's OK. Why don't we take them there ourselves and then you can go and see them tomorrow when their uncle comes to get them. I'm sure he wants to talk to you." She said in her most reassuring voice, hoping that he would give in.  
  
"Yeah I beat he will," Bosco said under his breath, thinking about the conversation he had had with Anna's brother, he hadn't been happy to hear his voice, that's for sure.  
  
"What?" Faith asked  
  
"Nothing" he replied "I guess you're right, let's go and talk to them," he said as he turned around and started to leave the room.  
  
Faith let out a sigh of relief and followed him.  
  
The boys looked up at Bosco as he stepped out from roll call.  
  
"Hey guys! Were the burgers good?" he asked as he sat down beside them. They both nodded, silently waiting for him to say something more.  
  
"Look, Faith and I gonna drive you to some nice people and you'll stay the night there and then your uncle Steven comes and get you first thing in the morning, OK?"  
  
"You staying too?" Samuel asked. Bosco closed his eyes, GREAT, now he had to upset them even more. I know this was a lousy idea, he thought to himself.  
  
Faith watched him close his eyes and silently begged that he would be able to put his own emotions aside for now. She knew he saw himself in these little boys, and this, for her unknown, but obviously messy connection to their mother didn't help at all, but as she had told him earlier in the car, this wasn't about him, at least not right now.  
  
"No I can't stay, this place is only for kids and I have to finish working, but I'll come over and check on you tomorrow before your uncle comes and get you, OK?"  
  
"Promise?" Samuel said  
  
"Promise, I have to talk to your uncle anyway about some things." He said giving him a reassuring smile.  
  
"But what if Dad comes back to get us?" Adam said in a very small voice.  
  
Bosco cursed under his breath. He hated this; kids weren't supposed to have to worry about things like this, not ever, especially not ANNA'S kids. Bosco turned a little so he could face Adam, looked him straight in the eyes and said:  
  
"He can't take you, he's not aloud to do so since he hurt you mother so bad." And for THAT he's going to PAY, he thought darkly.  
  
"But if he tries and you're not there to stop him?" Adam said in a trembling voice.  
  
Bosco swallowed hard, this really was a nightmare. He wished he'd insisted on taking them home with him instead.  
  
"We tell the people who'll take care of you what he looks like, and if he tries something they'll call the cops."  
  
"But what if they call a bad cop?" Adams voice was barely a whisper.  
  
Bosco couldn't take it any more. He didn't know what to answer so he turned to look at Faith with fear and despair in his eyes. Faith looked first at Bosco and then at Adam and saw the same feelings mirroring in their eyes and her heart brook for both of them. She smiled against them and said, as she silently begged God not to make a liar out of her.  
  
"They only know good cops"  
  
"How do you know that?" Adam said confused.  
  
"Because they are with us and we're the good guys, right?"  
  
A small smile tugged the boy's lips as he said, "Right!"  
  
"That sounds good doesn't it, come on lets go." Bosco said in a rush, hoping they wouldn't ask any more questions he couldn't answer.  
  
"OK" they both said and Bosco let out the breath he'd been holding, smiled and held out his hands for them to take. Samuel took his left and Adam his right and then they started to walk outside while Faith cleared things with Mrs Wolf.  
  
01:00 am  
  
Faith looked sideways at Bosco as he droved down the street. Leaving the boys at the Smiths had been hard on him she could tell that much, but they had accepting it rather well. They didn't cry or begged him to stay, just clung into him a bit and made him promise he'd be back tomorrow.  
  
"They will be OK Bos." She said softly.  
  
"I know." He said staring sternly out the windshield; she could tell he didn't want to look at her. She sighed.  
  
"Bos."  
  
"Don't!" he cut her off. "I DON'T want to talk about it!"  
  
She put up her hands "OK I get it, did you hear me say anything?"  
  
"You were about to!"  
  
"Like you could tell, " she said teasingly, trying to ease his mood. A week smile appeared on his lips and she smiled back. He took in a breath and asked:  
  
"Did you talk to the lieu about her husband?"  
  
"Yeah, when the detectives talked to the boys."  
  
"And?"  
  
"His name is Thomas Lewis and he works the second watch at 32nd precinct. He's known as good cop, nice to his fellow officers and so on. His superior had hard to believe he would do something like this."  
  
"But he did. " Bosco murmured angrily and Faith could feel him tense.  
  
"Have they talked to him yet?"  
  
"No, they don't know were he is"  
  
"Have they looked at all?"  
  
"Yeah, they checked with his partner and with his brother, but he's nowhere to be found. Internal affairs will continue looking, and they will be waiting for him at his precinct tomorrow when he shows up for work."  
  
"If he shows up!" Bosco said bitterly. Faith just nodded.  
  
The RMP came to stop and they both went out and headed to the locker room to change.  
  
" I can come in early to finish the paperwork," she offered.  
  
"Thanks, I appreciate that," he said giving her a weary smile.  
  
"You're going to the hospital now?" she asked, looking at him with concern, knowing he was exhausted both physical and mental, at least she was.  
  
"Yeah" he answered, looking down at his shoes. She hesitated for a moment and then she asked:  
  
"Want me to come?"  
  
"No."  
  
"You're sure?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm sure you don't have to look after me I'll be fine," he said annoyed.  
  
"OK, see you tomorrow then?"  
  
"Yeah, tomorrow. You want a ride?"  
  
"No it's OK I walk, night Bos."  
  
"Night  
  
02:00 am  
  
Bosco stood in the doorway to Anna's room at the ICU, swallowing hard trying to get the courage to go in and sit beside her. He wasn't her next of kin so he really wasn't allowed to be there. But Steven was aware of that if Anna were awake she would want Bosco to be there. He didn't want her to be alone and since he couldn't be with her himself, for now, Bosco was his best option. He had called the hospital and told them they were allowed to let Bosco in and tell him about her condition.  
  
Bosco looked at her and felt sick to his stomach. The doctor had told him that it was a small miracle she was alive, her husband had come very close to killing her. To Bosco it seemed like he had broken almost every bone in her body. She had five broken ribs; a punctured lung, her left arm and right leg were broken to. Her jaw was broken in two places and she had a small scull fracture a long with a concussion, but like a miracle there weren't any bleeding to the brain. There had been some internal bleeding, but the operation had been quick and went well and they said she was going to make it, although he had a hard time believing it when he looked at her.  
  
He slowly made his way towards her bed and sat down in the chair beside it. She looked so small and vulnerable lying in that bed. They had fixed her up so she looked a little better than when he found her at the kitchen floor, but with her eyes closed it was still hard for him to tell that it really was her. He looked at the i.v. Line in her right arm, at the tube down her throat to help her breathe and all the other stuff in the room helping her to stay alive and once again he vowed to kill her husband for doing this to her. He took her right hand in his and began to talk.  
  
"Anna, it's Bosco" He swallowed hard, trying to get control over his emotions.  
  
"The doctors telling me you're gonna make it, so I guess that means you've kept your part of the deal."  
  
He paused, once again trying to pull himself together, and to his own surprise he felt tears forming in his eyes. He quickly suppressed them. Come on Boscorelli get a grip, he told himself, feeling like an idiot, he usually didn't cry and he sure as hell wasn't going to start now!  
  
"I'm doing my best to keep my part, the boys are safe for now and Steven comes to get them tomorrow. I should have taking them myself I know that, but they wouldn't let me.." His voice trailed of.  
  
He looked at her and felt an enormous guilt overwhelming him. This is my entire fault he thought. If I hadn't left all those years ago none of this would have happened, but then it hit him. The reason why he did leave in the first place was just that. He had been terrified that he would be the one doing exactly this to her. He sighed; at least he wasn't the one responsible for putting her there and that must be counting for something he thought.  
  
"I'm gonna fix this Anna, I'll make it all go away, I promise. I'm gonna help you get a better life. I want screw up this time, I promise."  
  
"Don't make promises you can't keep Bosco, that's all I asking for." Bosco heard Anna's voice from the past echoing in his head.  
  
"I'm sorry Anna", he whispered, "I guess I haven't change at all, I'm so sorry."  
  
He just sat there for almost four hours, looking at her thinking about how much he owed her and how much he loved her, letting all the memories from the past flooding through his mind. He grieved for all the things he did wrong and for all the pain he cost her over the years and treasured the good moments, whishing he could turn back time. Finally he gently caressed her hair a couple or times and said:  
  
"I 'v gotta go now, but I'll be back in a couple of hours." He stood up and whispered almost inaudible:  
  
"I love you Anna" 


	5. Chapter five

TITLE: On heart beat for every lost day...  
  
AUTHOR: faith_in_Faith  
  
E-MAIL: faith_in_Faith@hotmail.com  
  
DISCLAIMER: Don't owe, just borrow to play with (  
  
RATING: PG-13  
  
SPOILERS: Up to and including season four, but this one starts before "he said, she said."  
  
AUTHORS NOTE : Here you are! Hope you enjoy, please R&R  
CHAPTER FIVE  
  
The next day:  
  
Faith entered the locker room and spotted Sully who stood by his locker, about to change into his uniform.  
  
"Hey Faith " he said "I heard you and Bosco had an ugly case yesterday."  
  
"Yeah, the women was very badly beaten, you know you'll never get used to it, no matter how many times you're seeing it."  
  
"I know. Was it really a cop who did it?"  
  
"Yeah, at least that's what we think, because the kids told us that their father did it and he's a cop at the 32 precinct."  
  
"I heard he's gone."  
  
"Yeah, and that makes him look even more guilty."  
  
Sully nodded. In that moment Bosco walked through the door. His face was very pale and there were black shadows under his bloodshot eyes. He really looked exhausted and Faith wondered if he had slept at all.  
  
"Hey Bos," she said.  
  
"Hey, " he replied quietly.  
  
"What's wrong Boscorelli? You look like crap. Was your latest chick too much for you? Sully said with a grin.  
  
Bosco remind silent, he didn't even look at Sully just continued to change into his uniform. Sully bewildered looked over at Faith for an answer to Bosco's mode. Faith shook her head against Sully to stop him from teasing Bosco more and mouthed "later." Sully nodded and said:  
  
"See you in roll call," and then he left.  
  
They were now alone in the locker room and Faith looked over at Bosco with concern and said:  
  
"You're OK?"  
  
"Fine."  
  
Faith bit her bottom lip. Please Bosco, not the "fine game" she thought and tried again.  
  
"Sully is right, you do look like crap. Did you sleep at all?" He shrugged.  
  
"A couple of hours." He turned and left the room. Faith sighed and followed him. **************************** "I'm signing out the radios, see you in the car," Bosco said as he turned his back to Faith. Sully saw an opportunity to talk to her and walked up beside her as they headed towards the cars.  
  
"What's wrong with him? He asked as he looked at Faith with a frown on his face.  
  
"He knows the women."  
  
"What?"  
  
"You heard me right. He knows her, but it seems like it was a long time ago, and by the way he's acting about it, I guess something between them went wrong and this is really getting to him."  
  
"Things always goes wrong when he's involved" Sully muttered.  
  
Faith ignored the comment and said in a pleading tone:  
  
"Please Sully help me out here, he really need to get this guy."  
  
"Don't you worry Faith; I want to take him to, a cop doing things like that belongs in prison. I'll try to collect a few favours and see if I can find something out, OK?"  
  
"Good, let us know if you do."  
  
"Do you really think that's a good idea? I mean, you know how Bosco acts when he's mad."  
  
"Believe me Sully this one deserves Bosco's rage!"  
  
"OK, talk to you later."  
  
"Later."  
  
"FAITH! ARE YOU COMING?" Bosco shouted angrily from the car.  
  
"Yeah, yeah, "she muttered. *********************************  
  
" How's Anna?" Faith asked, looking sideways at Bosco as she drove down the street. He had letting her drive and that told her he was even more tired than he wanted to admit, and she was getting more and more worried about him for every minute.  
  
"She's still unconscious, the bastard pretty much brook every bone in her body, even gave her a scull fracture, but the doctor says she gonna make it." He said in a weary voice.  
  
"Well that's a relief, " she said. He nodded.  
  
" So did you see the boys this morning?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Faith sighed, she felt like they were playing twenty questions.  
  
"And how were they?"  
  
"All right I guess. Steven was there and they seemed to like him a lot and they obviously feel safe with him. He's taking them home with him so at least that part is fixed now. " He took a deep breath and continued:  
  
"We all went to the hospital too, this morning so they could see her and they seemed to coop rather well with that part too, but I guess they are used to this kind of stuff, "he said bitterly.  
  
"That's good." Faith said looking at him again. There was a slight look of relief at his face and she felt the same way. It was good things working out for the boys and that would hopefully ease some of the guilt he, for some unknown reason, felt.  
  
"So did you talk to Steven?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
She looked at him again, but his face was unreadable.  
  
"Did it go well?"  
  
He shrugged. "I guess."  
  
Faith gave up. She knew there was no way to get him to talk when he didn't want to, so she decided to just to wait and see. Sooner or later he would talk to her, she knew that, but for now all she could do was to sit back and wait.  
  
Bosco's thoughts went back to his meeting with Steven that morning. He had come there as early as he could to get a chance to talk to Samuel and Adam before Steven arrived. He wanted to explain to them that he already knew their mother so they didn't get confused when he and Steven began to talk to each other. He also wanted them to understand that he would continue to be around in the future. The boys had surprisingly few questions about the whole thing, but one, that Adam had asked, kept popping up in his head:  
  
"If you're her friend why didn't you came and rescue her earlier?"  
  
He hadn't answered the question. He didn't have an answer and none of the boys had asked the question again, despite the lack of answer, and for that he was more than grateful.  
  
When Steven arrived he had concentrated his attention to the boys at first, but then he told them to wait in the car for him and started to talk to Bosco.  
  
"So you showed up at last," he said the anger evident in his voice. Bosco had just nodded not really knowing what to say.  
  
"Don't even think for a second think that I have forgot what you did to her twelve years ago."  
  
"I don't, " He had answered, knowing that Steven was the one who had to put the pieces of Anna's soul together when he left the way he did, not to mention when the unthinkable happened. He swallowed hard, just to think about that he had letting her go through all that on her own made him sick. Steven had every right to be angry with him.  
  
"Bos, are you OK? Faith's worried voice made him snap back to reality. He shook his head.  
  
" Not really, I feel sick," he said in a very quiet voice. She looked at him with concern written all over her face.  
  
"Do you want me to pull over?"  
  
He shook his head again, feeling guilt for worrying her mixed with anger over that she had to try to be his mother all the time. He already had one and the last thing he needed was another one.  
  
"Did you eat anything today?" she asked and he could feel her look at him.  
  
He shook his head once more.  
  
"Well that's probably why you feel sick. How about we stop for some coffee or something?" she asked softly.  
  
He turned to look at her in surprise; now what? he thought. No lecture about him not eating properly? No nagging about that he had to tell her what was wrong? Maybe she was sick! She just smiled at him and he manage to smile back  
  
"Sounds good to me."  
  
"OK then" she said still smiling.  
  
Faith felt relief over that he didn't fight her about getting something to eat. He really needed to eat and he really needed to either start shearing or dealing with this story, otherwise it would destroy him. She knew that, and she felt a knot forming in her stomach when she thought about it, but all she could to was to wait and see.  
  
Sitting in the café, Bosco's thoughts once again went back to the conversation with Steven.  
  
"You know the only person that I have a bigger wish to kill than you, is the bastard to husband of hers. " Stevens face had been bright read and he was almost shouting.  
  
"I know. I want to kill him too."  
  
"Yeah, I hope you do, you owe her that!"  
  
"I know." He remembered hesitating before he continued "I'm sorry." Steven had sighed.  
  
"Yeah, that's a little bit late for that, don't you think?"  
  
"I know, but I was sorry all the time."  
  
Steven had closed his eyes and said:  
  
"You could at least have come back when the baby died. I know she wrote to you. I know she begged you to come back. Why the hell didn't you?"  
  
Bosco winched once more, just as he did when Steven uttered the words.  
  
"I didn't have enough courage."  
  
"I don't get it Bosco; you had enough courage to kick your old mans ass, but you couldn't came back to help her through the mess YOU helped her to get into in the first place."  
  
"You don't understand; I love her."  
  
"That's exactly my point, if you love her as much as you say you do, why didn't you came back?"  
  
"I didn't want to hurt her." At that point, he had felt as a complete ass and as the pathetic looser he obviously was. Steven had sighed deeply.  
  
"Yeah, well that was exactly what you ended up doing, but I can tell you're aware of that already."  
  
He had looked Bosco in the eyes the way only he could, and all he could do was to nod. Bosco could hardly remember himself having this kind or conversation with anyone without losing his temper, but that was the way it was with Steven, he had always had the power to make Bosco stay calm, probably because he had God at his side and God didn't like Bosco at all, that he knew for sure.  
  
Steven had suddenly run one hand over his face and said:  
  
"Look Bosco, I want to say that I'm very grateful for the way you took care of the boys and for finding her."  
  
"I was just doing my job." For the first time Steven smiled.  
  
"I should have guessed you would become a cop." He hadn't known what to say so he ended up saying nothing. Stevens face grow serious again as he said:  
  
"If I had it my way I would tell you stay away from her, but I know Anna and I know this is what she have been whishing for all these years, so I wont do that because I love her to. I'm warning you though; don't you hurt her like that again, because if you do, I'm going to end up doing something to you that not even God will forgive me for, and I'll be more and happy to do it! Do we understand each other?"  
  
All he could do was to nod.  
  
"Good! Are you coming to the hospital with us? I know the boys want you to come." Without another word he had turned and left.  
  
Bosco's thoughts went further back in time and in his head he saw Anna the day he left twelve years ago, she had tears in her eyes.  
  
"Please Bos don't leave." She had pleaded with him.  
  
"You know I have to, it will be better this way, " he had answered.  
  
"How can you say that!" she had asked in a trembling voice.  
  
"You're better of without me, and you know that."  
  
"How can you be so sure?" her blue eyes had begged him to stay, and the memory of it hurt almost as much as the real moment had.  
  
"I just am, trust me on this, please Anna." Then she started to cry and he remembered himself lifting her cheek and looking her in the eyes as he said:  
  
"Hey, hey! Bosco's girls don't cry, remember?" then he had giving her a quick kiss before he turned and left, not looking back even once. God, people were right. He really was a complete ass.  
  
This moment had haunted him in his dreams all this years, and the worst part was that he still wasn't sure he took the wrong decision all these years ago. He had more then likely ended up hurting her if he stayed, one way or another. He should have come back though, when the baby died, he knew that. He owed her that much, but he didn't. He was too much of a coward to do that and that was not to be forgiven, he knew that too.  
  
" 55 Charlie to 55 David, come in please"  
  
Bosco jumped and opened his eyes as there radios cracked to life. He saw Faith looking over at him with a worried expression, as she answered the radio:  
  
"Go ahead 55 Charlie."  
  
"We have some information on someone we all want to hunt down. Were are you?" came Sully's voice over the radio.  
  
"At the Roswell café." Faith answered.  
  
"Good, we'll meet with you there."  
  
Bosco and Faith just looked at each other in silence as they waited for 55 Charlie to arrive. 


	6. Chapter six

TITLE: One heart beat for every lost day.  
  
AUTHOR: faith_in_Faith  
  
E-MAIL: faith_in_Faith@hotmail.com  
  
DISCLAIMER: Don't own, just borrow to play with. (  
  
RATING: PG-13  
  
SPOILERS: Up and including season four but this starts BEFORE "he said, she said"  
  
AUTHORS NOTE: THANKS Carina, Jenny and wine_into_water for correcting this for me and for encoring me all the time without you there would be no more chapters ( and BIG THANKS to Patty and Bee who's kind words gave me the courage to continue this ( and to you that still reading: I hope you all will enjoy, please R&R.  
  
CHAPTER SIX  
  
Sully and Davis walked through the door to the café. Bosco immediately stood up and said in an eager voice:  
  
"Spit it out Sullivan! Were is he?"  
  
He could feel his whole body tense, and he was so angry that he hardly could stop himself from taking it out on Sully. To Bosco it felt like forever before he answered. Sully looked at Bosco and sighed: This is going to be a mess, he thought.  
  
"I talked to a friend of mine at the 32nd precinct and he said that Thomas Lewis had another partner before the one he has now. His name is George Carter and he was known as a really bad cop that liked to beat up his arrests whether it was necessary or not. It was also well known that in his opinion, God's only reason to put women on this earth was to give men pleasure, and that a man have every right to do what's necessary to keep his woman in line.  
  
"This is all very interesting Sullivan, " Bosco said sarcastically. "It makes me really happy to know that the force has more than one asshole who likes to beat up his wife, but how is this helping me to get the bastard that beat up Anna!" He almost shouted the last part.  
  
Faith put a hand on his shoulder and said:  
  
" Bosco, calm down."  
  
Sully just ignored the comment and continued:  
  
" A year ago he was accused of taking bribes, but there was not enough evidence to convict him. He was forced to retire though, and my friend thinks Thomas might hide there."  
  
"Do you have the address?" Faith asked.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Then what the hell are we waiting for? Let's go!" Bosco said impatiently as he run out through the door.  
  
"BOSCO WAIT! Faith shouted after him. " You don't even know were to go!"  
  
"He's gonna kill him," Sully said.  
  
"Let's go and make sure he doesn't." Faith said as she turned around and ran after Bosco.  
  
Anna slowly opened her eyes and tried to figure out were she was and why she was feeling so weak and dizzy. It was really difficult to focus and as she tried to move she felt pain all over. The pain made her remember and fear filled here, then her vision cleared and she could take in her surroundings. She recognized all the familiar hospital stuff and calmed down a bit.  
  
Even if Thomas was here he couldn't hurt her in front of the hospital staff, at least she hoped so. In that moment a familiar figure appeared in her room. Steven saw that she was awake and hurried to her side.  
  
"Hey there beautiful, nice to see your eyes again," he said softly and took her hand as he smiled at her.  
  
Anna tried to answer, but she couldn't, actually she couldn't even smile, something was wrong with her mouth. She couldn't open it! Anna started to panic. Steven saw the panic in her eyes and said:  
  
"Don't you worry, he brook your jaw. They had to fixate it to help it heal. You can talk again in a couple of weeks or so. They give you something to write on in the meantime, " he smiled at her again.  
  
Anna looked at him. He looked tired and sad and she felt guilty. It was all her fault. She should have told him what was going on long ago, then none of this would have happened and he wouldn't have had to suffer because of her.  
  
"Do you remember what happened?" he asked and squeezed her hand carefully.  
  
She nodded slightly, and her head immediately started to pound. She ignored it though; because suddenly she remembered something else and she really couldn't believe that her memory served her right. It had to be a dream, hadn't it?  
  
Bosco had been there! At least that was what she thought she remembered. He was there and he promised her to make her hell go away! Was it true, or had she only been dreaming? She had to ask Steven. He had to know, but how was she going to do that? She couldn't talk! She started to feel desperate.  
  
Steven saw that she was starting to get upset and heard the heart monitor starting to beat faster. He had an idea of what this was about so he said:  
  
"Calm down Anna! It wasn't just a dream. Bosco WAS there. He's a cop now and he and his partner took the call. He sent you to the hospital and took care of the boys, and made sure they were safe until I could come and get them. He's out chasing Thomas right now, and I'm sure he's gonna catch him and give him what he deserves."  
  
Anna just looked at him and felt tears forming in her eyes. It wasn't a dream! Bosco really was back, and he was making bad things better, just as he used to! Suddenly she felt afraid. What if Steven had told him to go a way? What if he didn't come back again! What if he only did his job and didn't care about her for real?  
  
Once again Steven sensed what was going on in Anna's head and he smiled at her as he said:  
  
"Don't worry. I was nice to him and the boys adore him. They talk about him all the time. He'll be back to see you when his shift is over, if not sooner. He's been her to see you twice already, but you weren't awake."  
  
Anna felt so happy, safe and blessed. He was back. God had finally answered her prayers. He was going to save her once again, there was noting to be afraid of anymore. She squeezed Stevens's hand and he smiled to her once more and said:  
  
"Try to get some rest, you'll see him again soon."  
  
Anna closed her eyes, her heart filled with happiness and let her mind drift back to the first time she met him- the first time he rescued her.. ***************  
  
She was twelve years old and her parents had recently died in a traffic accident. Steven, who was eight years older than her, had been the one to take care of her. He lived in a different area than their parents, so she had to change schools when she moved to live with him.  
  
The hell started almost right away. One of her legs was shorter than the other but she had an insertion to put in her shoe to make them even, so usually no one could tell, but one day when she told her gym teacher why she was excused from gym class, one of the girls overheard it and the harassments started immediately.  
  
The day after, all the other children called her names and no one wanted to be with her. It was as if they thought they could catch it from her, like it was contagious or something. When she was about to leave school that afternoon some of the boys started pushing her around and then took her shoe and removed the inlay and threw it a way. Anna started to cry, but in that moment someone very angry showed up and punched the boy who held her right in the face and shouted to her:  
  
"RUN!"  
  
"I CAN'T!" she shouted back.  
  
"JUST GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!" he shouted as he continued to fight with the other boys.  
  
She remembered how she tried to move as fast as she could. It was difficult with the limp she had without the shoe, but no one was following her, and she had started to calm down when she heard someone shout:  
  
"HEY, WAIT UP!"  
  
She stopped and turned around and saw the boy who had rescued her, running towards her. She stayed were she was, waiting for him to catch up. As he reached her he held out her shoe and said out of breath:  
  
"Here."  
  
She reached out and took it without a word. She put it on and took a couple of steps, but without the inlay the limp remained, and she felt tears forming in her eyes again.  
  
"Are you OK?"  
  
"Yeah," she answered as she tried to suppress a sob as she looked down at the ground.  
  
"Does it hurt?" he asked, and she could hear the concern in his voice. She had to smile through her tears.  
  
"No I'm not hurt, just incorrect," she said and lifted her head to look at him. She saw him blush slightly.  
  
"Sorry," he murmured embarrassed and looked down at his feet.  
  
"It's OK, at least you care," she said quietly.  
  
He lifted his head to look at her and Anna looked back. He was rather short with brown hair, and she suddenly realised that he was one of her classmates. She had never talked to him though, because he was always looking angry and always sitting by himself.  
  
She saw that he had some cuts and bruises on his face. He also had a black eye, but that one was already there this morning, she knew that for sure. He was still bleeding a little from his nose, so Anna put her hand in her pocket and took out her handkerchief and handed it to him.  
  
"Thanks," he said as he wiped his nose and suddenly their eyes locked, and Anna found herself looking into the most beautiful dark blue eyes she'd ever seen, and from that moment she was completely lost.  
  
"Thank you", she said, "for rescuing me."  
  
He shrugged. "No big deal."  
  
They looked at each other in silence for a while and then Anna said:  
  
"So this is how you get yourself your black eyes?"  
  
"Some of them, yeah."  
  
He looked at her, and Anna saw something in his eyes that made her heart break for him. She saw loneliness and sadness as if no one in the whole world cared for him, or loved him for that matter. In that moment Anna knew that this was what she had to do, her job from now on was to care for this boy. Unconditionally.  
  
"See you tomorrow?" he suddenly asked in a tone of voice that told her he was unsure about the answer. Lets start right away Anna thought. She smiled at him and said:  
  
"Sounds good to me." Their eyes met once again and he said in a very serious voice:  
  
"Why don't you wait for me here and we go together, that way they'll leave you alone."  
  
"Thanks," she said and smiled, feeling happy for the first time in weeks.  
  
He just nodded and turned to leave.  
  
"Wait, I don't even know your name," she called after him.  
  
He turned around and for the first time he smiled. It was the most beautiful smile Anna had ever seen. Then he said:  
  
"I'm Maurice Boscorelli."  
  
"I'm Anna Brown," she smiled back at him.  
  
"OK Anna, see you tomorrow then." He smiled again.  
  
"Yeah, tomorrow" she said as she watched him leave.  
  
In the hospital bed Anna smiled happily inside as she thought about Bosco's smile and then she fell asleep again.  
  
"For heaven sake Bosco slow down, we can't arrest him if you get us both killed," Faith said and took hold of the dashboard, as Bosco turned around a corner in a really high speed.  
  
Bosco didn't answer. He just continued to drive. His face was pale and his jaws tightly clenched together and Faith knew he was way beyond anger. He was furious. Sully's right, she thought, he's gonna kill him.  
  
Suddenly 55-Charlie come to stop in front of an apartment building and Bosco hit the breaks hard, coursing Faith to almost hit her head in the windshield.  
  
"Jesus!" she said.  
  
"Sorry," Bosco murmured.  
  
They got out of the car and joined Sully and Davis.  
  
"Come on let's go inside," Bosco said impatiently, glaring at Sully.  
  
"Calm down Boscorelli", Sully said. " We're doing this my way, nice and calm."  
  
"Like hell we do!"  
  
"Do you want me to lock you in the car?"  
  
"You just try!"  
  
"Come on guys," Davis said. "Let's get the bad guy instead of arguing with each other."  
  
Sully sighed. "OK, but try to keep him in line Yokas!" Faith just nodded.  
  
They all went up the stairs and Sully knocked on the door, a rather big. Bold man opened the door.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Were is he?" Bosco said in a demanding voice.  
  
The man raised his eyebrows and said:  
  
"Who?"  
  
Before anyone could react, Bosco took a step forward, grabbed the man by his collar and pined him up against the wall.  
  
"Don't you play games with me, because than you're gonna be sorry," he said between his teeth.  
  
"Bosco calm down," Faith said in a demanding voice as she grabbed him by his arms, trying to get him to let go of the man. Finally he did and they both glared at each other.  
  
"Sorry about that," Sully said. "We're looking for Thomas Lewis, is he here?"  
  
"What for?"  
  
"We have reasons to believe that he has beaten up his wife pretty bad."  
  
Bosco opened his mouth to say something. "Bosco" Faith said in a warning tone and he closed it again.  
  
"Says who?" the man asked.  
  
"Their boys," Sully said starting to get angry with the man himself.  
  
"Since when does the police care about what some kids fantasizing about?" the man said and laughed.  
  
Again, Bosco lost it, but this time Davis was prepared and took hold of him before he could reach the man.  
  
"Since they find their mother almost beaten to death on the kitchen floor, " Faith said, anger in her voice.  
  
"Now tell us is if he's here or not, otherwise I might let him have it his way with you, and believe me you're gonna regret it." Sully said in a treating voice as he pointed at Bosco.  
  
The man looked at them for a few seconds, and then he said:  
  
"What happened to the respect for a fellow officer?"  
  
"We only show it to people who deserve it, " Sully said. "For the last time is he here or not!"  
  
"Yeah, he is."  
  
In that moment Bosco broke free from Davis' grip and pushed his way through the door and run in to the apartment. The other followed close behind. When they reached the living room they saw Bosco nailing a man up against the wall as he punched him in the face.  
  
"Do you enjoy this jag off?" he shouted as he punched him again.  
  
"Bosco, stop it," Faith said in a pleading voice, knowing that he probably didn't even hear her.  
  
Davis took a step forward to get Bosco away Thomas, but Sully held him back. "Leave him, he needs to do it and the asshole deserves it."  
  
Bosco held Thomas against the wall, took his nightstick out of his belt and said as he narrowed his eyes:  
  
"So you like to beat her with a baseball bat, huh? Well let's see how you like this!"  
  
Then he started to beat Thomas with it over and over again. After a couple of times Faith had enough and tried to pull him away, but she wasn't strong enough. Davis and Sully helped her and finally they were able to pull him away from Thomas.  
  
"55-Charlie to central we need a bus at this location." Ty said in this radio.  
  
"It's on its way, 55-Charlie."  
  
"GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME!" Bosco yelled and tried to pull away from Sully.  
  
"No Bosco," Sully said in a very soft tone of voice. "He's not worth your career, believe me. You've got your revenge, now calm down." Bosco continued to struggle against Sully.  
  
Faith put a hand on his shoulder and said softly:  
  
"It's over now Bos, come on, let's get out of here. Let Sully and Ty take care about the rest."  
  
Bosco finally calmed down and Sully let go of him.  
  
"Come on Bos, " Faith said and took him by the arm.  
  
He shook her off and walked over to Tomas. He looked at the frightened man on the floor one more time, and then he spit him in the face and turned to leave without a word.  
  
"I'm gonna make a complaint about this." George Carter said.  
  
"Be my guest." Sully said. 


	7. Chapter seven

TITLE: One heart beat for every lost day.  
  
AUTHOR: faith_in_Faith  
  
E-MAIL: faith_in_Faith@hotmail.com  
  
DISCLAIMER: Owe nothing, jut borrow to play with.  
  
RATING: PG-13  
  
SPOILER: Up to and including season four bur this one starts before " she said, he said"  
  
AUTHORS NOTE: THANKS to wine_into_water for your help and encouragement and to Jenny and Carina for correcting it, you're the best! To all of you that still reading this here is chapter seven. PLEASE R&R!!!!  
  
CHAPTER SEVEN  
  
Faith glanced over at Bosco in the passenger seat. He hadn't said a word since they left the apartment, not a single word. He just sat there, his face deadly pale, staring out the window. She doubted he actually saw something though, because his eyes were empty, like he wasn't there at all. She didn't dare to ask if he was OK, because she knew he'd probably get mad with her for nagging him, but she needed to hear his voice soon, because she began to think that he'd lost it completely.  
  
"Bos?" she tried, her voice soft.  
  
No answer.  
  
"Bos?" she tried a little louder this time. Nothing.  
  
"Bosco!"  
  
"Huh?" he turned his head to look at her, his eyes still empty and his face expressionless.  
  
"It's almost dinner time, how about we stop for something to eat?" she asked, hoping for him to snap out of his almost comatose state.  
  
He looked at her; his eyes suddenly filled with a lot of emotions that she couldn't fully read and said in a quiet voice:  
  
" I've meant to ask, can we go to the hospital at our dinner break, to check on Anna?" he looked down at his hands.  
  
"Sure! No problem! Do you want to go right away?" she asked, happy that he was with her in the real world again.  
  
He attempted to smile at her and said: "That would be great."  
  
"OK," she answered as she turned around and started to drive towards the hospital.  
  
Faith parked the RMP outside the hospital and turned to look at Bosco. He didn't move.  
  
"Do you want me to come?" she asked carefully, hoping he wouldn't be offended by the offer.  
  
"If you want to," he said, trying to sound like he didn't care, but she could tell from the desperate look in his eyes that he didn't want to be alone this time.  
  
"I'd like to," she said and smiled at him.  
  
"OK."  
  
They both got out of the car and headed towards the entrance.  
When Bosco walked towards Anna's room he saw that Steven was in the room and he stopped dead in his tracks. Oh no!, he thought. He had really hoped that Steven wouldn't be there, but he was.  
  
Now what? Bosco thought to himself. What was he supposed to say to a man whose second biggest wish in life was to kill him? He felt Faith's hand on his shoulder and as if she could read his mind she said:  
  
"You caught him, remember. He has to like that."  
  
Bosco nodded, more to himself than to Faith. Yeah he has to like that, he thought.  
  
Steven had spotted Bosco through the window and made his way over to him.  
  
"Anything?" he asked.  
  
"Yeah, he's behind bars now."  
  
"So did you give him what he deserved?" All the suppressed anger had made Stevens face turn red.  
  
"I kind of beat the crap out of him with my nightstick," Bosco said, looking down at his feet, not sure if Steven was going to like that answer, after all he's a priest, but on the other hand he did say he wanted him dead.  
  
"Sounds good enough for me, thanks," Steven said looking at him with grateful eyes.  
  
"No big deal, it's my job, and I wanted to do it anyway." Bosco said and looked at his shoes again.  
  
Steven smiled and said:  
  
"Why don't you go in and see her? She's awake and she's been waiting for you."  
  
"She's remembering?"  
  
Steven smiled again. "Oh yes she does! She has a hard time believing it though."  
  
Bosco looked at him again and then he said:  
  
"How are the boys?"  
  
"They're fine, but they keep asking for you, maybe you can come by tomorrow morning?"  
  
"Yeah, I can do that if that's OK with you?" Bosco looked at him unsure if Seven wanted him to come or not.  
  
"I wouldn't have asked you if I didn't want you to come. People around me seem to have a bad judgement when it comes to you, so I guess I really don't have a choice." He smiled again.  
  
Bosco could see from the corner of his eyes that Faith smiled too.  
  
"Um, see you tomorrow then," he said, unsure about what to think.  
  
Steven nodded and smiled again.  
  
"Now get out of here and go and see her."  
  
Bosco turned and looked at Faith.  
  
"I'll wait here," she said and gave him a reassuring smile. He nodded and entered Anna's room.  
  
As he approached her bed he felt a knot forming in his stomach. He was incredibly nervous about this, after all he didn't know if she would be happy to see him. She might just want to see him to tell him what a jerk he was. Then he remembered that she couldn't talk and for a moment he was almost happy about it. He went to the chair beside her bed and sat down.  
  
Anna had been watching his arrival and could tell from his body language that he was nervous about seeing her again. Well so was she, so then it's the same for both of us, she though to herself.  
  
"Hi," he says, almost shyly, offering her a very small smile.  
  
Anna looks at him, and sees all the fear and uncertainness in his eyes. She can see that the hunted look from the last time she saw him is still there, and she wants to cry for him. Why can't anyone in this whole world make that look go away? she thinks sadly.  
  
She looks at him and hopes that he can see in her eyes all the love she feels. She wishes so hard she could smile at him and tell him how much she loves him. She wants to tell him that he doesn't have to be afraid, that everything that happened twelve years ago doesn't matter anymore, that she's forgiven him a long time ago. After all, she had known "the rules of the game." She took a chance on him and it didn't work out, but he'd never promised her it would. Not the last time anyway. She prays that God shall let Bosco sense all her love and that he'll feel that he's forgiven.  
  
She reaches up and carefully touches his cheek with her unharmed hand. She needs to feel him. She needs to reassure herself that he's real.  
  
Bosco takes her hand and holds it tightly against his cheek. Anna didn't have to worry. He loves her enough to read the love and forgiveness in her eyes and he's very happy that he's sitting down, because he can feel his whole body go weak when the enormous guilt he's been feeling all these years becomes more bearable.  
  
"Anna I.I'm so sorry for everything, I'm so sorry." his voice is failing him and he swallows hard, and closes his eyes tightly to stop the stupid tears he feels forming there, from slipping down his cheeks.  
  
Still holding her hand against his cheek he reaches out and caresses her hair, her beautiful hair. He's always loved her hair. It's long, brown and curly and he loves it.  
  
"You don't have to worry, I got the bastard. He's in jail now, he can't hurt you anymore," he says and looks her in the eyes, feeling nothing but pure love.  
  
He hasn't felt this way in years, twelve years, to be more precise, and it scares the hell out of him, but still he wants the feeling to last forever. He can see tears forming in Anna's eyes and moves his hand to her cheek.  
  
"Hey;" he says gently, "no tears remember?"  
  
Anna smiles inside and blinks away her tears, she feels relieved. He's the same, all the same, just a little bit older, but so is she. He still loves her; she knows that, although he hasn't said it. She can see it in his eyes and that's enough for her. He never said it very often back then either.  
  
She's safe now, she knows that too. Once again he's rescued her, once again she's safe because he's around.  
  
Faith had been looking at them through the window and she's almost speechless.  
  
Your friend, I don't think so Bosco, more the love of your life, she thinks and smiles.  
  
She can tell that he's so totally in love with this woman that it almost scares her. She really hopes that she's a good person, because someone that Bosco loves that much, sure as hell has enough power to destroy him completely.  
  
" Central to 55-David, report back to the house." The radio at Faith's shoulder cracked to life.  
  
" 55-David to central, we're on our way, " Faith said in the radio and then she tapped on the window to Anna's room to try to get Bosco's attention. He didn't notice it and she reluctantly made her way into the room. She took a few steps inside and said:  
  
" Bosco, I'm sorry to interrupt but we have to go. They want us back at the house."  
  
Bosco jerked up his head and turned to look at her as he said: "What the hell for? "  
  
Faith shrugged; " I don't know." Bosco sighed heavily, looked at Anna again and said:  
  
"I'm sorry Anna. I have to go, but I'll be back after my shift, OK?"  
  
Anna had heard the female voice and she understood that this was Bosco's partner and she wanted to see her. She wanted to know what she looked like and most of all she wanted to see what kind of person she was.  
  
Anna had learned over the years that a person's eyes always are the mirror of the person's soul, and she wanted to see the soul of the person who was responsible for Bosco's life and well being outside. She knew how dangerous police work was, and finding out that he was a police officer had given her one more reason to worry about him, and she wanted to see just how much she had to worry.  
  
She looked at Bosco and pointed her unharmed arm at Faith.  
  
"Do you want to meet my partner?" He asked in surprise.  
  
Anna nodded slightly. Bosco waved to Faith to come closer so that Anna should be able to see her and said:  
  
"Anna, this is Faith Yokas, my partner."  
  
"Faith, this is Anna."  
  
The two women looked at each other, both wondering if they could trust the other one to take care of the man they both cared so much for, and both liked what they saw.  
  
Anna looked at Faith and saw that she didn't have to worry. The woman in front of her was a good person, and most important of all, she cared a lot about Bosco. She could tell by the way she looked at him, and her tone of voice when she once again told him that they had to go.  
  
Faith looked into Anna's beautiful blue eyes and saw nothing but pure love and happiness that Bosco was back with her, and she knew that this woman would never do anything to hurt Bosco on purpose. Whatever went wrong twelve years ago didn't have to do with anything that she had done, she was pretty sure about that.  
  
"Hi, nice to meet you," she said and smiled at Anna. She could see the smile in the other woman's eyes and turned to look at Bosco again.  
  
"I'm sorry Bos, but we really have to go."  
  
He sighed, and looked Anna in the eyes: " I'll be back in a couple of hours. I'll promise. You just go to sleep, OK?" He bent over and kissed her carefully at the cheek.  
  
Oh Bosco, you never learn, do you? Anna thought. She knew all to well that he couldn't promise a thing like that. He could be shot in an hour and never come back. Promising things he couldn't keep really was one of his specialities.  
  
Faith looked down at Anna and to her own surprise she saw the same fear in the other woman's eyes that she felt every time Bosco rushed into some dangerous situation without thinking, just ten times worse. Poor woman, she thought. At least I don't love him that way; to be honest she didn't wanted to think about how terrible it would be to feel that kind of worry. It was bad enough to be his partner.  
  
She bent over and whispered as quietly as she could so Bosco wouldn't hear:  
  
"Don't worry, I'll look after him for you."  
  
She saw the gratefulness in Anna's eyes and smiled again.  
  
"You're welcome!"  
  
"What the hell was that all about?" Bosco said and looked at Faith, confusion and uncertainness written all over his face.  
  
"What was what about?" Faith said and tried to pretend that she didn't understand what Bosco was talking about.  
  
"Come on Faith, you know what I mean! What did you whisper to Anna, and why?" he said impatiently.  
  
"Girls talk, you wouldn't understand," she said and couldn't help but smile.  
  
He looked at her as she had grown a second head, and said in disbelief:  
  
"Girls talk? You can't be serious, for heavens sake Faith she CAN'T talk!"  
  
"What did she said to you?" Faith said innocently.  
  
"She said. " He started to say, without thinking and when he realised that she had him trapped, he just sighed and murmured, "That's different."  
  
Faith just smiled.  
  
"So you really have no idea about what the house wanted?" he asked eager to change the subject.  
  
"Nope."  
  
They drove the rest of the way in silence.  
  
"Hi Sully," Faith said as she spotted him at the desk. "Do you know what's up?"  
  
"It's about the arrest we made," he said grimly.  
  
Faith's eyes widened. "Thomas Lewis?"  
  
Sully nodded. "Lieu wanna know why he ended up so badly beaten. Carter made a complaint too."  
  
"Shit," she said. So Bos's in trouble now, huh?"  
  
"Not necessarily," Sully said. "Not if he's smart. Where is he anyway?"  
  
"He went to the washroom. He's kind of whipped, if you know what I mean."  
  
"I bet," Sully said simply.  
  
In that moment the door to the lieutenant's office opened and Davis came out followed by Swersky who said:  
  
"Where's Boscorelli? I want to see him right away!"  
  
"He's cleaning up sir, I'll go and get him," Faith said quickly.  
  
"Good," the lieutenant nodded.  
  
Bosco sat at on the bench in front of his locker, his head in his hands. He felt physically and emotionally drained. Seeing the love and forgiveness in Anna's eyes together with the lack of sleep had almost driven him over the edge. He felt sick again and he knew it was because he hadn't been getting enough sleep, not to mention he'd barely eaten the whole day. He thanked God that his shift was almost over, because he needed to see Anna again. He needed to get away from Faith's inquiring eyes and he needed to sleep, if he should be able to see Samuel and Adam again tomorrow.  
  
Faith entered the locker room and saw him sitting there. She felt sorry for him; this was really starting to take its toll of him. She walked over and sat down at the bench beside him.  
  
"You're OK?" she said with concern in her voice.  
  
He shook his head.  
  
"I feel sick," he said, thankful that he had a physical problem to feed her so that she got off his case about the emotional stuff.  
  
"Again?" she said sounding worried, "maybe you need to go home."  
  
He shrugged. "Maybe."  
  
" Lieu wants to talk to you."  
  
"About what?"  
  
"The Lewis arrest."  
  
"Great," he murmured quietly.  
  
She looked him right in the eyes and said seriously:  
  
"Sully said that you had nothing to worry about if you're smart about it."  
  
"What did he mean by that?" Bosco said and looked at her bewildered.  
  
"I'm not sure, but Lieu has already talked to both him and Davis," Faith said and smiled at him, " maybe they've figured out a way to control the damage."  
  
He stood up and sighed. "Well, let's get it over with," he said and left the room.  
  
Bosco knocked at the door to Swersky's office.  
  
"Come in," Swerski said.  
  
"You wanted to see me sir?"  
  
"Have a seat Boscorelli."  
  
Bosco sat down in the chair opposite Swersky, thankful that he could sit down, because he felt completely exhausted.  
  
"Did you beat up officer Thomas Lewis at his arrest today?" Swerski said, calmly leaving Bosco without a clue about whether he was in trouble or not.  
  
"Yeah," he answered simply, remembering what Faith had said.  
  
"Sully said that he offered violent resistance and that he punched you, and that you're only defended yourself, is that the truth?"  
  
Bosco looked at him, stunned. SULLY covering for HIM, that's something new!  
  
"Yeah I guess so."  
  
"Then why don't you have any injuries?"  
  
Bosco swallowed hard. Think Boscorelli think, he thought to himself.  
  
"He punched me in the stomach and I got my nightstick out really quick so I guess I did the most damage," he said, silently praying that Sully hadn't said something completely different.  
  
"Ok," Swerski said. "I'll talk to Faith too, but as far as I can see there's nothing wrong with this arrest, but try not to beat the suspect that bad next time," he said sarcastically.  
  
"Yes sir." Bosco said and grinned.  
  
"Now get out of here and tell Faith I want to see her."  
  
"Yes sir," Bosco said and left the office, still smiling. 


	8. Chapter eight

TITLE: One heartbeat for every lost day.  
  
AUTHOR: faith_in_Faith  
  
E-MAIL: faith_in_Faith@hotmail.com  
  
RATING: PG-13  
  
DISCLAIMER: Don't owe a thing.  
  
AUTHORS NOTE: Thanks goes as usual to Wine-into-Water, Carina and Jenny who encourage me and helping me correct this and of course to all of you who reads this1 PLEASE continue to R&R!  
CHAPTER EIGHT  
  
Two months later:  
  
Faith closed the door to the locker, glanced over at Bosco who was ready to leave and said:  
  
"See you tomorrow then?"  
  
He looked at her, then away for a moment and then at her again, and said almost reluctantly:  
  
"No actually I've taken the day off tomorrow."  
  
"Yeah?" she said, slightly surprised.  
  
They usually had the same days off and if he would do something special, she usually heard about it for days before it was supposed to happen.  
  
He nodded: "Yeah, Anna has to start working tomorrow, and I promised to look after the boys for her."  
  
"You?" Faith said and did everything to suppress her laughter.  
  
"Yeah me! What's so damned funny Faith?" He said angrily with a hurt look on his face.  
  
"Sorry Bos," she said, "I guess I'm not used to seeing you as a family man." Once again she tried not to laugh.  
  
"Stop it Faith!" He almost shouted. "Do you always have to make fun of me when I do something that YOU didn't expect me to? You don't know everything about me. You don't know what I can and can't do."  
  
Faith's face and voice immediately grew serious. "You're right, " she said regretfully. "I'm sorry."  
  
He just shrugged.  
  
"See you day after tomorrow then. Have fun with the boys," she said in a penitent voice, really regretting making fun of him.  
  
He just nodded and left the room.  
Two days later:  
  
Bosco and Faith sat in the RMP out side an old apartment building, looking for a drug dealer they were supposed to bring in.  
  
Faith looked over at Bosco, who hummed a little and tapped his fingers on the steering wheel. He seemed to be in a good mood, so she guessed yesterday had gone well. She decided to try to get him to talk about his and Anna's relationship. He had hardly said a word about it since the day they nailed Thomas, only told her that Anna and the boys were doing fine the few times she dared to ask him about it. He seemed to be OK though, the haunted and guilty look he had had then was gone, but she still wanted to know more about this, simply because she was curious as hell.  
  
"So Anna and you're seeing each other again?" she said and tried not to sound nosy.  
  
He turned his head to look at her. "What do you mean with again?" he asked, his guard up.  
  
"Come on Bosco!" she said impatiently. "I know she was your girlfriend in the past and that you two still love each other."  
  
"How do you know that?" he said, a slight hint of anger in his voice.  
  
"I saw you- at the hospital, remember?"  
  
He remained silent for a moment and then he said quietly:  
  
"How can you be so sure she loves me?"  
  
"Bos, " Faith said softly. "You only have to look at her when she looks at you to tell that she worships the ground you walk on. Must be the famous Boscorelli charm," she tried to joke, because she could tell from the look on his face that he wasn't happy about it.  
  
"Well she shouldn't, " he said, his voice still quiet.  
  
" Why? Don't you love her?" she said and tried to read his face.  
  
"Yes I do, and that's a part of the problem."  
  
"How can that be a problem?"  
  
"Because I'm not good enough for her!" he said, suddenly sounding angry.  
  
"How can you be so sure about that?" Faith asked carefully, feeling like she was walking on a minefield, one wrong move and she would spoil the moment.  
  
"I just know, OK?"  
  
"Why don't you let her be the judge about that?"  
  
"Because she has a bad judgment when it comes to me, you heard Steven." His voice was strained with suppressed anger.  
  
Although Faith knew better, she couldn't stop herself from speaking again.  
  
"She loves you very much. I'm sure sh."  
  
"Can you just SHUT UP Faith?" he shouted furiously. "You don't understand this. You don't know what happened. You don't know a damned thing about this!"  
  
Faith suddenly lost the little patience she had and shouted back:  
  
"You're right, I don't know a damned thing about this, because you're not telling me a damned thing about it!"  
  
"It's none of your business!" he said a little calmer.  
  
Faith sighed and said, still angry:  
  
"Well excuse me for caring. Excuse me for having this stupid wish for you to be happy. Excuse me for noticing that you're human!"  
  
A very threatening silence filled the car and almost made it hard to breath. After a few minutes Bosco said:  
  
"I let her down, OK. In the worst possible way."  
  
Faith remained silent, not knowing if she was supposed to say something, or if she was going to make him mad again, if she did.  
  
"She got pregnant," he said.  
  
"And?" Faith dared to ask.  
  
"I took a hike," he said almost inaudible.  
  
"You did WHAT?" Faith couldn't believe what she heard.  
  
"You heard me," he said, the anger back in his voice.  
  
"So you really just left? You let her deal with it all by herself? Alone?" she asked in disbelief.  
  
He didn't answer.  
  
"My God Bosco, how could you?"  
  
He still didn't answer.  
  
"My God," she said again, "no wonder her brother doesn't like you that much. He must have been furious!"  
  
"Tell me about it," Bosco murmured.  
  
"But why?" was all that Faith managed to say. She still couldn't believe what she'd heard.  
  
He shrugged. "I don't really know. I was afraid, cowards, a jerk, a looser, choose for yourself."  
  
"Honestly Bosco," she said and tried to look at him but he turned away.  
  
"I was afraid OK. I couldn't take care of a family, hell Faith, I can hardly take care of myself sometimes, and you of all people should know that! She was better off without me, believe me. Who knows, if I'd stayed, I could've been the one who put her on that kitchen floor." He said, his voice thick with emotions.  
  
"No, you couldn't, " Faith said firmly, and for some reason she almost felt like crying.  
  
"How can you be so sure?" He murmured.  
  
"I just am, OK?"  
  
They sat in silence for a while and then Faith looked at him and said in a confused voice:  
  
"I don't get it. She only has the twins. Did she put the baby away for adoption?"  
  
"No," he said quietly. "He died."  
  
Faith felt as if someone had slapped her, of all the things she had expected him to say this wasn't it.  
  
"I'm sorry Bos. I'm very sorry." No wonder he was pissed with me for aborting that child, she thought.  
  
He just nodded. They sat in silence again for a while and then he said:  
  
"She wrote to me, you know, begged me to come back. She said she needed me to get through the whole thing. I didn't even answer."  
  
No wonder he felt guilty. No wonder he thought he owed her to make her hell go away this time, she thought but remained silent.  
  
"She was my best friend you know. She always stood up for me, helped me when I needed it. No matter what it was about, she covered for me. She used to meet me at a special place before school and if my old man had beaten me too bad she used to cover it up for me, with make up stuff, you know? And I couldn't even come back and help her through something that I was responsible for in the first place. So can't you see that she's better off without me?"  
  
His voice sounded almost like he was crying and it took Faith all she had to not do so herself.  
  
"She doesn't seem to think so," she said quietly.  
  
"Like Steven said, she has a bad judgment when it comes to me." Again silence filled the car, but this time it wasn't a silence of anger, it was a silence of grief.  
  
"So what are you gonna do?" Faith finally asked.  
  
He shrugged.  
  
"But you still love her, right?"  
  
He nodded.  
  
"Maybe this time you should listen to your heart, " she said gently.  
  
He turned and looked at her in disbelief.  
  
"You know what Yokas, sometimes you really are full of shit!"  
  
"Maybe, " she said and smiled.  
  
She knew the moment had past. He wasn't going to tell her any more or let her see any more of his soul. She knew better than to push it, besides she felt like she had had enough for a year or so. She still couldn't believe that he really left a pregnant woman that he loved. The Bosco she knew didn't do things like that, or did he? Maybe she didn't know him as well as she thought? Anyway she had a feeling this was far from over, and she wasn't sure there was going to be a happy end, and that scared her.  
  
None of them said much the rest of the shift. It was as if all the words already had been used. One thing kept bothering Faith though, and finally she decided to just get it over with. They stood outside the precinct and she had just turned down his offer to give her a ride home. He had turned away from her, his hand on the door handle of the car as she said:  
  
"Bosco wait!" The nervousness in her voice was evident to him and he turned to look at her.  
  
"What?" he said, slightly worried.  
  
"I have to ask you one more question about Anna, OK?"  
  
He just sighed and looked at her.  
  
Faith licked her lips and swallowed. How an earth was she going to say this, after all she was going to talk about the unthinkable.  
  
"Have you put her phone number in your file?" she blurted out, unable to think of another way to say it. He looked at her like she had lost her mind.  
  
"Why would I do that?" he asked impatiently.  
  
Faith looked him right in the eyes and said:  
  
"*If* and I say *if* something would happen to you out there, don't you want someone to call her, to let her know?"  
  
"Nothing's gonna happen, " he said and tried to avoid her gaze.  
  
"Bosco, please! " she said pleadingly.  
  
Their eyes met, and for a moment they could see each other's fear, and then he said:  
  
"Of course I want someone to tell her, but I'd prefer if you did it."  
  
She nodded. "I will," she said," but then I have to have her phone number."  
  
He nodded. "Do you have anything to write on?" he said.  
  
Faith dug around in her purse and found an old shopping list and a pen and handed it to him. He took it, scribbled down some numbers and gave it back to her and she put it back in her purse.  
  
"Thanks," she said quietly, "for trusting me with this."  
  
He gave her a half smile and said:  
  
"No big deal, nothing's gonna happen, you worry too much," and then he got into his car and drove off.  
  
Faith stood and looked after him. She was thankful that he had wanted her to be the one to tell Anna if anything would happen to him, because she had promised her to look after him for her, and * if *- God forbid - she would fail to do so, then she at least wanted to tell her in person.  
  
Bosco sat in his car and almost hated Faith for bringing up the issue. For the first time since he became a cop he had something to live for, someone he wanted to come home to and that made him feel uneasy. He had always thought that those who had that were more likely to get killed because they were afraid to, and now he was one of them and he didn't like it.  
  
Two weeks later:  
  
Anna woke up by the sound of the phone ringing and gazed over at the clock at the nightstand. The red numbers showed 3:02 am. She had been a police wife long enough to know that a phone call at this hour could only mean something bad. She picked it up on the third ring and said:  
  
"Anna Lewis."  
  
"Hi Anna, its Faith," Faith said in the other end and Anna could her the worry in her voice.  
  
"Hi Faith, what's wrong? she said and tried to keep the fear out of her voice.  
  
"Is Bosco with you?" Faith asked hopefully.  
  
"No." Anna said slightly confused. "I haven't heard from him for a week."  
  
"Really?" Faith said in utter surprise.  
  
"Really," She answered, "but there's nothing strange about that, it's just the way he is. Faith, what's wrong? Is he in some kind of trouble?"  
  
Faith sighed: "It looks that way, yeah."  
  
"What's happened?"  
  
"We had a case a couple of days ago that we kind of screw up. He thought it was his fault and now other things have happened that makes it all worse. Internal affairs want to talk to him but he's gone. No one can find him, so I kind of hoped he had gone to you. He was pretty upset yesterday. I was really hoping that he would be with you."  
  
"I really wish he was Faith, but he isn't here. Exactly how upset was he?"  
  
"It's hard to tell with him, but he had that hunted look in his eyes if you know what I mean," Faith said and hoped that Anna knew Bosco well enough to know what she meant, and she didn't get disappointed.  
  
"Was it worse than his usual one?" Anna asked.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Faith?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Is there any chance that he could have done what they think he has?"  
  
"No," Faith said firmly. "There's no chance in hell, don't you worry about that! I'll try to sort it out, but it would help a lot if he showed up."  
  
"OK," Anna said. "Please call me when you find him."  
  
"Of course, call me if he shows up, OK?"  
  
"I will," Anna said reassuringly. "Bye Faith."  
  
"Bye."  
  
Anna slowly hung up the phone and stared out in the darkness. Oh Bosco what've you gotten yourself into this time? she thought tiredly. This wasn't new to her, not at all. She couldn't even count the times he had come to her when something went wrong or he'd messed something up, but this time he didn't turned to her for help, and that bothered her. What bothered her even more was that he didn't turn to Faith either, because for all she knew Faith was the one he trusted nowadays.  
  
"Bosco were are you?" she said out loud. Her stomach tightened and her heart beat faster when she thought about all the things that could have happen to him, but she put the thoughts aside and went out in the kitchen. There was no way she could go back to sleep so she could just as well get up. She put some coffee on and let her mind drift away to the first time he kissed her.  
  
*****  
  
They both had become turned sixteen that spring and Bosco kept getting in trouble all the time. It was like he was drawn to it, and Steven had told Anna that he didn't think Maurice was the best friend a girl could have. "He's gonna get you in trouble too," he said.  
  
She had just shaken her head and told him not to worry. Bosco would never get her in trouble; it was the other way around. He did everything to keep her out of trouble and besides; he needed a place to feel safe. Steven had just sighed, knowing she was right. The truth was he too was fond of Bosco and really wanted to be there for him and help him, but Bosco never let him in completely. The only one he really trusted was Anna.  
  
That night she was sitting in her bed, writing in her diary, when she heard his steps on the sidewalk outside her window. She knew the sound of those steps so well and it always made her heart jump with a mix of joy and worry. Tonight they sounded tired and she got up from her bed and went to the door to open it for him before he needed to knock. She had a feeling it was better if Steven didn't talk to him tonight, at least not right away.  
  
She gasped when she saw him; someone had beaten him up, and beaten him up badly. His face was almost covered with blood and cuts, and bruises were already forming. She could tell by the way he breathed and by the way he leaned heavily against the doorframe that he probably had other injuries too.  
  
"OH Maurice!" she breathed. "What's happened?"  
  
"I finally did it," he said tiredly. "I finally kicked his ass."  
  
She immediately understood that he talked about his father and she got scared.  
  
"What did you do to him?" she asked in a trembling voice. "You didn't kill him, right?"  
  
He looked at her, a little weary smile playing in the corner of his mouth as he said:  
  
"Don't worry, I would never give him a chance to get me that easily."  
  
She breathed a sigh in relief and gently took his hand and guided lead him to the toilet to help him to get cleaned up and take care of his wounds. She gently cleaned cut after cut and suddenly their eyes met and she drowned. She knew in that moment that she loved him, really loved him. She was in love with her best friend. She remembered how he touched her cheek and than leaned forward and kissed her. She couldn't count the times she had been listening to the other girls talking about what a great kisser he was and now she knew they'd been telling the truth. After a moment he leaned back, out of breath, and closed his eyes and she knew he was in a great deal of pain. She gently ran her hand over his hair and said:  
  
"Maurice?"  
  
"Bosco," he said, breathing heavily. "Never call me Maurice again, call me Bosco."  
  
She just nodded and kept running her hand over his hair. He caught her hand, held it to his cheek, and gave her one of his wonderful smiles and said:  
  
"I love you Anna."  
  
"I love you too," she said, fighting back tears of joy, she knew he didn't like when she cried.  
  
Steven took him to the hospital the same night; he had to stay for a week.  
  
That was the night when he kissed her the for the first time, the night Bosco and Anna became lovers instead of friends, the night Maurice finally fought back, and became Bosco instead of Maurice, but also the night his eyes received the haunted look that no one had managed to take away ever since.  
  
Anna jumped by the sound of the phone ringing and prayed to God that this time it was Faith or Bosco. She hadn't heard from either of them the whole day and now it was almost 11:00 pm and she was sick with worry.  
  
"Anna Lewis."  
  
"Anna, its Faith." Anna could hear how tired she sounded.  
  
"Have you found him? Is he OK? Have things worked out?"  
  
Faith had to smile when she heard Anna ask all the questions almost in one breath.  
  
"He showed up here at the precinct about half an hour ago. I have sorted out the problem. He's off the hook, but I don't know if he's OK. He didn't look so great, but I'm gonna talk to him now. I just wanted you to know where he was."  
  
"Tell him I want him to come home," Anna said.  
  
"I will," Faith said and smiled. 


	9. Chapter nine

TITLE: One heart beat for every lost day.  
  
AUTHOR: faith_in_Faith  
  
E-MAIL: faith_in_Faith@hotmail.com  
  
DISCLAIMER: Don't owe a thing, just borrow and play.  
  
RATING: PG-13  
  
SPOILERS: We are in season three, after "Childhood memories."  
  
AUTHORS NOTE: Thanks Carina and Jenny you're the best beta-readers a girl can have! Thanks Wine-into-water what would I ever do without you. and BIG THANKS to all of you doing the reviews: You make my spirit fly!  
  
CHAPTER NINE  
  
Bosco sat in his car outside Anna's apartment building, his head in his hands, and wondered if he really should have come there at all. Faith's words were echoing in his mind:  
  
"She told me she wanted you to come home."  
  
He really needed those words to be true. He really needed Anna right now, but he had no right to ask for a thing like that, no right at all. The only thing he should do was let her go, to convince her that she needed to go on with her life without him, that she would be far better off that way, but he didn't have enough strength to do so. He needed her too much; he couldn't go on without her anymore, he knew that.  
  
He needed to make things right, to try to fix the past. The thing was he didn't know if it was possible, all he knew was that when he looked her in the eyes, all he saw was love, and she had said she wanted him to come home. It had to mean something, because that was what she always said back then when he screwed up. "No matter what it is, just come home and we sort it out, you know I love you." It was a strange thing to say considering that they had never lived together, but that was what she always said and that always made him feel safe.  
  
Anna heard a faint knock at the door and quickly went to open it, knowing it was Bosco and afraid he would change his mind if she weren't quick enough. She knew it was now or never, if she could make him feel safe like she had in the past, then maybe he would come back to her for good.  
  
"Hi," he said quietly, his hands in his jeans pockets.  
  
"Hi," she answered and gave him a reassuring smile, hoping that he would feel that she really wanted him to be there.  
  
He looked exhausted. His face was pale and unshaven, his eyes bloodshot and the hunted look in them almost as bad as at that terrible day twelve years ago.  
  
"Come on in and sit down, you look like you need it," she said and gently took him by his arm and squeezed it lightly.  
  
Bosco looked at Anna and felt his knees go weak, once again all he saw in her eyes was love and he suddenly realized how tired he was, and he let her guide him to the couch.  
  
"Do you want anything to drink? Are you hungry?" she asked, and looked at him from top to toe like she was searching for injuries, a bad habit from the past.  
  
He just shook his head and remained silent, just wanting to feel this safe and comfortable forever.  
  
Anna sat down on the coffee table in front of him and gently took his hands between hers.  
  
"Do you wanna tell me what happened?" she asked carefully, worried about the anguish in his eyes.  
  
Bosco considered for a moment to say no, but back then he always told her what was wrong and if he wanted to have her back he couldn't start with distrust.  
  
"I screwed up, I screwed up big time."  
  
"At work?"  
  
He nodded tiredly.  
  
"What happened?" she asked gently and tried to catch his gaze but he averted his eyes.  
  
"I let a woman get hurt. I failed to protect her because I didn't want to see what I saw, because I'm an idiot."  
  
He lifted his head and looked her in the eyes as he said in a pained voice:  
  
"I failed her, just as I did with you, and my mom and everybody else I'm supposed to protect."  
  
Anna's heart broke when she saw the enormous guilt in his eyes.  
  
"Bosco," she said gently, "it's not true and you know it. You did your best, just like you always do."  
  
"I can't be particularly good at protecting people if this is what happens when I do my best, " he answered in a raspy voice and buried his head in her lap.  
  
They sat in silence for a while and Anna gently ran her hand through his hair over and over again, finally Bosco said:  
  
"Why did you tell Faith you wanted me to come home?"  
  
"Because I wanted you to."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"You know I always want you to come home, no matter what, I love you."  
  
"Why?" he asked almost inaudible.  
  
"Because you're the best thing that ever happened to me, because I feel safe with you, because I can't live without you!" she said and took his head in her hands and forced him to look at her.  
  
"Well you can't save me this time," he said and looked at her, sadness in his eyes.  
  
"Yes I can," she said gently, sliding down at the couch beside him.  
  
He shook his head. " No you can't. It's too late; I'm too messed up. I'm not the same as I was twelve years ago," he said tiredly.  
  
"Neither am I, but that isn't important, the important thing is; do you WANT me to save you?" Anna said and looked at him intensely.  
  
"Do you want to save me?" Bosco asked, his voice challenging her.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Why?" he asked doubtfully.  
  
"Because I need you to save me!" Anna said in a shaky voice, as she tried to hold back her tears.  
  
He looked at her in surprise. " Save you from what? Can't you see that the safest place for you is away from me?"  
  
She shook her head. "You're wrong. It's the other way around. It's only when I'm with you that I'm safe, did I look safe when you found me on my kitchen floor?"  
  
Bosco winced at the memory, but shook his head. "Anna," he said gently, "you know that isn't true. I only end up hurting you all the time. You know you're better off without me."  
  
"No," Anna whispered as she tried hard to suppress her tears. "You're wrong. The only time you hurt me is when you leave me. All the times you really hurt me, all the times I suffered because of you was when you left me, not when you were with me. I NEVER wanted you to leave. You were the one who told me it would be better that way. I can't remember that I agreed!"  
  
The pain and hurt in her voice and eyes made it difficult for Bosco to breath.  
  
"Anna, " he said pleadingly. "You don't understand; I did it because I love you. I didn't want to hurt you."  
  
"But you did," she whispered.  
  
"I know," he whispered back and gently wiped away the lonely tear that had escaped from her eye.  
  
"And you're wrong," she continued." I do understand. You didn't run away because you were afraid of hurting me, you were afraid I would hurt you. You ran away because you were afraid to love and be loved."  
  
He looked into her beautiful blue eyes and knew she was right. "I'm not very good at loving people, I don't know how to do it," he whispered.  
  
"Yes you are!" Anna said, "You're really good at loving people, the thing you can't handle is to BE loved." Bosco didn't answer, he just reached out and pulled her close to him and buried his face in her hair.  
  
"It's time to stop running Bosco, " Anna said, her eyes filled with tears and the sorrow evident in her voice, "please let me save you, please let us love you. We wouldn't hurt you, I promise."  
  
"But I let you down," his voice was barely a whisper.  
  
"Yes you did, and I'm not gonna lie to you, It was the worst time in my life. I thought I would die. You left me to deal with things by myself, telling me it was for the best, making me feel like all I ever was to you, were another problem to solve. Then Joshua died, leaving me without anything left to remind me of you and no one to love. I've never felt so lonely in my entire life," Anna said and could no longer stop herself from crying.  
  
It took Bosco all he had not to cry himself as he pulled away from her and wiped away her tears. "I'm sorry, " he whispered unhappily, "I'm so sorry, please don't cry."  
  
"Why didn't you come back?" she cried uncontrollably now. He pulled her back in his embrace and whispered with his lips against her hair:  
  
"I didn't want to hurt you any further."  
  
"But can't you see I was hurt because you weren't there! I always am. All I wanted then, and all I want now, is to be with you, no matter what;" she sobbed and pulled away from him.  
  
"But why? I failed you the last time, how can you trust me this time?"  
  
"Forget it, it's in the past. Try to forgive yourself, I have."  
  
"But what if I fail again?" he whispered, despair in his voice.  
  
"You won't. We'll make this work, together. Please Bosco don't leave me again. That's the only time you really hurt me," she said and looked at him pleadingly, her eyes bright and her face wet with tears.  
  
Bosco looked back at her and put his hand on her cheek, once again wiping away her tears.  
  
"I don't want to leave, I love you, I'm not sure I can do this alone anymore," he whispered and she could see the tears in his eyes. She smiled through her own tears. There it was, he had said it. He loved her; he needed her just as much as she needed him, like always.  
  
"Then just stay," she said and rested her head against his chest.  
  
Anna lay on her side in the bed and looked at Bosco who was sprawled out, lying on his stomach, sleeping peacefully. He had finally fallen asleep an hour ago of pure exhaustion. He'd promised her over and over again that this time he'd do it right, this time he wouldn't fail her. She wasn't so sure about that. She knew he would try, both of them would, but she wasn't so sure they were going to make it, they never had before, but she really didn't care. He was back with her and for now that was all that mattered.  
  
She sighed and shifted so that she lay on her back, staring at the ceiling. It wasn't like she didn't know this probably was an idiotic thing to do, that it probably was going to end up in disaster, but she couldn't help herself. Although her brain kept telling her that he was right, she was probably better off without him, her heart was telling her differently. The truth was: It was only without him that she was unhappy. That wasn't just something she had said to make him feel better. It was the truth. As long as he was around, life was fine. Complicated, yes, but fine. Without him, life was complicated and horrible. So the way she saw it, the only thing she could do was to once again take a chance on him, to once again try to save herself by saving him. This time she was afraid though, because behind that, for her, so familiar hunted look in his eyes, she had seen a glimpse of something else, a glimpse of utter despair. She'd never seen it there before and it frightened her. Maybe he was right; maybe it was too late to save him this time. 


	10. Chapter ten

TITLE: One heart beat for every lost day.  
  
AUTHOR: faith_in_Faith  
  
E-MAIL: faith_in_Faith@hotmail.come  
  
DISCLAIMER: Don't owe a thing., just borrow and play..  
  
RATING: PG-13  
  
SPOILERS: We have reach "sex, lies and videotapes."  
  
AUTHORS NOTE: BIG THANKS to Jenny and Carina, for correcting this for me and to Wine -into- Water for correcting it and encouraging me all the time. Thanks everybody who does reviews! You make this so much fun!  
  
CHAPTER TEN  
  
Bosco felt someone kick his leg and reluctantly opened his eyes to see who had the nerve to disturb his sleep. His eyes fell on a small boy curled up on his side next to him, at first he got confused, but than he remembered that he wasn't at home. He was at Anna's place and the boy in the bed was Samuel or if it was Adam, it was hard to tell, because to Bosco they looked exactly the same. He would make a bet on Samuel though, because his pajama was blue. Anna had no problem telling who was who, but she was supposed to know, she was their mother.  
  
Poor kid, he thought, he had probably had another nightmare. Not a single night went by without one or both boys ending up in their bed after a nightmare and that was all too familiar to him. There was one big difference though; no one had been there to comfort him.  
  
Bosco had more or less moved in with Anna after that night three weeks ago, when Faith once again saved his sorry ass, and Anna once again was there for him when he needed her the most and, most important of all, asked him to come back to her. He smiled happily when he thought about it and carefully, not wanting to wake up the boy, pushed himself off the bed and headed into the kitchen. Anna was by the stove, fixing breakfast, and Adam, at least he thought it was Adam, was already sitting at the kitchen table, and eating his porridge.  
  
"Morning Bosco," the boy at the kitchen table said.  
  
"Morning Adam," Bosco said hesitantly and was rewarded with a happy smile that told him he had guessed right this time.  
  
He wrapped his arms around Anna's waist from behind and kissed her neck as he said:  
  
"Morning." She turned around and smiled. "Morning, slept well?"  
  
"Mm," he said and tried to kiss her.  
  
"Stop it!" she said and smiled again. "Sit down and eat, I'm gonna get Samuel."  
  
He sat down at the kitchen table and started to eat his breakfast, not porridge though, thank God. Anna came back with a very sleepy Samuel and sat him down at the table.  
  
"Morning Samuel," Bosco said and got a sleepy smile in return.  
  
"You're working today?" he asked and looked at Anna and suddenly he saw a glimpse of something in her eyes. Fear? No, it couldn't be, right? It was gone as fast as it had come as she said:  
  
"Yeah, I work the same hours as you this week. Eve's gonna pick up the boys this afternoon."  
  
"Do you want me to drop them of at preschool?"  
  
She smiled gratefully. "That would be great. I need to run some errands."  
  
He nodded and they finished their breakfast in silence. They always eat more or less in silence and that had surprised Bosco at first. By now he had gotten used to it, but he was still fascinated by the fact that two kids could be that quiet. ****  
  
"Bye Bosco," Adam said and Samuel hugged his legs, Bosco kneeled down and embraced both of them as he said:  
  
"Now behave and have fun, OK?"  
  
"You're coming home to us tonight?" Samuel asked and looked at him pleadingly.  
  
Bosco nodded.  
  
"Promise!" Adam said.  
  
Bosco opened his mouth to respond as he heard Anna's voice in his head: "Don't make promises you can't keep, especially not to the kids." He looked Adam in the eyes and said:  
  
"You know I can't promise that. Things I can't control can happen at work, but I promise to be careful and do everything I can to come home, OK?"  
  
"But Faith's looking after you, right?"  
  
He smiled, "Yeah, she is."  
  
"Anna, can I talk to you for a moment?" one of Anna's colleagues, named Kit said.  
  
"I'll be there in a minute," Anna answered without looking up from the IV she was changing.  
  
"Anna," Kit said again and something in her voice made Anna turn to look at her.  
  
"What?" she asked with worry in her voice. Kit looked at her and pointed at the door and said:  
  
"Let's take it outside." Anna smiled at the little boy in the bed, and said:  
  
" I'll be right back."  
  
"There's a cop at the nurses' desk who wants to talk to you. She says it's important," Kit said unhappily.  
  
Anna didn't respond. She just hurried towards the desk and her heart started to race as she spotted Faith standing there, looking extremely nervous.  
  
"Faith?"  
  
Faith, who looked like she would start crying any minute, said in a shaky voice:  
  
"He got shot Anna; I'm so sorry I wasn't there. I'm so sorry."  
  
Anna felt her knees go weak and she reached out and grabbed the desk for support.  
  
"How bad Faith, how bad?" she asked, and silently prayed to God for mercy.  
  
"I don't know exactly, but the bullet hit his vest and he..e. he woke up at the scene, but I think he hit his head too and hee..e. having trouble breathing." Faith choked out.  
  
Anna closed her eyes and thanked God for not taking him from her. She couldn't believe it. All those years she was married to Thomas she didn't have to hear things like this, not even once, but after only three weeks with Bosco, here she was, scared almost to death, looking at his partner who had guilt written all over her face.  
  
"I'm so sorry, I should have been there, I should have backed him up, I just. I'm so sorry. I know I promised you," Faith said, anguish in her voice.  
  
"It's OK Faith, I know him. I know how hard it is to keep him out of trouble, believe me. Don't you worry about it," she said and gave her the most reassuring smile she could manage at the time.  
  
"Can I see him?"  
  
Faith nodded "He's been asking for you," she whispered.  
  
"You have a concussion and a cracked rib, you should stay here over night and rest," the doctor said.  
  
"No way!" Bosco said and winced from the pain in his chest as he moved.  
  
Anna, who stood in the doorway, smiled relived. If he was like this, than he was OK.  
  
"Hi," Anna said.  
  
"Hi," he said looking guilty.  
  
"You really know how to scare me half to death, don't you?" She went into the room and sat down next to him at the exam table.  
  
He smiled weakly. "What can I say? It's a gift."  
  
Anna just sighed. "I'm glad you're OK," she said quietly. "Is Faith gonna take you home now?"  
  
"No I want to drop by the station and get my things and change clothes."  
  
"OK, I'll pick you up there in an hour, I'll just finish my shift first," Anna said and fought back tears of relief.  
  
He nodded, "Sorry to scare you and drag you away from work."  
  
"It's OK, you didn't do it on purpose, did you?"  
  
He smiled and shook his head and grimaced when he felt the pain the movement caused him.  
  
Anna kissed him carefully and said as she stood up: "See you in an hour then, I love you."  
  
Bosco grinned and said: "Ditto."  
  
Anna looked at Bosco who sat on the couch, his head resting on the cushions, his eyes closed. She was worried about him. He hadn't said a word since she'd picked him up and she was starting to wonder if she should take him back to the hospital, maybe he was worse off than they first thought. She studied him quietly, checking his breathing. It was a bit fast and shallow but nothing else was to be expected. She went and sat down next to him, caressing his hair as she said:  
  
"How're you feeling?"  
  
"I got shot, how do you think I'm feeling?" he asked annoyed as he opened his eyes and looked at her, a frown on his face.  
  
OK, so that's the problem, she thought. He was mad at someone. Well it couldn't be at her, because she hadn't said any of all the things she wanted to say, so then it had be at Faith.  
  
"Why are you mad at Faith?" she asked.  
  
He looked surprised as he said: "How do you know I'm mad at Faith?"  
  
She smiled. "Well you sure are mad at someone, and since we have barely spoken to each other today I just assumed she was the one that was in trouble."  
  
He didn't respond.  
  
"So you wanna tell me what she has done to piss you off?"  
  
"You wouldn't understand, you're not a cop," he said dismissively.  
  
"How can you be so sure, I was married to one for eight years, remember?"  
  
"It doesn't matter."  
  
They sat in silence for a while and Anna let the memories from earlier that day play in her head, and she remembered Faith saying "I should have backed him up I just. I'm sorry." Suddenly she understood what this was about and she looked at Bosco and said:  
  
"So she didn't back you up?"  
  
Once again he looked at her in surprise. "How did you know that?"  
  
"It was something she said to me, something about how sorry she was for not doing that."  
  
"So she feels guilty, huh? Well that suits her right!" he said, a mean smile on his face.  
  
"Bosco!" Anna said," don't be like that! I know how hard it is to keep you in line!" I'm sure she had a good reason not to be there.  
  
"Yes she had, and that's the worst part of it all!" he said angrily.  
  
"Bosco, what is this all about?" Anna said, both annoyed and confused at the same time.  
  
"She's sick! She's got cancer! And she didn't TELL ME!" he shouted the last part.  
  
"Keep you're voice down, I don't want you to wake the boys," she said and looked at him in confusion. She didn't understand why he was so mad at poor Faith; cancer was a life threatening disease. He should be concerned or afraid, not mad.  
  
"Why are you so mad?" she asked carefully, knowing that the question probably would make him even angrier.  
  
"You heard me! She didn't tell me! he said, staring angrily at her.  
  
Anna felt herself shudder, she hated when people raised their voices against her.  
  
"Please Bosco, don't raise your voice at me," she said quietly. Bosco looked at her and saw the uncertainness in her eyes.  
  
"I'm sorry," he murmured, feeling like a jerk. He shouldn't shout at her, it was Faith he was mad at, not Anna.  
  
"What really happened out there today Bosco?" Anna asked.  
  
He sighed knowing she wouldn't give in until she had heard it all, but also really wanting to tell someone about it.  
  
"We were chasing a murder suspect, but she didn't want to, because she didn't feel well. She even threw up once, but we were the nearest unit so I thought we had to. When we went into the apartment building I thought she was right behind me, but when I called her she didn't answer. Then I got caught behind a door and I called and called for her but she didn't show up, and then he took my gun and shot me! Next thing I remember is that I woke up as she tried to remove my vest." Telling her this had upset him even more and Anna saw that he had trouble catching his breath.  
  
"Bosco calm down," she said gently, "try to take deep breaths, OK?"  
  
Bosco concentrated at his breathing for a moment but as soon as it got better he continued:  
  
"She has known it for months, had surgery and taking radiotherapy and stuff, and still she didn't tell me. I could have been killed today because she didn't trust me enough to tell me she was too sick to back me up!"  
  
Anna looked him straight in the eyes and said:  
  
"Didn't she?"  
  
He looked at her startled, "What the hell do you mean?"  
  
"Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't you just tell me that she didn't want to go after the murder suspect because she didn't feel well?"  
  
"Yeah, but she didn't protest when I ran into the building!"  
  
"Did you give her a chance?"  
  
He didn't answer, just glared at her. She smiled.  
  
"I didn't think so."  
  
"It doesn't matter, she let me down! She didn't back me up! For Heaven's sake Anna, she was too dizzy to even move, she told me so herself!"  
  
"And you don't think you did the same?"  
  
"WHAT?" he shouted.  
  
"I told you to keep your voice down!" Anna said angrily. "Bosco, can't you see you let her down as well? You knew that she was sick, she had told you so. You had even seen her throwing up, but when she wasn't behind you as you thought she was, when she didn't show up when you called for her, did you go back to check on her? No! You just carried on without thinking as usual! For Heaven's sake Bosco, she could have been lying there unconscious or the murderer could have taken her already, you didn't know that, and still you just carried on!"  
  
"I can't believe you try to make this my fault! Who's side are you on anyway?" he said and looked at her angrily.  
  
She sighed. "Bosco I'm not on anyone's side in this, and I'm not trying to make you feel guilty or anything. I'm just trying to show you that everything isn't just black or white, there are many shades of gray too."  
  
"She still should have told me! I thought she at least trusted me enough to tell me something as important as that. I can't understand why she stays partner with me if she thinks she can't trust me with this. She trusts me with her life for God's sake!" or maybe she doesn't, he thought darkly.  
  
Anna took a deep breath and chose her next words carefully, noticing that the anger in his eyes had been replaced by that haunted look again.  
  
"I don't think this is about trust Bos," she said softly "I think she was, and still is, afraid."  
  
"Of what? ME?" he asked in disbelief.  
  
She sighed a little about his lack of fantasy. "No Bos, she is or wasn't, afraid of you. Cancer is a life threatening disease and telling people you love and care about that you might die isn't the easiest thing to do."  
  
"So she didn't think I could handle it, huh? It's SO like her. She always treats me like one of her kids. I hate it! She can't decide what I'm 'old enough' to handle," he said sarcastically.  
  
"And you don't think you're giving her a reason?"  
  
Anna's heart was bleeding for Faith, because Bosco was probably right, this was most likely the reason she hadn't told him. She wasn't stupid and she probably knew that she was pretty much the only one Bosco trusted, at least at the time she found out about the cancer. Anna knew Faith could read Bosco almost as good as she could, maybe even better, and if Anna were in Faith's shoes she would've been afraid to tell him too, actually she would've been scared to death!  
  
Bosco looked at her angrily. "I can't believe you're asking me this shit! Of course I don't!"  
  
"No? Well then tell me Bosco; how do you think you're acting now, huh? Your best friend and partner just told you she has cancer, that she might die, and all you can think about is that she didn't tell you right away! If this is how you always react, then I understand she was afraid to tell you. She doesn't need you sitting here, like a spoiled child, complaining about that you weren't the first to know, what she needs right now is help and support!"  
  
"She still should have told me, " he said stubbornly, but his face had softened and his voice was low.  
  
"Yes, she probably should, but she can't change that now, neither can you, all you two can do is to try to forgive and forget, and Bosco, please try to remember; she needs your support, now more then ever, to be able to fight this. She has cancer."  
  
He looked at her, his eyes growing wide with fear when the severance of the situation finally hit him.  
  
"But she said she would be alright, the doctors had told her so," he whispered, his voice filled with fear and the look of utter despair form the other day back in his eyes again.  
  
"Bos," Anna said gently and looked him in the eyes as she touched his cheek, " things like that can never be for sure, believe me I know."  
  
"Anna, I can't loose her, I just can't!" he said anguish in his voice, and she could tell that he was getting trouble breathing again.  
  
"I know Bos, I know," she said softly, "just take one day at the time, OK? Talk to her tomorrow, try to sort things out, OK?"  
  
He nodded and she said: "Come on, let's get you in bed."  
  
Anna held him in her arms until he feel asleep, praying to God the whole time, not to take Faith away from them, knowing she needed her almost as much as Bosco, if she was going to stay sane in this relationship.  
  
There was a knock at the door and Anna opened it, finding Faith standing outside, looking nervous and at the verge of crying.  
  
"Hi," she said quietly.  
  
"Hi, how are you feeling?" Anna said with concern and worry evident in her face and in her voice.  
  
Faith felt relived. She had thought that Anna would be just as pissed as Bosco, maybe even more. Bosco could have ended up dead because of her, but all she saw in Anna's eyes was compassion.  
  
"I'm OK. How's Bosco?" she said in a shaky voice.  
  
"He's OK too, but he'll not be hunting down any preps for a while, that's for sure!" Anna said and smiled.  
  
"Anna, I'm sorry, I know I promised you, I should have told him, I know he could have died because of me, I." her voice trailed off.  
  
"Faith," Anna said gently. "It's OK, you and I are OK, don't worry about it. Save your apologies for Bosco, he's the one you have to convince. I tried to do some damage control for you, but the rest is up to you."  
  
Faith looked at her, tears in her eyes. "Do you think he wants to talk to me?"  
  
"No, he don't, but he promised me, so he better," Anna said and smiled again.  
  
Faith just looked at her unhappily.  
  
"Look, I have to go to work, but just go on in, and try not worry, I'm sure it's gonna be OK. Don't cry, though, Bosco's girls don't do that," Anna said and left, leaving a confused Faith to star after her. 


	11. Chapter eleven

TITLE: One heart beat for every lost day.  
  
AUTHOR: faith_in_Faith  
  
E-MAIL: faith_in_Faith@hotmail.com  
  
DISCLAIMER: Don't owe a thing, just borrow and play..  
  
RATING: PG-13  
  
SPOILER: Up to and including "Old dog, new tricks."  
  
AUTHOR' S NOTE: Thanks to my loyal beta-readers Jenny and Carina for helping me correcting this, and to Wine_into_Water because without her there would be no story at all! BIG THANKS to all of you reviewing this!! You're so kind it you made my writing so much fun! And Eliza: I'm sorry, what you wished for isn't in this one.PLEASE continue to R&R!  
  
CHAPTER ELEVEN  
  
Anna sighed heavily as she put the key in the lock. She was incredibly late and incredibly tired, almost exhausted. She hadn't slept trough a whole night in almost two weeks. Samuel and Adam had been sick, the flu with an ear infection on top of it. Just to add to it, now when they were finally well again, it was her turn to work the night shift. Bosco had been great though, taking care of them in the mornings and letting her sleep a bit before his shift started, but still she was incredibly tired.  
  
She really hoped that Bosco's shift hadn't been too hard yesterday, because if he hadn't been able to get out of bed to start making breakfast for the kids, they would be late for preschool. She sighed again and opened the door, somewhat happy that at least she didn't have to be afraid of getting beaten up because she was late.  
  
"Hi," she said as she entered the kitchen.  
  
"Where the hell have you been?" Bosco asked with an annoyed frown on his forehead.  
  
Anna looked at him startled and memories from her marriage started to play in her head. She tried to suppress them as she answered.  
  
"It was so much to do at work. I'm sorry. I really came as fast as I could," she said obediently.  
  
Bosco saw the confused and almost scared look on her face and immediately regretted his words. He had acted like a jerk, as always.  
  
"I'm sorry," he said and smiled at her. "I didn't mean to accuse you or something. It's just that I'm not so good at this stuff," he pointed at the pot with porridge on the stove.  
  
"Let me do that," she said and smiled tiredly. She felt relieved. She could see that he too was really tired and that he didn't mean anything by it. She guessed last night's shift had been a bad one.  
  
They all sat down to eat. Anna was so tired she could barely chew and she pretty much zoned out. She didn't notice that Adam was kicking his legs against the table over and over again, but suddenly Bosco lost his patience and said sternly:  
  
" Stop it Adam! NOW!"  
  
Adam jumped slightly, a mix of surprise, confusion and fear crossing his face.  
  
"Yes sir. I'm sorry," he said quietly, looking down at the tabletop.  
  
"Bosco!" Anna said in disbelief. "Don't you dare raise your voice against the children!"  
  
Bosco closed his eyes. Great! Now he had scared the poor kids and made Anna angry with him. Could this day get any worse, he thought.  
  
"I'm sorry. It's just that I had a terrible day at work and I didn't get much sleep. I'm sorry," he said in a regretful voice, looking pleadingly at Anna.  
  
"Well so had I, and you don't hear me yelling at the boys, do you?" Anna said angrily, looking at Adam, who still looked at the tabletop, biting his lower lip.  
  
"It's OK honey," she said and caressed his hair.  
  
"I know, I'm sorry, " Bosco murmured, wishing he could turn back time. "Adam please forgives me. I didn't mean to yell at you. I'm just tired, OK? It was mean of me to take it out on you, please forgive me," he said and smiled unsurely at the boy.  
  
Adam looked at him and smiled happily as he nodded his head. He wasn't afraid anymore. His father never apologized when he yelled at him, so that had to mean that Bosco was just as nice as Adam always had thought he was.  
  
"Why don't you two go and put your clothes on. I'll be there in a minute to help you brush your teeth." Anna said as she stood up and started to clear the table.  
  
"So, do you wanna tell me what's wrong?" she asked and looked at him.  
  
"No."  
  
"Bosco, I'm not in the mood to coax with you. If you don't want to tell me fine, but if you have something you want to share with me do it now. I've been working for almost ten hours and I want to go to bed!" Anna said impatiently. She was still angry with him for yelling at Adam.  
  
"Its Mikey," Bosco said, a mix of sadness and anger in his voice.  
  
"Mikey?" Anna said in surprise, "What has happened to him? Is he hurt?"  
  
"No, he's running dope! In my precinct!" Bosco said angrily.  
  
"What? Is Mikey using drugs?" Anna said in disbelief, and in her head she saw Bosco's kid brother. He had always been pretty quiet and, unlike Bosco, all the beating he had witnessed and taken hadn't made him angry. It had made him afraid. She remembered all the times Steven had picked Bosco up at the hospital. Mikey, always there, wordless, looking at them with big frightened eyes. She remembered how Steven used to put him to bed, telling him everything would be OK, and how he never fell asleep until Bosco had talked to him. Could he really have turned into a drug addict? Yes, she thought sadly, I made sense. He had to escape the memories somehow.  
  
"Yes, as the looser he is! Yesterday I even had to arrest him!  
  
"Did you really have to do that?"  
  
"YES! I had to. I'm a cop for Christ's sake! I can't just walk away and let him do as he pleases because he's my brother!" Bosco almost shouted, his eyes flashing with anger.  
  
"I'm sorry Bosco," she said quietly.  
  
"Yeah? Well, I'm not. I think he's an idiot who got what's coming to him, and I'm NOT sorry for arresting him!" Bosco shouted furiously and took a step closer to Anna.  
  
Anna winced at the anger in his voice and eyes and instinctively took a step back, pressing herself up against the kitchen counter. She wasn't really afraid of Bosco. She knew all to well the look in the eyes of a man who was about to hit a woman. Bosco's eyes didn't look anything like that, and she knew him. He could never do such a thing, but still she couldn't stop herself from moving. Eight years of beating had created a purely instinctive way of acting. When an angry person walks towards you, you try to get away. It was as simple as that, but today it was the wrong thing to do. Today that behavior was creating disaster, and she knew it in the same moment she saw Bosco's reaction.  
  
The anger in his eyes immediately disappeared and was replaced by horror and despair. He raised his hands in front of him, like to show that he was unarmed, and slowly backed away as he said:  
  
"Oh my God Anna! I'm so sorry. Please don't be afraid. I won't hurt you. I promise," he whispered and she could hear the panic in his voice.  
  
"I know you won't," Anna said firmly and took a step towards him, but he continued to back away from her.  
  
"I'm so sorry!" he said again. "You don't have to worry. I'll leave now. You don't have to be afraid of me anymore, I promise. You never have to see me again, OK?" The expression in his eyes was way beyond despair, it was. Anna couldn't even describe it, but it made her feel desperate. She had to get him to stay. She couldn't let him leave in this condition. She just couldn't.  
  
"Bosco, please don't go! Please stay. We have to talk about this! You have to let me explain. It's not what you think, I'm not afraid of you. Please Bosco!" She begged, her voice almost as desperate as his.  
  
"No", he shook his head. "No Anna, there's noting to talk about. I know I scared you. I know you're afraid of me, but you don't have to be that anymore. I'm not gonna stay around until I hurt you. I won't create a new hell for you! I just won't," he said firmly as he turned around and started to walk towards the door.  
  
"Bosco, NO please! Don't just leave like this! We have to talk about it! PLEASE!" Anna cried, but he just continued to walk.  
  
"BOSCO WAIT!" Anna cried again as the door slammed shut and he was gone.  
  
Anna slid down on the floor and buried her head in her hands. Oh God, please help me, she thought. What have I done? How am I ever gonna fix this? How could this happen? Of all the things she had imagined that could go wrong between them, this wasn't even on the list. Suddenly she felt a tiny hand on her shoulder and looked up to meet Samuel's frightened eyes.  
  
" Mom you're OK? Did he hurt you?" Adam asked in a shaky voice from behind his brother.  
  
"Yes I'm OK, and no he didn't hurt me. He would never do that," she said as she embraced them both.  
  
"Then why did he leave?" Samuel asked.  
  
"Because he was afraid."  
  
"Of what?" Adam asked, confused. He didn't think Bosco was afraid of anything.  
  
"Himself, and a ghost from the past," Anna said sadly.  
  
"But there are no ghosts, they aren't real," Samuel said.  
  
"No they aren't, but Bosco doesn't know that," Anna said absently as she stared at the closed door. ***** Bosco unlocked the door to his apartment and collapsed on the couch. He sat there and looked down at his trembling hands and he couldn't believe that he had almost used them to hit Anna. Anna, who never had been anything but loyal and supportive to him, Anna, who probably was the only one that had ever really loved him, Anna, who already been through hell. He just couldn't believe it.  
  
The thing that scared him the most was that he hadn't even been aware of what he was about to do. When he took that step closer to Anna he had no intention of hitting her. At least not in his conscious mind, but obviously he had, in his subconscious mind. There was no doubt about it. He had seen the fear in Anna's eyes and the way she had reacted had only confirmed it. She thought he was going to hit her, and she ought to know, right? She had a lot of experience on that subject. If she saw in his eyes that he was going to beat her, then that was the truth. The more he thought about it the more sense it made to him. He had acted like his father the whole freaking morning. Getting pissed with her for being late, like she did it on purpose. Yelling at Adam for kicking the table. Taking his anger and frustration out on the people he was supposed to love and care about, just like his old man. He knew his worst nightmare had come true. He was just like father.  
  
He suddenly realized that it was a good thing that he'd kept his apartment, because he had to live the rest of his sorry life alone, to keep himself from hurting any women. He would make sure he didn't come anywhere near Anna ever again. She would never have anything to fear from him again, that's for sure. He remembered how she'd begged him to stay, like the poor abused women always did, but at least he would do that differently from his father. He was going to stay away from women from now on. It was a good thing that he'd realized what he was like before it was too late. He looked down at his hands again and suddenly he felt sick to his stomach and he ran to the bathroom and threw up over and over again until there was nothing left in his stomach. Sitting on the cold bathroom floor he leaned his head against the bathtub and stared at the wall in front of him, but it wasn't the wall he saw. It was Anna, pressing herself against the kitchen counter to get away from him. He knew he was doomed. Nothing could save him now.  
  
After about half an hour he stood up and went into the living room and called in sick. He couldn't face anyone today, least of all Faith. ******  
  
Anna paced the kitchen floor over and over again, out of her mind of worry for Bosco. She had called his apartment numerous times since he left, getting his answering machine every time. She had left more messages then she could count, but he didn't call her back. She even went by his apartment last night, but he didn't answer the door and that scared her. She could barely breathe when she thought about how Bosco was probably beating himself up over what had happened. There was no doubt in her mind that he thought he was about to hit her, and she didn't even want to think about what that was doing to him. She had prayed to God that he, at least, would talk to Faith about it, but she doubted it. If he thought that he was about to hit her, he would never tell anyone.  
  
It was two days now since her life once again turned into hell and she still couldn't believe how stupid she'd been. Thomas used to tell her that she couldn't do the simplest thing right, and she started to believe it was true. All she had had to do yesterday morning was to stand still, not move, how hard could it be? But no, she had to take that stupid step back and ruin everything. God, how she hated this room! It was like everything bad in her life happened in this kitchen. She stared angrily at the floor like the floor itself was responsible for all the bad things that had ever happened to her. She couldn't take it anymore. She had to see him. It was three hours until his shift was over and she decided to try to catch him when he left the station. He couldn't refuse to talk to her in front of everyone, right? She went over to the phone and dialed the number to the babysitter and then she went into the living room to talk to Samuel and Adam. 


	12. Chapter twelve

TITLE: One heart beat for every lost day.  
  
AUTHOR: faith_in _Faith  
  
E-MAIL: faith_in_faith@hotmail.com  
  
DISCLAIMER: Don't owe a thing someone else, very luck person does..  
  
RATING: PG-13  
  
SPOILERS: U to and including "old dogs, new tricks"  
  
AUTHORS NOTE: My usually thanks to Carina, Jenny and Wine- into- water for correcting this, and a special thanks to Jenny for the patience with al my objections! BIG THANKS all of you for the reviews, please keep them up they make it easier to write!  
  
Well are they going to be able to fix it.read and find out!  
  
CHAPTER TWELVE  
  
All Bosco had talked about for two weeks now was how sick Samuel and Adam were and how hard it was to take care of sick kids that were whining all the time. So when he called Faith to tell her he was sick, she didn't think it was anything strange about it at all. To tell the truth, she was surprised that he had last as long as he had. She figured he had to catch it from them sooner or later. She really missed him though, because although his patience with her and the preps got less and less as the days went by, Faith had really enjoyed those conversations. For once they talked about the same things, were on the same level so to speak.  
  
She was also amazed about how much responsibility he took for two kids that weren't even his own, but there was something special about Anna. Something that made him show all his good sides at the same time, all the reasons that she was still his partner.  
  
When she stepped out from the precinct that night and spotted Anna outside on the pavement, she immediately felt a knot forming in her stomach. Now what was wrong? Why was she here? Had Bosco fallen seriously ill? Thousands of possibilities to why Anna was there flew through her mind as she made her way over to her. When she came closer, Faith knew for sure there was something seriously wrong. Anna looked terrible. She was very pale and she obviously hadn't been getting much sleep lately, judging by the bags beneath her eyes, and a mix of guilt and despair replaced the usual calm and confident look in them.  
  
"Anna what's wrong? Has anything happened to Bosco?" Faith asked anxiously.  
  
"I don't know," Anna said in a weary voice. "I came to talk to him. I though he was here."  
  
"Why would he be here when he's sick?" Faith asked in disbelief and looked intensely at her, waiting for an explanation. Anna didn't answer. She just looked at Faith, anguish in her big blue eyes.  
  
"Anna! What's going on here? Where is Bosco?" Faith asked, growing more and more worried for every minute.  
  
"I don't know," Anna whispered unhappily and swallowed hard. "I hoped he was with you."  
  
Faith tried hard to put the pieces together and suddenly she understood. Something had gone seriously wrong between Anna and Bosco, and Bosco wasn't sick. He was on the run, again.  
  
"What happened?" she asked softly and put her hand on Anna's shoulder.  
  
"Nothing." Anna said simply.  
  
"Nothing?" Faith said and rolled her eyes as she suppressed the urge to shake Anna. She felt like she was talking to Bosco. He really had a bad influence on people.  
  
"Come on Anna! You wouldn't stand here looking like your whole world was falling apart if nothing had happened. So now tell me! What's wrong?"  
  
"But nothing did happen," Anna said desperately. "He just thinks it did."  
  
Faith looked at her for a few moments and then she sighed.  
  
"Let's go somewhere and talk. Let me jut call Fred first. Can your babysitter stay?"  
  
Anna nodded.  
  
"OK, then just wait a second," Faith said, took out her cell phone and called Fred to tell him she would be late, again.  
  
"So, now tell me what happened." Faith said and looked over at Anna who sat on the other side of the table. She had her hands around her cup as if she tried to warm herself. She took a deep breath and tucked some hair that had escaped from her braid behind her ear. Then she lifted her head to look at Faith and said tiredly:  
  
"He thinks that he was about to hit me."  
  
"WHAT?" Faith exclaimed, and then more calmly," was he?"  
  
"No, of course not!" Anna said in a way that told Faith that she thought it was a very stupid question to ask.  
  
"Then why does he think he was?"  
  
"Because I acted like an idiot!" Anna said unhappily.  
  
"I have a hard time believing that," Faith said softly, knowing all to well that the one who usually acted like an idiot was Bosco.  
  
"But I did," Anna said and looked down at the tabletop.  
  
"Why don't you tell me exactly what happened," Faith said gently. "If I know what happened then maybe I can help you to figure out what to do, OK?"  
  
Anna nodded and took another deep breath, hesitated for a moment and then she said:  
  
"You know the boy's have been sick for a long time right?"  
  
Faith nodded to encourage her to go on.  
  
"I work the night shift this week, and yesterday I was incredibly late because there was so much to do at work. I was hoping that Bosco had been able to get up and start making breakfast for the kids and things." she paused again and looked at Faith. Faith nodded again and Anna continued.  
  
"Well, he had. He looked very tired though, and he was in a very bad mood, so I guessed you two had had a bad shift."  
  
"Yeah, we had," Faith said and thought about how upset Bosco had been after arresting Mikey.  
  
It was Anna's turn to nod before she said:  
  
"I was so tired when we ate so I didn't notice that Adam was kicking at the table, but Bosco lost it and yelled at him. I got angry with him for it," Anna said regretfully.  
  
"I can't say I blame you. Children don't like when you yell at them, and I guess yours have some bad memories connected with those things," Faith said and smiled reassuringly at Anna, not really sure were this was going to end.  
  
Anna looked at her gratefully and offered her a tiny smile before she continued.  
  
"I was angry with him for acting like a jerk. I asked him what was wrong, and he told me about Mikey. Then he got really angry and started to yell at me and suddenly he took a step closer to me, and then I acted like an idiot."  
  
"And did what?"  
  
"I backed away!" Anna said, guilt written all over her face.  
  
"And Bosco thought that you thought he was about to hit you?" Faith asked carefully, knowing they were heading for disaster.  
  
Anna nodded as she closed her eyes and swallowed hard.  
  
"It was horrible. You should have seen him. He was devastated. He told me he knew I was afraid of him, but that I didn't have to worry. He wouldn't hurt me. I didn't have to see him again, ever, and things like that," Anna said in a shaky voice, her eyes filled with tears.  
  
" Were you?"  
  
"Was I what?"  
  
"Afraid of him?" Faith asked, almost holding her breath. If the answer to the question was yes, then this whole thing was irreparable.  
  
"NO! Of course not! That's the worst part of it all. I know what a man looks like when he's about to hit a woman. Bosco didn't look anything like that, never has and never will. When I took that step back, it was just instinct! After all those years of beating, that's how I react, I can't help it! It had nothing to do with him!" she said desperately and wiped away a tear that had escaped from her eyes.  
  
"I tried." She took a shaky breath and tried to pull herself together before she continued.  
  
"I really tried to make him stay, so that I could explain, but he didn't listen. All he could see was that he behaved exactly like his father! Oh Faith! He was so afraid! What am I gonna do?" Anna whispered and buried her face in her hands.  
  
Faith felt so angry. Why could people like Bosco and Anna never have any peace and happiness? Why would everything always have to go wrong? It just wasn't fair. She had really thought that they would be able to heal each other's wounded souls. Obviously she was wrong. Her heart was bleeding for both of them, but most of all for Bosco. It didn't seem to be such a thing as happiness for him.  
  
"Faith, what am I gonna do?" Anna asked again. "I have to talk to him, but he doesn't return my calls or answer the door. What if something has happened to him? What if he has done something to hurt himself?"  
  
Faith felt her heart skip a beat. "He would never do that. He's no coward," she said, quickly dismissing the thought.  
  
Anna just looked at her with eyes filled with anguish and despair.  
  
"You don't understand. If he thinks he's like his father."  
  
"Believe me I do understand!" Faith said firmly, cutting her off. "He would never do something like that. Trust me on this. I know him."  
  
Anna nodded slowly. Faith was right. She knew Bosco, probably better than she did. If Faith said he would never do such a thing, then she didn't have to worry.  
  
"Let me go and talk to him for you," Faith said gently.  
  
"But what if he doesn't open the door?" Anna said pessimistically.  
  
"Maybe he does for me, but if not, I have my own key."  
  
"Can I come with you?" Anna said pleadingly.  
  
"No," Faith shook her head. "It's better if I talk to him alone. If he sees you he might just refuse to talk to either of us. Why don't you go home and try to get some sleep. I try to fix this, OK? I'll call you to let you know he's OK."  
  
"Thanks," Anna whispered gratefully.  
  
Faith looked her straight in the eyes and said in a serious voice:  
  
"I owe you one, remember?"  
  
Anna just smiled weakly. *********  
  
Faith knocked on Bosco's door. There was no answer. "What if he has done something to hurt himself?" Faith heard Anna's voice in the back of her head and once again she dismissed the thought, but an uneasy feeling lingered in her stomach. She knocked again, still no answer.  
  
"Come on Bosco! Open up, it's me, Faith!" she shouted through the door.  
  
"Go away!" came the raspy replay from inside the apartment.  
  
"No, I've gotta talk to you. It's important," she said sternly.  
  
"You'll just catch what I have, go away, I call you later." His voice sounded hoarse and weary, maybe he was sick too.  
  
"No, I have to talk to you. It's about Anna, and I'm tired of standing outside the door talking to your neighbors as well as you. If you're not letting me in I'm gonna use my key," Faith said firmly.  
  
There was a sound of feet shuffling against the floor and then the door opened and Bosco stood in front of her. To say that he looked like crap was probably the understatement of the century, she thought. He was pale and unshaven. His hair was a mess and his eyes blood shot. It was obvious that he hadn't taken a shower recently and she could smell the booze. Compared to him, Anna had looked and smelled like a beauty queen. She looked at him disapprovingly and said:  
  
"So you're sick, huh? It seems to me like you've taken too much medicine."  
  
"What do you want?" he said in a rude voice and massaged his temples.  
  
She took another look at him and saw that he wasn't drunk anymore. He had a hangover. She softened a bit and said:  
  
"I told you. It's about Anna. She came and talked to me today."  
  
Bosco's face drained from what little color it had left and he leaned heavily against the doorframe, closing his eyes.  
  
"Bosco?" Faith said worriedly. He opened his eyes to look at her and she could see the anguish and despair in them.  
  
"I knew that she was afraid of me, but I didn't think she was so afraid that she had to ask you to keep me away from her," he said his voice so raspy and quiet that Faith could barely hear him.  
  
Faith felt a lump forming in her throat. Anna was right; it was horrible to see him. He really looked devastated and on the verge of a nervous breakdown.  
  
"Bos," Faith said gently and took him by his arm. "Let's go inside."  
  
He didn't fight her. She led him to the couch and sat down beside him.  
  
"You're wrong, she's not afraid of you Bos," Faith said firmly.  
  
"You don't know that. You weren't there, but I was. I saw her. I saw her back away from me. I saw the fear in her eyes when she thought I would use these, he held up his shaking hands in front of her, to hurt her. Believe me she's afraid of me, and maybe you should be too."  
  
The utter despair in his voice and eyes started to make Faith feel desperate as well.  
  
"Bosco, please listen to me," she pleaded. "It's not like you think. It's all a big misunderstanding. Anna has tried to tell you that ever since it happened, but you wouldn't listen to her. That's why she came to talk to me. She didn't want me to keep you away from her. She wanted me to bring you back to her."  
  
"That's not gonna happen," Bosco said firmly although his voice was a bit shaky.  
  
"Bosco."  
  
"No Faith! I'm not going back! Next time I might not been able to control myself and I'm not gonna end up hurting her. It's not gonna happen. No way!" he said desperately.  
  
"But Bosco, nothing happened. She wants you to come back. She told me so herself," Faith tried to convince him.  
  
"No nothing happened. This time, but next time she might not be that lucky, and they always want the abuser to come back. You of all people should know that. It's not like you haven't seen it all before," he said bitterly.  
  
"Bosco," Faith said softly, "you have to listen to me. It was a misunderstanding. She told me so herself."  
  
Bosco looked at her and smiled a twisted smile that made him look like he was about to loose it completely.  
  
"There was no misunderstanding, believe me. I acted like my father the whole freaking morning, I even yelled at the poor kids! I know it's hard, but you better face it Faith. I'm just like him, and I if anyone knows what happened, it's me. I was there, you weren't!"  
  
"No I wasn't, but Anna was, and all I know is, that when I left work tonight, she was there, trying to get hold of you, looking just as guilty and desperate as you do."  
  
He didn't answer.  
  
"Bosco look at me!" she urged. He stubbornly looked down at the floor. "Please Bosco" she said pleadingly," look at me."  
  
He reluctantly lifted his head to look at her and she took it between her hands to stop him from turning away from her again, but he pulled it away. She sighed and said:  
  
"When Anna showed up outside the precinct tonight I got scared. I thought you were seriously ill or something. Then I realized that she was as worried about you as I was, that she didn't even know where you were. I asked her what had happened, and do you know what she answered?"  
  
"No," Bosco said barely audible. He was terrified to hear the answer. He didn't want to hear how scared she had been. This was hard enough as it was. He tried to avert his eyes, but Faith held his gaze.  
  
"Nothing. She said nothing had happened."  
  
Bosco looked at her in disbelief. "She said that?" Faith nodded.  
  
"Yeah she did, and to be honest with you that pissed me off. I thought she was just like you."  
  
He gave her a questioning look. She smiled.  
  
"You know, always refuse to talk about things that bug you."  
  
He glared at her, and she smiled again.  
  
"The thing is Bosco, she was telling the truth. Nothing did happen, at least not what you think happened."  
  
Bosco opened his mouth to protest, but she cut him off.  
  
"Now please listen to me, or listen to Anna, because this is what she would tell you if you gave her a chance. You are right. She took a step back, and yeah, in some way she was afraid too, but she wasn't afraid of you. It was the situation that frightened her. She has been beaten for eight years. Eight years Bosco! That's a very long time.  
  
"I know;" he murmured. That thought had tortured him since he found out, and even more so now, when he had almost given her more experience on the subject.  
  
"That kind of experience creates a way of acting that's pure instinct. You know, like we do when we face dangerous situations at work. You were angry. You shouted at her. You took a step towards her. She took a step back. Not because she was afraid of you. Not because she thought that you would hit her, but because that's how she reacts in those kinds of situations."  
  
He shook his head. "No, she thought I was going to hit her. I know it, and like you said: She had been beaten up for eight years. She should know, right?"  
  
Faith sighed. God, he was stubborn, but for once she understood him. For two days he had thought his worst nightmare had come true. If she had been in his shoes, she wouldn't have been that easy to convince either.  
  
"No Bos," she said firmly. "She didn't think that. She told me she knew what a man looks like when he's about to hit a woman and she said you didn't look anything like that. Never have and never will."  
  
"She really said that?" Bosco asked in a shaky voice.  
  
"Yeah, she did, and like you said, she should know."  
  
"So you mean nothing really happened. Everything was just a big misunderstanding?" he said with a mix of disbelief and relief in his voice, looking at her wide-eyed.  
  
Faith nodded. "That's why she tried to get you to stay. That's why she has been calling you and coming here to talk to you. Nothing really happened Bosco, it was just your imagination."  
  
"How can you be so sure? You weren't there."  
  
"No I wasn't, but Anna was. I might not know her all that well, but one ting I do know. She doesn't lie." Faith said firmly.  
  
Bosco nodded slowly. She was right. Anna would never lie, not about something as important as this. Faith looked at him and saw that the truth finally began to sink in and said gently:  
  
"Come one Bos, let me take you home to her. She's been worried sick about you."  
  
"No, I'll go to her tomorrow. I don't want her to see me like this," he said and looked at himself, embarrassed about the condition he was in.  
  
"Come on Bos," Faith said with a smile. "She's worried about you and if I know you, she has probably seen you in a much worse condition than this!"  
  
He smiled weakly and said: "You're probably right."  
  
"I always am," she said and smiled. ******  
  
Twenty minutes later Anna heard a knock on the door and found Bosco standing outside. Her whole face lit up when she saw him.  
  
"Bosco, I'm so sorry," she said in a shaky voice.  
  
He pulled her into his embrace and whispered with his lips against her hair "You have nothing to be sorry for. It wasn't your fault."  
  
"Neither was it yours," she whispered back.  
  
"I know," he said.  
  
Anna pulled away from him and said: "I love you Bosco, but if we're ever gonna make this work, we both have to stop being afraid of ghosts."  
  
He just nodded and pulled her back in his embrace, feeling her shake as she began to cry. 


	13. Chapter thirteen

TITLE: One heartbeat for every lost day.  
  
AUTHOR: faith_in_Faith  
  
E-MAIL: faith_in_Faith@hotmail.com  
  
DISCLAIMER: I don't owe a thing, just borrow and play.  
  
RATING: PG-13  
  
SPOILERS: Well now we are in season three and if you've been watching "Superheroes" and "Long guns" this will be easier to understand.  
  
AUTHORS NOTE: SORRY! I know it took forever to update this, but real world can bee so annoying sometimes. I hope some of you're still with me. Thanks again to all of you that review and of course to my beta-readers Jenny, Carina and wine-into- water for all their help. I owe you guys everything!  
  
CHAPTER THIRTEEN  
  
"Anna Lewis," Anna said in the phone as she dried her hands on the towel. She had just finished the breakfast dishes.  
  
"Hi, it's Faith."  
  
"Oh, hi Faith," Anna said and smiled. In that moment a terrific yell rung through the apartment. Anna sighed and said:  
  
"Hang on a sec," then she covered the phone and yelled: "BOSCO! Please check on the boys and find out what they're fighting about, will you. I'm on the phone!"  
  
"Yeah, yeah!!" he yelled back impatiently.  
  
Anna turned her attention back to the phone.  
  
"Sorry about that," she said in an apologizing voice.  
  
"It's OK," Faith said, amused. "I have kids too, I know what it's like."  
  
"So what can I help you with, love?" Anna said cheerfully. "Do you wanna talk to Bosco?"  
  
"Um, no, actually I wanted to talk to you. I didn't think he was home. Isn't he usually out running this time a day?" Faith asked in an embarrassed voice.  
  
"Yeah, he usually is, but he woke up with a bad headache this morning, so he didn't feel like it."  
  
"Oh," Faith said. "He's OK?"  
  
"Yeah, don't you worry about it, it's just from the lack of sleep. Look, I guess from what you're saying you don't want him to know that we've spoken to each other, so why don't you call me in two hours or so. He has a dentist appointment then."  
  
"Sounds good," Faith said, relieved.  
  
"Who is it?" Bosco asked from behind Anna. Shit! Faith thought. Anna turned around and smiled at him.  
  
"It's Faith."  
  
"What does she want?"  
  
Anna shrugged. "I don't know, why don't you ask her," she said innocently.  
  
Bosco took the phone from her. "Faith?"  
  
"Hi Bos, you're OK?" Faith said worriedly.  
  
"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"  
  
" Anna said you had a bad headache." her voice trailed off. She knew how much he hated when she was 'mothering' him as he called it.  
  
"Oh that, it's much better already. Don't worry about it," he said tiredly.  
  
"OK."  
  
"So what do you want? he asked, tiredness still in his voice.  
  
Faith thought franticly about something to say, then her gaze fell on the pouring rain outside and she said:  
  
"It's raining cats and dogs outside. Do you mind picking me up before work?"  
  
"Sure, no problem. See you at two?"  
  
"Sounds good, thanks" Faith said, relieved that she was off the hook and that he didn't suspect anything.  
  
"Like I said, no problem" Bosco replied. "Bye Faith."  
  
"Bye Bos."  
  
Faith hung up the phone and stared out into space. Only two hours left to the first betrayal she thought nervously. She knew it was for the best, but she still felt like she betrayed him. *****  
  
" So what's bothering you?" Anna said with concern in her voice two hours later.  
  
"It's Bos," Faith said and felt very uneasy talking about him behind his back like this.  
  
"Well I figured out that much myself "Anna said, and Faith could hear the smile in her voice. "What has he done this time?"  
  
"It's more what he doesn't do that bothers me," Faith said and felt like an idiot.  
  
"You mean that he doesn't seem to care about anything or anyone anymore?" Anna asked sadness in her voice.  
  
"Yeah! That's exactly what I mean," Faith said, happy that Anna understood what she was talking about, because she wasn't sure she would be able to explain it even if she wanted to.  
  
"So he's like that at work too. I thought it was just with me," Anna said with worry evident in her voice.  
  
"No it's like he just comes here and.I don't really know.it's like he's not here," Faith said uncertainly.  
  
"I know what you mean. He's exactly like that at home too. Samuel and Adam are the only one who can get through to him, and even then it's only for a short moment. He doesn't sleep, as he should either. He's lying awake for hours, but when I ask him what's wrong he doesn't even answer. Coaxing doesn't help either," Anna said with a sigh.  
  
"I think Hobart killing himself like he did was to much for him," Faith said quietly, feeling her chest tighten just by the thought of that terrible day.  
  
"I know. He should talk about it, but I can't get him to do it," Anna said unhappily.  
  
"Neither can I, and that is the reason I wanted to talk to you. I'm gonna talk to Swerski about getting him someone professional to talk to," Faith said determinedly.  
  
"Like counseling?" Anna asked in surprise.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Faith I don't know." Anna said hesitatingly." He's not gonna like it."  
  
"I know, but we can't just ignore it, then he might go over the edge."  
  
"You're right, but he's gonna be pissed like hell," Anna said warningly.  
  
Faith sigh. "I know and that's one of the reasons why I wanted to talk to you. I want you to be prepared."  
  
"That's nice of you, but I can't promise you any damage control this time, because like I told you earlier; I can't get through to him," Anna said in an apologizing voice.  
  
"I know that. It's OK. I just wanted you to know why he's gonna be pissed, and why I did this to him," Faith said and Anna could hear the anguish in her voice.  
  
"I'm happy you did, and please don't feel guilty about it. It's the right thing to do and I'm glad you have the guts to do it. Don't worry about it. I'm sure he'll get over it, and realize that you only wanted to help him. Just give it some time," Anna said as reassuringly as she could although she had he doubts about it. Bosco was going to feel betrayed, that's for sure.  
  
"I hope you're right," Faith said weakly. "Just take care of him for me, will you."  
  
"I'll do my best, as long as you do the same for me."  
  
"Um well, that's the other reason I called you," Faith said with guilt evident in her voice. "I'm gonna try for a sergeant's degree soon, so I might not been able to stay partner with him for so much longer."  
  
Her only response was silence.  
  
"Anna," she said pleadingly.  
  
Anna tried to process what Faith had said. She felt confused and scared. Why was Faith doing this? What could Bosco have done to make her wanting to leave him? Would he really be able to deal with this, considering how vulnerable he had been lately? Would someone else really be able to handle him, to keep him out of trouble? She highly doubted it, and that meant that she had to worry about him, all the time. Worry a lot! God! This just couldn't be true.  
  
"Why Faith? What has he done?"  
  
"Nothing Anna. He hasn't done anything. This isn't about him. It's about my family and me. I have to be at home more, to spend more time with my kids. My husband and I have some problems and if I get off the streets so that he doesn't have to worry so much, then maybe we can work things out. Please try to understand," Faith said pleadingly. "I'm not doing this to hurt Bosco. I'm doing it to save my marriage!"  
  
"Does Bosco know?" Anna said quietly.  
  
"Yeah, I told him the day Hobart killed himself," Faith said unhappily. "He is going to the ESU anyway. He's been talking about it for months now," she said in an attempt to justify herself.  
  
Anna sighed. She understood Faith. She really did. Family was important, especially kids. She was right about Bosco wanting the ESU too, but Anna knew that he didn't want to do it alone. He wanted Faith to come too. He needed Faith and Faith was leaving him. Bosco probably didn't understand her reasons to leave, and that probably was one of the reasons why he was sinking so deep in his depression.  
  
"I understand Faith, I really do," she said reassuringly. "It's just. I'm not sure Bosco does, and him being out there without you scares me. He needs you."  
  
"I know, but I'm not gonna stop being his friend, just his partner, and I haven't passed the test yet," she said in an attempt to make things seem a little less definite.  
  
"You're right. We'll deal with it later. I'll try to talk to him about it. We'll make it work somehow," Anna said tiredly. She knew she had more problems on her hands than she wanted to think about.  
  
"OK, thanks," Faith said gratefully.  
  
"You're welcome and thanks for telling me. I have to go now, otherwise I'm gonna be late for work. Bosco will be there to pick you up soon," Anna said comfortingly, trying to ease Faith's guilt.  
  
"OK, bye Anna."  
  
"Bye Faith."  
  
Anna hung up the phone and put her head in her hands, wondering why life always had to be so complicated. She couldn't complain though, she had volunteered for this the day she asked Bosco to come back. The question was: How was she going to deal with this? How was she going to pull him through? How was she going to handle all the worry? She sighed. It really looked like a mission impossible.  
  
******  
  
Anna stared out into the dark as she twisted her hands nervously. The VCR clock showed 3:47 am and Bosco was still not home. She wondered what he was doing. He had called her almost four hours ago, to tell her that he was OK, and for that she was grateful. Her heart had almost stopped beating when she saw the news about the shooting. It took all she had to convince herself, like cops' wives had done for ages, that no news is good news. That was also what she had told Fred when he called her to ask if she knew anything, but that just seemed to make him mad. Suddenly she heard Bosco's key in the lock and stood up to face him.  
  
Bosco closed the door behind him and noticed that the apartment was dark. He tried to decide if he wanted Anna to be awake or not. He needed her, like always when he screwed up but, on the other hand, he wasn't sure that he could handle her questions. He closed his eyes and leaned against the wall. Today he'd really made a new top note on the Boscorelli screw up list. He could still see Ross' dead body in front of him and hear Faith's terrified voice when she asked, "Why did you run like that?" Faith. He didn't want to think about Faith, because then he had to face what a horrible person he was.  
  
First he had told her he didn't want to ride with her because of the counseling thing, and then he refused to fully forgive her, although she had saved his life. Now she was in trouble because of him, as always. All she had done was to look out for him, to back him up, to try to save his sorry ass, as always. And this was how he repaid her, by pushing her away and getting her in trouble. Ross. Ross was dead because of him. All in a days work. A piece of cake for Maurice Boscorelli, he thought sarcastically.  
  
"Bosco?" Bosco heard Anna's gentle voice the moment he saw her appear from the shadows.  
  
" Bosco?" she said again and he could hear the catch in her voice that told him she was worried about him. No one could worry like her, not even his own mom. Yeah, like you never give her any reasons to, he thought angrily to himself.  
  
"Bosco?" she said for the third time and carefully touched his face.  
  
He took a step away from the wall; wrapped his arms around her waist and buried his face in her hair like so many times before. Anna sensed that he didn't want to talk so she just hugged him, feeling how tense he was, and remained silent. Her mind on the other hand was running a mile in a minute, trying to figure out what was wrong. The times he acted like this was always the hardest to deal with for both of them. They also always included the most severe problems and the biggest screw-ups. She knew that from experience.  
  
He leaned so heavily against her that she had trouble standing straight, so she pulled away a bit, still holding him and asked:  
  
"Are you OK?" He shook his head.  
  
"Come on, let's go and sit down," she said and almost dragged him to the couch.  
  
"Bosco what's wrong?" she asked again.  
  
"Everything."  
  
Anna didn't respond. She had a feeling she really didn't want to hear this.  
  
"Faith," he finally whispered.  
  
Anna looked at him worriedly. "What about Faith? Is she hurt?"  
  
"No. Ross is. Ross is dead and Faith is in trouble because of me", he said despair in his voice.  
  
Anna could tell that he was dangerously close to a complete breakdown.  
  
"Bos," she started gently.  
  
"No," he cut her off, "I don't wanna talk about it."  
  
"OK," she said and embraced him. He didn't fight her, just rested his forehead on her shoulder and they sat there in complete silence for a long time.  
  
"Anna please make love to me," he suddenly whispered.  
  
"What?" she asked in surprise.  
  
"Please make love to me," he whispered again and started to kiss her in the neck. She ran her hands through his hair and nodded slowly, feeling his need to be loved in every fiber of her body. He took her in his arms and carried her to the bedroom.  
  
Anna gently caressed Bosco's hair and carefully pushed herself off the bed. She went into the living room and stood by the window. She watched the streets of New York slowly waking up. The feeling she had inside that they were- or rather Bosco was- heading for disaster was getting stronger for every day. The way he had made love to her tonight only confirmed it. He had never made love to her like that ever before. He had held on to her like he was drowning. Like she was the only thing that stopped him from sinking, and maybe she was. The thought scared her, because she didn't know how long she could keep him going, and she couldn't see anyone else around to help her. 


	14. Chapter fourteen

TITLE: One heartbeat for every lost day.  
  
AUTHOR: faith_in_Faith  
  
E-MAIL: Faith_in_Faith@hotmail.com  
  
DISCLAIMER: Don't owe, just borrow and play.  
  
RATING: PG-13  
  
SPOILERS: We are in season four and Bosco is "falling".  
  
AUTHORS NOTE: Thanks to all of you who reviewing this. You people really makes me a happy girl! Thanks also to the patient people who correct this for me: Jenny, Carina and Wine_into_water. Since the opinion among you who review this seems to be that you all need more, here you are! So please R&R!  
  
CHAPTER FOURTEEN  
  
Bosco sat on the couch staring out into the dark apartment without thinking one single thought. He just sat there, like he was lost in another, better world. He couldn't sleep anymore. Ever since Ross had died he had spend most of the nights awake, thinking, trying to figure out how his life had became an even bigger mess than it already was. He never came up with any answers, and now he didn't even think anymore. He just tried to exist, and even that was almost more then he managed to do. Suddenly the sound of small footsteps against the floor caught his attention and a little voice on the verge of crying said:  
  
"Bosco."  
  
Bosco turned his head to the left and spotted Samuel in the doorway.  
  
"Hey there champ. What's the matter? What are you doing out of bed?" he asked.  
  
Samuel just looked at him and Bosco could see the tears in his eyes.  
  
"Had a bad dream, huh?" he asked and Samuel nodded.  
  
Bosco held out his hand and said, his voice low and comforting, "Come here."  
  
Samuel ran into his embrace and buried his head against Bosco's shoulder.  
  
"It's OK. It was only a dream. Why don't you go and sleep next to your mom?"  
  
The little boy shook his head. "I don't want to. I want to be with you. I want you to do your magic thing."  
  
"My magic thing, huh?" Bosco said and smiled. Samuel nodded. "Well OK," Bosco said and Samuel smiled happily.  
  
"OK, are you ready?" he asked with a smile. "Yeah," Samuel said with a big grin on his face.  
  
"Then close your eyes," Samuel did as he was told. "Can you see the bad dream?" He nodded. "Then catch it with you're left hand." Samuel moved his hand in front of his eyes.  
  
"Do you have it?" He nodded. "Then open your eyes and give it to me," Bosco said and held out his hand. Samuel opened his eyes and pretended to drop the bad dream in Bosco's hand. Bosco quickly closed it, read a magic spell over it, opened his hand again and pretended to blow the bad dream away.  
  
"OK, now it's all gone. Felling any better? he asked. Samuel nodded and smiled happily.  
  
"Good!" Bosco said. "Come on, let's get you back to bed." Samuel shook his head.  
  
"No, I wanna do the same for you," he said.  
  
"What? Bosco asked in surprise.  
  
"You're sitting here because you too had a bad dream, right?"  
  
Bosco looked at him for a moment and then he said:  
  
"I guess you're right." My whole life is a nightmare, he thought.  
  
"Then let me do magic for you!" the little boy said pleadingly.  
  
"OK." They did it all over again, this time with Samuel in charge, then Samuel said: "Now it's all gone and you can sleep again."  
  
"Thanks," Bosco said and gave him a slight smile. If only it was that simple, he thought.  
  
"Can I stay here?" Samuel said pleadingly.  
  
Bosco nodded and held him in his arms, watching how he slowly drifted back to sleep, wishing his life could be that simple.  
  
Anna woke up, not sure about what had waked her. She glanced to her left to see if one of the boy's had come to their bed, but it was empty so she turned to the right again to go back to sleep. Then she realized that the bed was empty. Empty, as in no one there. That meant that Bosco wasn't sleeping, again. She sat up and rubbed her eyes tiredly. She slowly got out of bed and winced when she felt the pain in her hip. Anna knew she should use shoes inside too, because when she didn't she had to limp, and that had caused her hip to get worn out. She looked around on the floor for her shoes but she couldn't find them, and as so many times before, she just ignored it. She stood up and went to look for Bosco. She found him on the couch with Samuel in his arms.  
  
"Bosco, " she whispered. He turned his head and looked at her.  
  
"What's wrong with Samuel?"  
  
"He had a bad dream."  
  
She nodded slowly and held out her arms. "Let me put him back in bed."  
  
Bosco shook his head and slowly stood up as he said: "I'll do it."  
  
She nodded again and stepped aside to let him through. When they left she sat down on the couch and started thinking. She was so worried about him.  
  
Things hadn't gotten even a bit better since Faith talked to Swerski, only worse. He had hardly slept at all since the night Ross died. The only times he fell asleep was after they had made love, or when one of the boys slept in their bed too, and even then he didn't sleep for long. He was sinking deeper and deeper into his own personal hell, and Anna didn't know what to do to ease his pain. It didn't help at all that he didn't ride with Faith anymore. As far as Anna knew they weren't angry at each other anymore, but Bosco had murmured something about that it was safer for her not to be anywhere near him. He refused to talk about anything and he refused to see the shrink anymore. It was like he thought he was alone in this world, and in a way he was. He had locked himself up in his own personal hell, and no matter how hard Anna tried, she couldn't find the key. The look of utter despair had permanently replaced the hunted one in his eyes. That look had scared her when she first saw it, and it scared her now. Maybe even more.  
  
Bosco carefully laid Samuel down on the bed and tucked him in. He kissed his forehead and glanced over at Adam, who was sleeping peacefully, before he left the room. When he reached the hallway he suddenly felt a pain in his chest and it was a bit difficult to breath. He tried to take deep breaths but it was hard and he started to feel afraid. What was wrong with him? It was the second time this night he felt this way.  
  
Anna had heard his footsteps coming, and when they stopped in the hallway she felt slightly irritated. She was determent to either make him to talk, or make him go back to sleep again. She wasn't going to let him run away, not this time. She stood up and limped into the hallway. She immediately spotted him leaning against the wall. His forehead was covered with cold sweat and his breathing seemed a bit labored.  
  
"Bosco what's wrong? she asked worriedly.  
  
"I don't know.I don't feel so good," he said weakly as he shook his head in an attempt to get rid of the strange feeling of losing control.  
  
Anna's heart started to beat faster as her worry increased. She wasn't surprised though, the permanent lack of sleep had to give some physical symptoms sooner or later. He wasn't superman. She gently wiped away the sweat on his forehead and checked for a fever.  
  
"Come on let's get you to bed," she said and took him by the arm. He didn't fight her and that scared her too. That had to mean he really didn't feel well.  
  
Bosco lay down on the bed and Anna sat down beside him.  
  
"Anna, what's wrong with me? Why do I feel like this?" Bosco said, anguish in his voice.  
  
"Have you felt like this before?"  
  
"Yeah, once, earlier tonight," he confessed. Anna carefully caressed his hair and face and said:  
  
"It's probably just from the lack of sleep. It causes physical problems sooner or later, but if it doesn't get any better you have to see a doctor, OK?"  
  
"I don't like doctors," he murmured and tried to control his breathing. She smiled.  
  
"I know, don't think about it now. Try to take deep breaths and relax. You need to get some sleep," she said gently.  
  
Bosco nodded slowly. He felt better already. The soft touch from Anna's hands made him relax a bit, and he felt less lonely, as always when she was around. He could feel himself slowly losing the battle and he drifted off to sleep.  
  
Anna watched him sleep and sighed heavily. He seemed to be getting closer to a nervous breakdown for every day that went by. She had to talk to Faith about it. Maybe they could find a way to reach him together.  
  
*********  
  
"Bosco you really should stay at home today," Anna said worriedly.  
  
"Why? There's nothing wrong with me," he said impatiently.  
  
"That's not what you said last night, and you don't look so good. What if something happens to you at work because you're not a 100% OK?" she tried to reason with him.  
  
"For Heaven's sake Anna! Can you just once stop nagging me about how I feel? I told you I'm fine, now leave me the hell alone!" he snapped at her.  
  
"Whatever you say," she said quietly and felt tears forming in her eyes. She hated when he shut her out like this. She was so tired. She didn't know if she could do this much longer if something didn't change soon. Bosco looked at her and saw the tears in her eyes.  
  
"I told you. No crying," he said impatiently.  
  
"And I told you not to raise your voice at me," she answered angrily.  
  
The hurt look in her eyes made Bosco sober up. He carefully touched her face and said regretfully:  
  
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to act like a jerk. I'm just tired. " Anna bit her tongue to stop herself form saying, I told you so. Instead she said tiredly.  
  
"Yeah, Yeah, now just go. You're gonna be late."  
  
*****  
  
"Faith it hurts. I can't breath!" Bosco cried. Faith saw the anguish in his eyes. She swallowed hard.  
  
"Sully can't you drive any faster?" she said desperately as she stroked Bosco's hair in an attempt to sooth him.  
  
"We'll be there in a minute. Just hold on Bosco!" Sully said and glanced at them in the rearview mirror.  
  
"Anna!" Bosco cried.  
  
"Shss Bos, I call her when we get to the hospital."  
  
"Home," Bosco breathed."  
  
"OK," Faith said. "I call her at home. Don't you worry." **** Anna wasn't surprised when she got the phone call from Faith that afternoon. She had had this bad feeling all day. Considering the state he had been in the previous night, something was bound to happen sooner or later, and bad things had a way of happening sooner.  
  
"I'll be there, but it can take a while, because Bosco took the car this afternoon," she said into the phone.  
  
"Hang on a sec." Faith said and covered the phone with one hand. "Sully!"  
  
"Sully looked over at her and said questioningly; "What?"  
  
"Can you pick up Bosco's girlfriend?"  
  
Sully raised his eyebrows. "Does he have a girlfriend who cares enough to come over here now?"  
  
Faith glared at him. "Yes or no?"  
  
"Yes, of course."  
  
"Anna, Sully's gonna pick you up in about fifteen minutes, OK?"  
  
"OK."  
  
******  
  
Sully glanced over at the woman sitting in the passenger seat. She didn't look anything like Bosco's usual chicks. She had introduced herself as Anna. Anna.suddenly he remembered the cop who had beaten up his wife. Bosco had called the woman Anna, and he had been more than determined to kill her husband. He also remembered that Faith had said that something had gone wrong between them. So this was her. Sully couldn't help but wondering if she was sane. He couldn't imagine that anyone wanted to have a relationship with Boscorelli more than once.  
  
"So what happened? Why do you think he had a heart attack?" Anna asked and looked at Sully.  
  
"Yeah, well." Sully said hesitantly and glanced at the two little boys sitting in the backseat of the RMP. He briefly wondered if they were Bosco's kids. Anna saw the look.  
  
"Don't worry about them. They've been through a lot worse than this," she said dryly.  
  
Sully nodded his understanding. In that case they have to be Boscorelli's kids, he thought sarcastically.  
  
"He was chasing a bank robber suspect, and he had caught him, when the bag with money exploded in his face. When we reached him, he was lying on the ground saying that his chest hurt and that he couldn't breathe."  
  
Anna bit her bottom lip. What if she had read the symptoms wrong last night? What if he really had had a heart attack? No, she thought, it wasn't possible. Or was it? Anna quickly walked through the hospital doors, practically dragging Samuel and Adam with her. Faith was by the nurse's desk and when the boys spotted her they immediately ran to her.  
  
"Hi guys," Faith said and crouched down in front of them. Samuel looked at her with big frightened eyes and said:  
  
"Is Bosco dead?"  
  
Faith swallowed hard. "No honey, he isn't. He's with the doctors now. They'll help him, OK?"  
  
Both boys nodded with a serious look on their little faces. Faith met Anna's eyes over their heads. She could see all the questions in them, but all she could say was:  
  
"I don't know what happened Anna. I honestly don't. He wasn't riding with me today, but it didn't look good."  
  
Anna just nodded. In that moment Dr Thomas stepped out from the exam room. Anna quickly walked up to him.  
  
"How is he? Did he have a heart attack?" she asked anxiously. "I'm his girlfriend," she added when she saw the questioningly look on the doctor's face.  
  
Dr Thomas looked over at Faith and Sully for confirmation. They both nodded and Faith said:  
  
"That's correct."  
  
Dr Thomas looked gravely at Anna and said:  
  
"No it wasn't a heart attack."  
  
"Then what's wrong?" Faith said worriedly.  
  
Dr Thomas continued to look at Anna.  
  
"I think you'd better talk to him yourself."  
  
Anna saw the look of pity in his eyes and knew her diagnose from the previous night was right, either that, or he was dying.  
  
"Are you gonna keep him here?"  
  
"No, only for half an hour or so, I want to keep him on the heart monitor a little bit longer, just to be on the safe side."  
  
Anna nodded and looked over at Faith, who still had the boys in her embrace.  
  
"Go on, I look after them for you, " she said reassuringly.  
  
Anna looked at them and said: "Be nice, OK?" They both nodded.  
  
Anna entered Bosco's room and took in his appearance. His eyes were closed and he had some kind of red paint on his face. The hospital gown, and the fact that he was hooked up to a heart monitor, made him look so vulnerable. She swallowed hard and suppressed her tears. Bosco sensed that someone was in the room and opened his eyes.  
  
"Hi," Anna said quietly. "How are you feeling?"  
  
"Fine," he said shortly.  
  
"Yeah? Well I guess that's why you're lying in a hospital bed hooked up to a heart monitor, denying everything, as usual?" she said, suddenly feeling very angry.  
  
Why did she always have to drag everything out of him all the time? Why couldn't he for once in his life tell her how he felt? He looked at her, his eyes filled with emotions she couldn't fully read. Anger, but behind that something else, fear maybe? She wasn't really sure.  
  
"Well that's not really necessary since the doctor say there's nothing wrong with me. It's just my imagination. Basically, in his opinion, I'm a nut case."  
  
Anna's face and voice softened immediately when she heard the touch of despair in his angry voice.  
  
"Bos I'm sure that's not what he meant. All he said was that there's nothing physically wrong with you."  
  
"Then it has to be mental, right? That means I'm a nut case."  
  
"No, but you have been under a lot of stress lately. You have to start talking to somebody about what's bothering you. Someone who can help you," Anna said pleadingly.  
  
"Like a shrink? I don't think so Anna! I've done that remember? It didn't help at all! They just tell you that you need to let your emotions out, or that all this is because your mother didn't potty train you right, or some other shit! It doesn't help at all!" He was starting to get really upset, causing the alarm on the heart monitor to go off. Anna quickly silenced it.  
  
"Maybe that's what you need to do," she said her voice soft and quiet.  
  
"What?" he huffed.  
  
"Let your emotions out."  
  
" Cut the crap Anna. I don't need it!" he spat angrily.  
  
"Bosco please! You really need to. This is making you sick, can't you see that?"  
  
"I'm not sick, both you and the doctor told me so. It's just the lack of sleep. I don't need a shrink. All I need is to get some more sleep. You said so yourself!"  
  
Anna closed her eyes and mentally kicked herself for giving him a way to escape from the truth, again. She knew she was defeated. There was no way she could convince him now.  
  
"Bos, you haven't been able to sleep that much lately. What makes you think that would change now?" she asked, carrying a little tiny hope that he would see what she saw.  
  
"I'll try not to think so much of all the shit that has happened lately, OK? And you're helping me, right? To fall asleep?" His eyes were filled with anguish and pleaded with her for help.  
  
"Of course I will, but what if."  
  
"NO," he cut her off. "No, don't say you can't! You can! You always can! We can fix this together, just you and me, right?" he said desperately and put his hand on his chest when the pain came back. The alarm on the heart monitor went off again and his breathing started to get labored.  
  
Anna silenced the alarm once more. She felt her own chest tighten when she saw and heard his desperation. She wished she could make this nightmare go away, for both of them. She caressed his hair and put her hand on his cheek as she kissed his lips softly, all in an attempt to sooth him and make him calm down before someone realized what was going on.  
  
"Yeah, we can fix this together, just you and me," she said softly. "Just try to calm down a bit OK?"  
  
Bosco took her hand and held it tight. "Promise," he said. His anguish filled eyes never leaving hers.  
  
"I promise." Anna said, knowing that for the first time in her life she had given him a promise she couldn't keep. 


	15. Chapter fifteen

TITLE: One heart beat for every lost day.  
  
AUTHOR: faith_in_Faith  
  
E-MAIL: faith_in_Faith@hotmail.com  
  
DISCLAIMER: Don't owe a thing, as usual!  
  
RATING: PG-13  
  
SPOILER: Up to and including season three, Bosco is still "falling"  
  
AUTHORS NOTE: To those who review this: I owe you everything, but all I can offer you is another chapter. PLEASE continue to R&R!! To Jenny, Carina and Wine-into-water : Thanks for your time! I appreciate it more then I can express!  
  
CHAPTER FIFTEEN  
  
Later that night:  
  
Anna woke up with a start when the phone rang. She quickly looked down at Bosco, who was sleeping with his head on her shoulder. She carefully moved away and placed his head on the bed, praying that he wouldn't wake up. It rang again. She quickly picked up the cordless phone on the nightstand and said, her voice very low:  
  
"Anna Lewis."  
  
"Hi Anna. It's Faith."  
  
"Hi Faith, just give me a minute, will you?" Anna whispered and stood up, grimacing in pain as she limped into the living room as quickly and quietly as she could.  
  
"Sure, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up," Faith said unhappily.  
  
Anna glanced at the VCR clock. It showed 11:40 pm, and that meant that Faith had called them in the same moment as she got home from work.  
  
"It's OK," Anna said tiredly, and rubbed her eyes with her free hand.  
  
"So how is he? Is he OK?" Faith said worriedly.  
  
"Yeah, he's OK. I finally managed to get him to fall asleep about,".she glanced at the VCR clock once more, "two hours ago."  
  
"What's wrong with him Anna? He told me it was food poisoning, but that isn't the truth, is it?"  
  
"No, that isn't the truth," Anna said slowly.  
  
She could hear Bosco's voice in her head. "Not a word to Faith about this! Do you hear me? I don't want her to pity me, and I don't want to drag her down with me. She's better off without me. Trust me on this!" I wonder why that sounds so familiar? she thought sarcastically.  
  
"Then what's wrong? Is he seriously ill?" Faith asked, and Anna could hear the fear in her voice. She sighed heavily.  
  
"Look Faith, I can't tell you. He doesn't want me to. I promised him."  
  
"So he's dying, right?" Faith said, and Anna could hear that she was on the verge of crying.  
  
Anna closed her eyes. This was worse than she thought it would be, and she couldn't do it. She couldn't let Faith think that Bosco was dying. She did not deserve that. She took a deep breath and said:  
  
"No Faith, he isn't dying, but his soul is." She could hear Faith inhale sharply.  
  
" So he finally went over the edge? It was some kind of nervous breakdown or something."  
  
"Yes he did, and yes it was."  
  
"So what are we gonna do?"  
  
Anna took a deep breath and said: " I don't know. He doesn't want you to know, and he doesn't want to see a shrink. He wants me to fix it. Alone."  
  
"Can you?"  
  
"No."  
  
"So then what are we gonna do?"  
  
Anna closed her eyes. "I don't know. Wait for the complete breakdown, I guess," she whispered tiredly.  
  
"Is there anything I can do?"  
  
"Just keep me sane, will you?" Anna said and blinked away her tears.  
  
"Sure, you can call me whenever you want."  
  
"Thanks," Anna whispered weakly, and Faith could hear that she was exhausted.  
  
"Don't worry about it. If you need anything, just call. Now try to get some more sleep, OK? You sound like you need it," Faith said softly.  
  
"I will, bye Faith and thanks."  
  
"You're welcome."  
  
Faith hung up the phone and tried to get rid of the lump in her throat. She was so worried about Bosco. It was a relief though, that he had Anna, but she felt sorry for both of them. Right now they were in hell, and there wasn't anything she could do to help.  
  
Anna went back into the bedroom to check on Bosco. Thankfully he was still asleep, with a sigh of relief she slipped down under the covers next to him and fell asleep too.  
  
**********  
  
The next day, about 11:30 pm:  
  
Anna laid on her stomach sound asleep. She had to work an early shift the next morning so she had gone to bed early. She hoped that Bosco wouldn't need her when he came home from work, but that he would wake her up if he did. Suddenly she felt someone shaking her. She slowly opened her eyes and saw Adam standing at the side of the bed with a frightened look on his face.  
  
"Come here honey," she said gently, and tried to put him in bed next to her, assuming that he had had a bad dream.  
  
He pulled away. "No mom. You have to come! I think Bosco is sick again. He can't breath and he doesn't hear us!" he said, the fear evident in his eyes.  
  
Anna immediately got out of bed. "Where is he?"  
  
" In the bathroom, I had to pee, and he sat on the floor, hurry mom!"  
  
Anna quickly made her way to the bathroom and found Bosco sitting on the floor. His hands were at his chest and his breathing was very laboured. His eyes were looking straight ahead at Samuel, who was sitting in front of him. The little boy was trying to get his attention by calling his name over and over again, but it was obvious to anyone who saw him that he wasn't aware of his surroundings. Anna gently picked Samuel up and said:  
  
"Honey, take your brother with you and wait for me in the living room."  
  
" But we have to help him!" he said helplessly.  
  
"I know that honey, and I will. Don't worry about it, just go to the living room and wait for me, OK?" she said with her best nurse's voice, in an attempt to sooth her terrified kids.  
  
"Shall we call an ambulance?" Adam asked.  
  
Anna shook her head. "No, just go and wait in the living room."  
  
Samuel and Adam reluctantly left the room. Anna kneeled down beside Bosco and stroked his cheek.  
  
"Bosco, look at me," she said firmly. He didn't respond to her, but she didn't give in. She continued to call his name, gently but firmly, to try and make him snap out of his trance-like state. Finally she could see the sanity return in his eyes, and he struggled to catch his breath as he said her name.  
  
"It's OK," she reassured him, and carefully pulled him into her embrace. "I'm here, everything is gonna be OK, just try to take deep breaths," she said and rubbed his back soothingly.  
  
"Anna, help me, please help me!" he choked out between his struggled breaths.  
  
"I will, I will. Everything is gonna be alright. We sort it out. Don't you worry, you know I love you," Anna said reassuringly as so many times before, although she was painfully aware of that this time; it was a big lie. She wasn't even close to capable of fixing this. She held him tight, and felt his heart rate and breathing calm down a bit.  
  
"I'm losing it Anna," he said, his voice very shaky. "I'm losing it for real. I'm going insane."  
  
"No, you don't. It's gonna be alright. We sort it out," Anna said once more, and tried to keep all her own fears out of her voice.  
  
"Yes, I am. I've already lost it once today, in the car, with Sully. I was driving. I almost got us both killed. Please Anna help me!"  
  
He looked at her, and the anguish and despair in his eyes made her come very close to losing it too. She couldn't stand his pain. It was like someone tortured them both, and she knew there was no way she could handle this on her own. She had to convince him to get some professional help.  
  
" I will, but I can't do it alone. You have to let someone else help you, someone professional. Please Bosco," she pleaded, hoping he would give in.  
  
"No! I can't. If they find out at work, they're gonna fire me!"  
  
"Do they really have to know?" Anna asked carefully, although she knew it was the wrong thing to do. A police officer in his condition shouldn't be at work, but right now she didn't care. All she wanted was to convince him to get some more help. She could deal with the rest later.  
  
"I can't do it Anna. They'll find out sooner or later, and I can't lose my job. I just can't."  
  
"Please Bosco! You have to. I can't do this alone anymore. You're dragging us all down with you. Samuel and Adam can't see you like this everyday. It's gonna destroy them," she said, unable to keep her own despair out of her voice.  
  
He immediately pulled away from her. "What do you mean? The boy's haven't seen me like this."  
  
"Yes they have," Anna said quietly. "They found you here. They came and woke me up."  
  
He closed his eyes tightly. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to make their lives a living hell too," he whispered tiredly.  
  
"It's OK. I know you didn't, and there's really nothing you can do to them, that haven't already been done," she said tiredly. "We can't go on like this though. You have to get some help for the sake of all of us. Please!"  
  
"Sully said he knew someone." he said slowly.  
  
"Good! Please, please go and see him, and we'll fix this together. I promise," she said, feeling a tiny hope rise inside.  
  
"OK, but you have to help me. I'm so afraid," he said, and started to cry.  
  
Anna pulled him closer. She felt dread rise inside. In all the years she had known him, he had never cried. Not even once. No matter how much pain he was in, physical or emotional, he never cried, and the fact that he did now scared her almost to death. It made her feel lost. Bosco's girls didn't cry, because Bosco didn't. He fixed things instead, or just dealt with them, and if Bosco cried, then what were his girls supposed to do?  
  
*********  
  
Anna sat on the floor beneath the bed, and watched the three men in her life sleep. Samuel and Adam were curled up as close to Bosco as they could get. They were sleeping peacefully and, despite everything that had happen, so was he.  
  
When Bosco had finally stopped crying she had helped him to bed, and then gone into the living room to talk to Samuel and Adam. They had been terrified. They cried and asked her over and over again what was wrong with Bosco, and if he would die. Anna had tried her best to explain to them what had happened, and what was wrong with him. It wasn't easy though, to explain to two five-year-olds what a nervous breakdown was, and why people got it. She had told them that all they could do right know was to be nice to Bosco, and show him that they loved him, so that he didn't feel lonely.  
  
They seemed to understand most of it, and they had insisted on seeing him. Anna knew that the things you imagine usually are worse than the truth, so she let them go to him. They had immediately crawled up to him in bed, and whispered that they loved him. Anna's eyes had gone all teary when she watched how Bosco gently tousled their hair, and told them that it was OK. They didn't have to be afraid. He was going to get some help to get well again, and he loved them too. Samuel and Adam didn't want to leave him, so she gave in and let them stay, and now she sat there, watching them all sleep.  
  
She didn't sleep though. She was too afraid. She briefly thought about calling Faith, but she knew that that probably would piss Fred off, considering what time it was. Instead she did the only thing she could think of. She prayed to God for mercy.  
  
*********  
  
The next day, about 7:00 pm:  
  
Bosco sat at the kitchen table looking down at his plate. He hadn't touched his food. He wasn't hungry. Anna and the boy's were eating in silence, as usual, and for once he was grateful for it. He couldn't take it anymore. He had to have something that numbed the pain, something that stopped his thoughts from running like a bloody train. He stood up abruptly, went to the fridge, and took out a bottle of scotch. He carried it with him into the living room and dropped down on the couch. He took a long swig and started to think about his shitty life.  
  
He was suspended, without pay, wonderful. Not to mention the wonderful thing called mandatory counseling. He had tried to talk to the guy Sully had told him about, but he was just as stupid as the other ones. He couldn't talk to people. He never had. Yeah well, except for Anna, and maybe Faith, but none of them would understand this, especially not Anna. He heard her footsteps approach him, and he knew she had sat down on the coffee table in front of him. He didn't look up. Instead he lifted the bottle to take another swig. She reached out and stopped him, her hand in a tight grip around his wrist.  
  
"Don't drink. It's not gonna solve anything," she said calmly.  
  
He looked up at her with an annoyed frown on his face. He tried to jerk his hand away, but she didn't let go.  
  
"Let go of me! Leave me the hell alone!" he said angrily.  
  
"No," she said firmly, still holding his hand in a tight grip.  
  
"I said let go of me! If I wanna drink, I drink. It's the prefect solution right now, and that's none of your damned business!"  
  
He felt guilty the moment he uttered the words. He looked at her and expected to see hurt or fear in her eyes, but to his surprise there was nothing there but deadly calmness.  
  
"Yes it's my business. We live together remember? If you love me, you put that bottle down," she said, the coldness evident in her voice.  
  
"Come on Anna," he said tiredly. "I don't need a lecture."  
  
"I'm not gonna give you a lecture. I'm giving you a choice. If you love me, you put that bottle down and get some help. If you don't, do whatever you want. I promise not to bother you ever again."  
  
Bosco looked at her in horror. This couldn't be true, right? She didn't threaten to leave him? He felt the panic rise inside. He was lost without her. She had to help him. She had promised.  
  
"Please Anna. You have to help me, you promised," he whispered.  
  
Anna saw the fear in his eyes and hardened herself. She didn't want to do this to him. She loved him, and she knew that he loved her, but they had reached a point when this was the only way left to try.  
  
"I can't," she said coldly.  
  
"Yes you can! Please you have to. I love you, you know that."  
  
"Then put the bottle down and talk to me. I can't help you if you keep shutting me out all the time, and this time I can't wait until you feel like it. I have the boys to think about. They need some stability and peace in their lives, and so do I," she said calmly.  
  
Bosco put the bottle down on the coffee table and looked at his hands. He was scared. Anna had never talked to him like this ever before. She had never threatened him in any way before. He knew she was serious. He knew this was his last chance.  
  
"I see things," he said slowly. "Things that have happened to me, and then I lose control, and I can't breath."  
  
"What do you see?" Anna said gently, the coldness in her voice gone.  
  
Bosco tried to decide whether to tell her or not. How could he tell her that the man she thought could do anything, her hero, had run like a coward when people needed him the most? No he couldn't tell her. He just couldn't.  
  
"I can't tell you," he whispered unhappily.  
  
"Why?" she said simply.  
  
"I just can't. You wouldn't understand."  
  
"Is it cop's stuff?"  
  
"Kind of, yeah."  
  
"Then talk to Faith about it."  
  
"She doesn't want to talk to me."  
  
"Yes she does."  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
"I just do, OK?"  
  
They sat and looked at each other for a while. Then Bosco laid his head in Anna's lap and said:  
  
"Please Anna, don't leave me. You have to help me. I'm so afraid."  
  
Anna ran her fingers through his hair gently.  
  
"I know you are, and I'll help you as I promised. We'll fix this together, you and I, but we need some help. Please Bosco, talk to Faith and the shrink. If you can't talk to me, that's fine. I don't care, but you have to talk to someone, OK? Please Bosco, do it for me and the boys."  
  
"I will, I swear. Just don't leave me," he said desperately.  
  
"I won't leave you. I love you, " Anna said reassuringly.  
  
"You do?"  
  
"Yes I do."  
  
"For sure?"  
  
"Yes Bos, fore sure," Anna said lovingly. She was happy she could tell him something that was completely true for a change.  
  
***********  
  
Later that night:  
  
Anna lifted her hand and knocked on Faith's door. Faith had called her about thirty minutes ago, and asked if she could pick Bosco up, since he was exhausted after their talk. In a way Anna was happy that he was, because that had to mean that he had opened up to Faith. The door opened and a very tired looking Faith appeared in the doorway.  
  
"Hi," Anna said quietly, knowing her kids were probably asleep.  
  
"Hi, thanks for coming," Faith said wearily.  
  
"Yeah well, I guess I have to pick up my belongings when they walk away, " Anna said and smiled.  
  
Despite her tiredness, Faith couldn't help but smile herself. She didn't know anyone whose smile was as contagious as Anna's.  
  
" Where is he? Is he OK?" Anna asked, noticing that Bosco was nowhere in sight.  
  
"He fell asleep. He was more than exhausted."  
  
"So he did talk?"  
  
"Yes he did," Faith said, and wondered if she should tell her that he had cried too, but she decided against it. He probably didn't want Anna to know.  
  
"So was it cop's stuff?"  
  
"Yeah some of it, but mostly it was about 9/11."  
  
"He was there?"  
  
Faith nodded, and Anna felt her chest tighten when she thought about how close she had been to losing him, for good. They looked at each other for a moment, and then Anna suddenly remembered something.  
  
" So how did the sergeant's test go?"  
  
Faith looked down at her feet and bit her bottom lip, and then she lifted her eyes and looked at Anna.  
  
"I kind of failed."  
  
A little smile tugged in the corner of Anna's mouth, and she raised her eyebrows as she said:  
  
"Kind of failed, huh?"  
  
"Mm," Faith said and smiled back faintly. They looked at each other for a long moment in mutual understanding.  
  
"Thank you very much!" Anna said, eyeing her fondly.  
  
"You're welcome. I guess I'm the newest member in the bad judgment club," she said sarcastically.  
  
Anna just smiled. 


	16. Chapter sixteen

TITLE: One heart beat for every lost day.  
  
AUTHOR: faith_in_Faith  
  
E-MAIL: faith_in_Faith@hotmail.com  
  
DISCLAIMER: I don't owe a thing, as usual.  
  
RATING: PG-13  
  
SPOILER: Up to and including season four.  
  
AUTHORS NOT I: Big thanks to all the usual people: Jenny, Carina, Wine_into _water and all you kind people the R&R PLEASE keep doing that!  
  
AUTHORS NOT II: I know that a lot of you love the way I'm following the thing that happens in the show, but I'll have to start cheating a bit. Mainly because of two things: 1) I couldn't in my wildest dreams imagine that they would to such a mess of season four, and if I should write about everything this story would go on for ever, and I don't think anyone wants that. 2) They haven't even shown all of season four in the country I live in so if I've got something wrong; please forgive me and try to endure it OK?  
  
Well enough talking! Over to the story! I hope you still enjoy!  
  
CHAPTER SIXTEEN.  
  
Anna wrote down the last thing on her shopping list, and looked at her watch. It showed 12:30 pm, and Bosco was still asleep. If he didn't wake up by himself soon, she had to wake him. She stood up, and went to the kitchen counter and poured herself a cup of coffee. She went back to the table, sat down again, and started to think.  
  
Once again she was worried about Bosco. About the things he did, and about the way he acted. After he had had that nervous breakdown and started to really talk to Faith and the shrink, life had been good. Really good, but now. He wasn't heading towards another nervous breakdown, that wasn't the problem. The problem was that he was changing, and not in a good way.  
  
In a way it was as if it all started with Fred's heart attack. Faith had called Bosco useless and that had really gotten to him, and to Faith too. Anna had rarely ever seen anyone look and feel so guilty about anything, as Faith did about that. They had sorted it out though, but then one bad thing after another had happened in Faith's life, and suddenly they started to grow apart. It was like none of them could handle that she needed him more than he needed her.  
  
Now things were worse then ever before. They hardly talked to each other anymore. Anna didn't know for sure what had happened, because none of them wanted to talk to her about it. She had a feeling though, that it had a lot to do with Bosco working Anticrime. The thing was; it was when he started to work with the ACU, and sergeant Cruz, that he really started to change. He got tougher, harder and showed less compassion, at home as well as at work. It was like the power and danger was intoxicated him, and that probably was as close to the truth that you could get. Anna knew. She had seen it all before. She also knew how it usually ended, and she didn't look forward to it.  
  
She was pretty sure that Faith had seen it too, and that probably was one of the reasons why things were strained between them. The fact that she basically gave up her career to be there for him, and then he moved on as if nothing had happened, probably didn't help at all. She sighed. He really was talented when it comes to messing things up. Suddenly she heard a noise from the bedroom and soon enough he walked into the kitchen. He looked very sleepy and his hair was a mess. Actually he looked more than tired. He looked exhausted, and that concerned her, considering he'd been sleeping for more than twelve hours.  
  
"Morning sleepy head," Anna said and smiled.  
  
"Morning," he answered, and smiled back, wrapping his arms around her. "What's the time?"  
  
"Almost one o'clock." He let go of her.  
  
"Shit! You should have woken me up earlier. I have to be at work at half past two."  
  
"At work? I thought it was your day off, " Anna said, and tried to keep the disappointment out of her voice.  
  
"It is, but I have to work an extra shift. It's a very important case, Cruz specifically asked for me," he said proudly.  
  
"Do you really have to?" Anna asked carefully. She didn't want him to get mad at her, but she was worried about how tired he had been looking lately.  
  
"Anna!" he said warningly.  
  
"Sorry," she said, and raised her hands in surrender.  
  
Bosco's anger immediately disappeared. "Don't do that," he said softly.  
  
"Do what?"  
  
"Raise your hands like that. Like you're afraid of me or something."  
  
"I'm sorry. It's just another bad habit," she said and smiled. He kissed her tenderly.  
  
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get angry. It's just that this is really important to me. This can be my chance to get a permanent assignment in Anticrime." Anna felt a knot forming in her stomach. She didn't like this, not at all.  
  
"I know, I'm sorry too. I didn't mean to get on your case about work. It's just that you've been working a lot of extra shifts lately, and you've been so tired the last couple of days."  
  
Bosco sat down on one of the chairs and pulled her down on his lap.  
  
"I'm OK. Don't you worry about me."  
  
"Are you sure? You don't look so great," she said and looked at him worriedly.  
  
"Thanks! You really know how to make people feel beautiful, don't you?" he said and grinned at her.  
  
"Bosco," she said pleadingly. He grew serious.  
  
"Honestly Anna. I'm fine." She sighed and looked down at the floor.  
  
"Anna?" Bosco said questioningly, and lifted her chin so that he could look at her. She looked at him, and he could see the fear in her eyes.  
  
"What is it? What's wrong?" he asked worriedly.  
  
"I just wish that you would at least ride with Faith, that's all," she said quietly.  
  
"Anna," he said lovingly. "You don't have to worry. Cruz is great, and you can count on her covering my back just as good as Faith would, OK?"  
  
"OK," she said doubtfully.  
  
"Anna, please trust me on this. I wouldn't work with anyone I didn't trust. You know that."  
  
"Yeah, I know that," Anna said, but you usually trust the wrong people, she thought tiredly.  
  
"So it's OK then, me working today?" he asked eagerly, and looked like a little boy who wanted his mother's approval. She had to smile at his childish behavior.  
  
"Yeah, it's OK. One more thing though."  
  
"What?"  
  
"If you're gonna work today I need the car."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"We were supposed to go grocery shopping today, remember, and if I'm gonna do it by myself I need the car. You don't want me to drag it all on the subway, do you?"  
  
Bosco hit his forehead with his palm. "Shit! I'm sorry. I forgot. Can we do it tomorrow?"  
  
"Only if you want the boys to starve until then." He made a face.  
  
"I'm so sorry."  
  
"Relax Bosco, it's OK. Just let me have the car." Bosco looked at her seriously.  
  
"No it's not OK. Your hip is bothering you, right?"  
  
"Bos," she said softly. "I'm fine, It's gonna be OK. Don't worry about it." He shook his head.  
  
"No, no! You're not fine, and this is not OK. You shouldn't have to carry all those things by yourself. I don't want you to be in pain all night. Can't you ask Faith to help you or something?"  
  
"Bosco! You can't be serious! You can't expect Faith to do a thing like that. She has her own family to think about. Have you even talked to her lately?" Anna said in disbelief. She knew he was a bit self-absorbed, but this was ridiculous.  
  
"Not really, no," he murmured and looked a bit ashamed.  
  
"Why?"  
  
He shrugged. "I don't really know. Haven't seen her much. We don't work together that much anymore."  
  
"Well I have, talked to her I mean."  
  
"You have?" he looked slightly surprised.  
  
"Yeah, she called me yesterday and wanted to talk. Something was bothering her. Sounded pretty serious to me. I'm gonna meet with her tomorrow."  
  
"Yeah? Did she tell you what it was about?" he said worriedly.  
  
"No."  
  
"Well, I guess you'll find out tomorrow. It's probably that damned kid again," he murmured angrily, referring to Emily.  
  
"Doesn't it bother you at all that she didn't come to you, when she needed someone to talk to?" Anna said reproachfully.  
  
"Don't start with me Anna. We've grown apart, OK? It happens, I'm moving on. She isn't. There's nothing to do about it," he said impatiently, but she could see the guilt and uneasiness in his eyes. "I'm happy though, that you two are still good friends," he added softly.  
  
Anna sighed, but didn't respond. Instead she said:  
  
"Back to what we were talking about in the first place. Can I have the car?"  
  
He sighed heavily. "Of course, that's not a problem, but I wish there was another solution."  
  
"Drop it Bosco. I'll be fine. Will you do me a favor and pick up the boys at preschool before you go to work?"  
  
"Sure, no problem."  
  
"Good! Now go and get dressed. I'll fix you something to eat."  
  
**************  
  
Samuel and Adam ran through the door with Bosco following close behind. They hugged Anna and then sat down at the kitchen table and started to eat their snack.  
  
"I'm leaving now, OK?" Bosco said and kissed Anna.  
  
"Yeah, be careful," she said and kissed him back.  
  
"Bye champs!" he said, and headed towards the door.  
  
"Bye Bosco!" they yelled after him.  
  
"Bosco!" Anna called. He turned around.  
  
"What?"  
  
She smiled. "The car keys."  
  
"Sorry." He grinned and tossed them towards her. She easily caught them with one hand and Bosco's grin grew wider.  
  
"That's my girl!"  
  
She grinned back and said: "I'll drop them of at the precinct later."  
  
"You don't have to do that. I'll take the train."  
  
"No, I don't want you to. You usually work so late when you work Anticrime. It's safer with the car."  
  
He shrugged. "OK, have it your way. Might see you later then."  
  
"Yeah, later," she said and threw him a kiss.  
  
Bosco smiled and headed out through the door.  
  
***************  
  
Anna walked up to the desk sergeant. Samuel and Adam held her hands tightly, and looked around with big eyes. They loved the station house. She released her hands from their grasp and put the car keys on the counter.  
  
"I'm looking for Officer Boscorelli. He's working anticrime today," she said and smiled at the desk sergeant. The man spotted Cruz, who was coming down the stairs.  
  
"Sergeant Cruz," he called out to her.  
  
"What?" she said. She didn't look like she liked to be interrupted in whatever she was doing.  
  
"Is Boscorelli with you?"  
  
"Why do you ask?"  
  
"He has a visitor," he said and motioned with his head towards Anna.  
  
Cruz approached Anna with a curious look on her face.  
  
"Who are you?" she said shortly.  
  
Anna wasn't stupid. She knew the enemy when she saw it, and this was definitely the enemy. When she looked into Cruz's eyes her worst fears came true. This was not a nice person. This was an evil, backstabbing bitch. She was sure about that, and she didn't trust her with Bosco's life, not even for a minute.  
  
"I'm Anna Lewis. Officer Boscorelli and I live together, and you have to be Sergeant Cruz," she said sweetly, offering her hand to Cruz.  
  
"Well, well isn't it the little housewife who has come to visit us," Cruz said with a sarcastic smile on her lips.  
  
"Nice to meet you too Sergeant Cruz," Anna said politely and smiled her most beautiful smile, but her eyes were cold as ice.  
  
All the years she had spent saving Bosco's ass from all kind of trouble, and the fact that she'd managed to survive eight years of beating, had made her a master at this kind of games. Cruz got caught off guard for a moment by Anna's actions. She hadn't expected her to put up a fight. The way Bosco had described her, and the fact that she had known Thomas Lewis and had heard him brag about how he had his wife acting like a dog, hadn't prepared her for this. She quickly recovered though. She was a master at game playing too. . "I didn't know you played games honey," Cruz said her voice pleasant, but the smile on her face was more than unpleasant.  
  
"I only play games I know I'll win," Anna said calmly, her eyes never leaving Cruz's. They showed no fear, no uneasiness, only determination.  
  
Cruz laughed meanly. "You can't win. As a matter of fact you're as good as losing it already!"  
  
"You don't understand. You think you're gonna win, and in a way you are, but the thing is; he always comes back to me. Always. I always win in the end," she smiled nicely, "and then you're gonna lose, and you're gonna lose big. Believe me!"  
  
Cruz narrowed her eyes and opened her mouth to respond, but in that moment Bosco came running down the stairs, so instead she just glared at Anna.  
  
"Bosco!" Samuel and Adam exclaimed happily when they saw him.  
  
Bosco's face lit up, and he smiled widely when he saw them. He knelt down and let them run into his embrace.  
  
"Hey there champs! How's it going? Did you help your mom with the groceries as I told you to?" They both nodded eagerly.  
  
"Yeah, we carried all the toilet paper and our cereals by ourselves, just as you told us," Adam said proudly.  
  
"And we helped her unpack the cart too," Samuel said just as proudly as his brother.  
  
Bosco tousled their hair fondly and said: "That's my boys!"  
  
He stood up and looked lovingly at Anna. "Hi."  
  
"Hi yourself," Anna said and smiled. She shifted her weight to her other leg, in an attempt to ease the burning pain in her hip. She winched a bit when she did. It didn't pass undetected to Bosco and his eyes immediately got a worried look.  
  
"You're OK?"  
  
She smiled again. "I'm fine." He looked at her doubtfully.  
  
"Honestly Bos," Anna said softly.  
  
Cruz had watched them with a disgusted look on her face. "Boscorelli!" she barked.  
  
Bosco jumped slightly, and blinked a few times before he turned to Cruz.  
  
"What?"  
  
"We gotta get moving. We're working, remember?"  
  
"Sorry sarge," he said.  
  
"I gotta go Anna. See you at home," he said, and she could see his eyes flicker as he tried to avoid meeting hers. The way he acted towards her when Cruz was around only confirmed what she already knew. Cruz was definitely the enemy.  
  
"OK. See you," Anna said and smiled. She turned to Cruz.  
  
"Nice to meet you sergeant," she said politely, but Bosco noticed the cold look in her eyes.  
  
Cruz just nodded shortly in return, and Bosco could feel how tense she was. What was it about the women he loved and Cruz? Why couldn't they see how great she was? Women, he thought. He would never understand them, not even if he lived to be a hundred. He turned to leave when he heard Adam's voice call:  
  
"Bosco wait." He turned to look at him.  
  
"What is it?" he said softly.  
  
"Can I ask you something?"  
  
Bosco smiled. "Sure."  
  
Adam looked at Cruz with frightened eyes and said: "I wanna whisper."  
  
Bosco sighed slightly. Now what was going on? He glanced over at Cruz to see if she thought they had enough time for this. She sighed dramatically.  
  
"Make it short!" Bosco nodded and crouched down in front of Adam and said gently, careful about not letting his impatience show in his voice:  
  
"Now tell me." Adam put his lips against Bosco's ear and whispered:  
  
"Why are you working with a bad cop?"  
  
Bosco was stunned. He looked at Adam in utter surprise. Where was this coming from? "I'm not working with a bad cop" he said, his voice very low. He didn't want Cruz to get pissed about this. "She's a great cop, why do you think she's a bad cop?"  
  
Adam just looked at him with sad eyes. Bosco took him by his shoulders and looked him in the eyes. "Come on Adam, you know me. I would never work with a bad cop. You know that, right?"  
  
Adam nodded. Bosco smiled relieved. "There you are, then she has to be a good cop, right?"  
  
"Whatever you say, " Adam said obediently. Bosco frowned. He didn't like the way Adam was acting.  
  
"Boscorelli!" Cruz said impatiently.  
  
Bosco looked at Adam. "Look Adam, we'll talk about this more later, when I'm not in a hurry, OK?"  
  
Adam nodded. " Please don't be mad at me," he whispered, and Bosco could see his bottom lip starting to tremble. Bosco felt confused about the whole ting. What was going on? Why was Adam so afraid?  
  
"Of course I'm not mad at you, but you've misunderstood something. We'll sort it out tomorrow. Don't worry about it, OK?"  
  
Adam nodded again and hugged him. Bosco hugged him back and then stood up and waved at all of them before he followed Cruz through the doors.  
  
************  
  
Bosco sat in the RMP with Cruz, who was driving, and tried to think. He had had an uneasy feeling in his stomach ever since they left the precinct. Anna's cold eyes, and the strange question Adam had asked, wouldn't leave him alone. Why didn't Anna like Cruz? Anna liked everybody. She always understood and saw something good in people. Why would she not like Cruz? Cruz was great, right? Maybe a bit ruff, but it was not like Anna to dislike someone because of a thing like that. That was not how she was. So why on earth didn't she like her?  
  
Faith doesn't like her either; a voice in the back of his head reminded him. She thinks she's no good. He quickly suppressed the memory. Faith didn't understand this. She was just jealous or something, but the most disturbing question of them all was: Why did Adam think she was a bad cop? She really couldn't remind him of his father, right? She was a bit ruff though, and she didn't like children, so that might be the reason. The boys were a bit sensitive about those things, and God knows they had a reason to be. Yeah, that had to be it. That was why he was afraid if her. Satisfied with the explanation he had come up with, he leaned back and tried to ignore the fact that he wasn't able to come up with an explanation for Anna's behavior, or Faith's for that matter, at least not a believable one. In the back of his head an annoying little voice kept telling him that if all the people who truly cared about him didn't like Cruz, then there had to be a reason, a good one.  
  
************  
  
Anna tucked Adam in and placed a kiss on his forehead. He looked at her with big, sad eyes and said:  
  
"Mom, why does Bosco work with a bad cop?"  
  
" Was that what you asked him this afternoon?" she asked carefully. He nodded.  
  
"And what did he answer?"  
  
"That he doesn't, but mom he does. You know that too, right? That's why your eyes were angry when you talked to that police woman, right?"  
  
Anna sighed. "Yes you've got it all right."  
  
"So why is he riding with a bad cop? Why can't he ride with Faith like he used to? She's nice."  
  
"I don't know honey. I really don't know, but I don't think he understands that she's a bad cop."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because he likes to believe that all people are good people, and because he wants to show everybody that he's a good cop."  
  
Adam looked confused. "But he is a good cop already. We already know that."  
  
"I know honey. I'm afraid I can't really explain this to you." Adam was silent for a while and then he said:  
  
"Does he feel lonely?"  
  
"I don't know, maybe a little."  
  
"If we tell him we love him, and Faith does too, then maybe everything will be alright again. You know, like when he was sick," he said eagerly. She smiled.  
  
"Yeah maybe, "Anna said softly, knowing that all the love on earth couldn't fix this.  
  
"I'll tell him tomorrow," Adam said. Anna blinked away some tears.  
  
"You do that honey, you do that." She kissed him once more and then went out into the living room, and sat down on the couch.  
  
She rubbed her face tiredly. She was very happy that she was going to meet with Faith tomorrow. She really needed to talk to her too, and she had a feeling they wanted to talk about the same thing. 


	17. Chapter seventeen

TITLE: One heart beat for every lost day.  
  
AUTHOR: faith_in_Faith  
  
E-MAIL: faith_in_Faith@hotmail.com  
  
DISCLAIMER: Don't owe, just borrow.  
  
RATING: PG-13  
  
SPOILER: Up to and including season four.  
  
AUTHORS NOTE: THANKS all of you for the wonderful reviews!! They make me more than happy! My usual thanks for making this story possible: Jenny, Carina and wine_into_ water!  
  
OK a little warning: I know most of you love Bosco, and so do I. But I didn't like the way he acted this season so I'm gonna make him the bad guy here for awhile. Please forgive me and come along with me on this journey. I promise to make it up to you!  
  
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN.  
  
"It's nice of you to take the boys today. I owe you one," Anna said and smiled at Steven. He smiled back.  
  
" It's no big deal. You know I love spending time with them, and since this is my day off." His voice trailed off as he noticed the tired and worried look in his sister's eyes.  
  
"Is everything alright?" he asked gravely.  
  
"Yeah everything is perfect, as always," Anna said sarcastically. Steven sighed.  
  
"So Bosco is in trouble again?" he said and took a close look at her. She didn't look hurt, only worried, so at least Bosco hadn't been an ass to her this time.  
  
"Is, or will be soon."  
  
"Is he really worth it Anna?" Steven asked gently.  
  
Anna just looked at him as if he had lost his mind or something. Steven sighed again.  
  
"Is there anything I can do?"  
  
"You can always pray."  
  
"OK, but with all the praying that it's gonna take, you're gonna have to buy me a new pair of trousers."  
  
"Steven!" Anna said, but she couldn't help the chuckle that escaped her lips.  
  
"What?" Steven said with his eyes twinkling in amusement. "You know I'm right."  
  
Anna smiled and shook her head." I'll pick the boys up around eight, OK?"  
  
"OK, see you later."  
  
"Yeah later."  
  
***********  
  
Faith sat at the table in the small café and played with her napkin. She was very nervous about this. She really didn't know if Anna would be able to deal with what she was about to tell her. They had become very good friends over the past six months. Anna had really been there for her. Even when things with Bosco started to turn into the mess it was in now, she had been nothing but supportive. But no matter how you put it, Bosco was the one that Anna loved. She was just the friend..Suddenly she spotted Anna walking through the door and she waved slightly so that she would be able to see her. Anna waved back and walked over to Faith.  
  
"Hi," she said and smiled.  
  
"Hi," Faith said and managed to give her a slight smile in return.  
  
They looked at each other, and for a moment both of them could see their own tiredness and worry mirroring in the other woman's eyes. Anna sat down and ordered some coffee from the waitress, who had showed up by the table.  
  
"So how come I have a feeling that this conversation is gonna be about Bosco?" Anna said sarcastically. Faith looked at her in surprise. She had never heard her talk like that before.  
  
"Maybe because he's the reason you and I have a bad judgment club?" she answered dryly.  
  
Anna smiled. "You're right, as always."  
  
"So who's first?" Faith asked. Anna motioned with her hand at her.  
  
"Be my guest." Faith looked down at her hands and took a deep breath.  
  
"You know Bosco and I aren't getting along very well anymore?" she said self-consciously. She felt so stupid all of a sudden. It was hard to talk to Anna about this mess, because the way Faith saw it: She was the one to blame.  
  
Anna nodded. "Yes and you're not the only one to blame. It takes two to tango you know."  
  
"Thanks," Faith said and smiled weakly at her. Anna nodded her head again.  
  
"Well a lot of things have gone wrong between us lately, but one way or another they all have to do with Anticrime and sergeant Cruz. She's.." Faith stopped and chewed on her lower lip for a second. She tried to come up with a nice way to explain what she thought about Cruz.  
  
"An evil, backstabbing bitch?" Anna said cheerfully. Faith eyes widened a bit and she looked at Anna in utter surprise.  
  
"Anna! I didn't even think you knew that kind of words!" she said in amusement.  
  
"Come on Faith, of course I do. I live with Bosco remember? I know a couple of others that would fit her description perfect. Do you wanna hear them?" Anna asked, a hint of laughter in her voice. Faith raised her hands and laughed as she said:  
  
"No thanks, I'm fine." Then she quickly grew serious again and said:  
  
"You've met her?" Anna nodded.  
  
"Yeah yesterday."  
  
"Did you talk to her?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"What did she have to say?" "A lot of things, but basically she told me that Bosco was hers and that I'm gonna lose him soon. To her, I guess, or to that stupid job or something."  
  
"I'm sorry Anna," Faith murmured, "but she's using him and he's following her around like a damn puppy. It's like he can't think one single thought on his own anymore."  
  
"I know."  
  
"So did you respond to her in any way?"  
  
"Yeah, I told her that I don't play games that I can't win, and that no matter how hard she tries I'll win, because in the end he always comes running back to me."  
  
"You really said that?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
Faith looked inquiring at Anna and tried to read her face. She really was full of surprises. Every time she thought she had her figured out, she showed a whole new side, but one thing Faith knew for sure. Anna was one of the strongest and most amazing women she had ever met.  
  
"You've been through this before, haven't you?"  
  
"Oh yes I have, several times," Anna said with a hint of resignation in her voice.  
  
"Why Anna? Why does he want to be with her? I mean, I really thought he was happy now, at least with you. I know I haven't been the best partner lately, but Cruz she's.dangerous, she's."  
  
"A bad cop, " Anna said quietly. Faith closed her eyes.  
  
"Yeah. She's gonna bring him down. She's trouble I know that. Oh my God Anna! What have I done?"  
  
"Faith," Anna said gently, "this is not your fault. It would have happened sooner or later anyway, no matter how great a partner you'd been. He would have gone to her anyway, or to someone else, like Hobart."  
  
"But why?"  
  
"Because he's an addict," Anna said simply. Faith looked at her like she was insane.  
  
"What the hell do you mean? He isn't using any drugs!" she said angrily.  
  
Anna smiled slightly. "It all depends on how you look at it. His old man really managed to screw up all of them badly, you know. I was there and it was horrible to see. What he did, created memories that none of them can handle. They have to escape them somehow. They have to find a way to forget, and they have all found their own drug to help them with that. For Rose it's alcohol, for Mikey it's dope and for Bosco it's adrenaline. To get adrenaline you have to feel fear, and to feel fear you have to do dangerous things. I think that's one of the reasons why he became a cop in the first place. I guess you feel fear at least once every shift, don't you?"  
  
"He's always hated quiet shifts," Faith whispered.  
  
"That proves my point exactly."  
  
"But why isn't that enough anymore?"  
  
Anna sighed," basically because of two things. First of all, all drugs crave higher and higher doses to maintain their effect. Adrenaline is no exception. Secondly: You and me, we make him feel safe. When he feels safe he has the time to think, and then the memories come back. He can't handle that, so the only way for him to stay sane is, in his opinion I'll might add, to get out and look for more fear."  
  
Faith starred at her in horror. "My God, I think you're right. What are we gonna do?"  
  
"Nothing. There's nothing we can do. It has always been this way."  
  
"But Anna, this is gonna end up in disaster!" Faith said, clearly upset about the fact that Anna didn't seem to care. "He's gonna end up in big trouble. For Heaven's sake he might even get himself killed!"  
  
"And you think I don't know that? I've seen it all before remember? All we can do is to sit back and wait until he comes and asks for help, and you know that too. If you take the time to look back in the past you know you've seen it all before, just not this bad," Anna said in a shaky voice, and Faith could see that she tried hard not to cry.  
  
Faith felt bad for jumping on her like that. She was right. She had seen it all before, just as Anna had said. Just not this bad, and not so clearly connected to their partner- and friendship. She couldn't help wondering how Anna had managed to survive things like this before, and still love Bosco as much as she did.  
  
"I'm sorry, "she said regretfully. "I didn't mean to jump on you. It's just that it's so hard. She's destroying it, you know, our friendship." Her voice had become more and more quiet for every word until it was almost inaudible.  
  
"Don't let her. He'll be back. I promise," Anna said softly.  
  
"You're sure?"  
  
"Oh yes I'm sure," Anna said and gave her a weary smile.  
  
"And until then all we can do is to sit back and watch how he destroys his life, or gets himself killed?"  
  
"Well if you can stop him from getting himself killed that would be great, but basically, yes that's all we can do," Anna said tiredly.  
  
"And when he comes back, then what do we do?"  
  
"The same thing we always do. Pick of the pieces and put them together again."  
  
"Well it looks like we have a wonderful time to look forward to," Faith said sarcastically.  
  
"Welcome to the wonderful world of loving Maurice Boscorelli," Anna said dryly.  
  
*********  
  
Three weeks later:  
  
"Bosco can you watch some TV with us, please!" Adam said and looked pleadingly at Bosco. Bosco looked over at Anna to see if she thought she needed any help with the dishes, or if it was OK.  
  
"That's OK, just go ahead. I'll do the dishes," she said tiredly. Bosco however didn't notice how tired she sounded. He just smiled at Adam and headed into the living room.  
  
Anna stood up and started to tap water in the sink. It was with great difficulty she moved between the kitchen table and the sink. She had an incredible pain in her hip. It burned like it was on fire, and every time she moved it felt like someone stabbed her with a knife. She leaned against the sink, closed her eyes and tried to block out the pain. She reached up and wiped away the sweat on her forehead. She felt weak all over, and she knew it was because of the fever she was running. She had an infection in her hip. It wasn't the first time. It happened occasionally because it was worn out. There had been a long time though, since the last time, but now it was worse then ever. When she was married to Thomas she had been in pain, one way or another, almost all the time because all the beating she got. That had made her used to being in pain and she usually handled it well, but this time she really had trouble enduring it.  
  
She turned around and started to do the dishes, but the pain was almost unbearable and she felt involuntary tears forming in her eyes. She took a deep breath as she once again tried to block out the pain. She hadn't told Bosco that she didn't feel well, because he didn't seem to care much about her, or the boys, anymore. It was hard to deal with, and it wasn't just her hip that ached. Her heart did too. She couldn't hold back her tears anymore. He hadn't touched her in almost two weeks. He hadn't even hugged her. Not since the night when he didn't get home until the morning. He had told her that Cruz's sister had died and that he had to be there for her. Anna knew exactly how he had been there for her. She could see the guilt in his eyes the few times he had the guts to look directly at her, and she could count those times on one hand. She hadn't confronted him about it, because she hadn't made up her mind about what to say to him. She hadn't yet decided if she wanted to forgive him this time.  
  
"Adam wants to have a glass of water."  
  
Anna jumped with the sound of Bosco's voice. She had been so deep in thoughts that she hadn't heard him coming. She didn't trust her voice so she just nodded and focused on the plate in her hands, hoping that he wouldn't notice that she was crying. Bosco reached up and took out a glass from the cupboard above her. He glanced down at her face and to his surprise; he saw that she was crying. He put the glass down on the kitchen counter and put his hand on her arm.  
  
"Anna what's wrong? Why are you crying?" he asked worriedly.  
  
He felt his heart pounding hard in his chest. She hadn't found out, had she? No, there was no way. Unless Faith had told her, but considering how happy she'd said she was that she didn't have to be the one to tell Anna, he had nothing to worry about.  
  
Anna took a deep breath and tried to pull herself together. She quickly wiped away her tears and said shakily, although she tried to keep her voice steady:  
  
"My hip hurts, that's all." Bosco felt a mix of relief and fear. Relief because she hadn't found out, and fear because she was in so much pain that she was actually crying.  
  
"Come here and sit down," he said gently, and took her by the arm. He guided her over to the kitchen table and sat her down on one of the chairs. The pain the movement caused Anna made her feel dizzy and sick. She put her head in her hands and tried to fight the urge to throw up.  
  
"Anna?" Bosco said and pulled her hands away from her face. "Anna, are you OK?"  
  
"I'm fine, " she whispered and looked at him. He saw that her eyes were glassy and her cheeks flushed. He gently put his hand on her cheek. She felt hot to his touch, like she was running a fever. He felt dread rise inside. Something was seriously wrong with her. She was sick, really sick.  
  
"Don't lie to me, " he said with a hint of anger in his voice. "You're running a fever and you're in so much pain that you're crying. Something must be seriously wrong with your hip. I'm taking you to Mercy right away!"  
  
"There's no need for that. I've already been to the doctor," she said calmly, finally getting control of her emotions.  
  
"You have? When? " he asked in surprise.  
  
"Two days ago. I have an infection in my hip. That's why I'm in pain and running a fever, but you don't have to worry. They gave me some antibiotics. It's just not kicked in yet. I should be feeling better in a day or two."  
  
Bosco looked at her sternly. "For how long have you been in this much pain?" She didn't answer. "Anna?"  
  
"About a week."  
  
"Why the hell didn't you tell me? Lying about how you feel is my job," he said angrily.  
  
"I honestly didn't think you cared. It's not like you've shown any of us that much interest lately," Anna said coldly, but she could feel a lump in her throat and tears were forming in her eyes again.  
  
Bosco swallowed hard and ran his hands over his head in desperation. So she had noticed. She knew something was wrong. He felt like the jerk he knew he was, and he wanted to shoot himself when he thought about that he once again had caused her pain. So much pain that she didn't even want to tell him that she was sick.  
  
"I'm sorry Anna. I didn't mean to make you feel like you didn't matter. You do, you all do, I swear. It's just that it's been so much at work lately, and I've been so tired." his voice trailed off.  
  
He wanted to say that he loved her, but he couldn't. He did love her, but saying it to her face, knowing what he had done to her, felt like blaspheming. He reached out and gently brushed away some hair from her sweaty forehead. He winched when he felt how warm she was.  
  
" Anna please forgive me I."  
  
She cut him off. " Please Bosco don't. I can't deal with this right now." She closed her eyes. She was in so much pain physically and emotionally that it felt like she couldn't breath. She felt him caress her hair.  
  
"Anna what can I do to help? Please tell me what to do!" he said and Anna could hear the desperation in his voice. She opened her eyes and looked at him. He looked very worried, almost scared.  
  
"Just put the boys to bed for me, and will you please get me my crutches. They are in the hallway by the door. I really need to lie down and I don't think I can make it to the bed without them," she said and tried to smile, but she failed.  
  
"They gave you crutches?" She nodded.  
  
"Then why don't you use them?" he said accusingly.  
  
"Because I can't cook, or do the dishes, or the laundry, or anything if I have to use them, and you haven't been around to help so." The pain got too much for her to handle, and she closed her eyes and bit down her bottom lip so hard it started to bleed. Once again she was unable to hold back her tears and they started to run down her cheeks.  
  
"Oh my God Anna! I'm so sorry. I." Bosco whispered with agony in his voice.  
  
"Bosco please. I told you. Not now, " she said between gritted teeth.  
  
"I'm sorry. Come on let me carry you to bed and get you something for the pain and the fever, OK?" Bosco said softly and gently took her in his arms.  
  
Anna relaxed and rested her head against his shoulder. She knew she should say no. She knew she should jerk away, let him feel she knew. She knew she should be mad at him, maybe even hate him, but she couldn't. She was in too much pain. She needed to feel safe and cared for, and right now that was how she felt when he held her in his arms. Just the way it always had been. Bosco carefully put her down on the bed and gently kissed her forehead.  
  
" Don't worry about a thing OK? I'll take care of the boys and I'll call work and let them know I won't be in tomorrow.  
  
She nodded. She knew she should protest. She should tell him that he didn't have to skip work for her, but she didn't have the strength to do it. She needed him right now, and so did the boys, so she remained silent."  
  
"I'll go and get you some painkillers. I'll be right back."  
  
"OK, but please take the strong ones, will you?"  
  
He nodded and left the room. Anna watched him leave and closed her eyes. She was in a terrible pain, but at least one good thing had come out of this. She knew now what to say to him when she confronted him. She knew what she wanted. Now she just had to get better so she could gather enough strength to do it.  
  
"Night champs," Bosco said and put out the light in Samuel and Adam's room.  
  
"Night Bosco," came the unison reply.  
  
He went out into the hallway and headed towards the bedroom to check on Anna. Luckily Samuel and Adam had gone to bed without asking too many questions. They knew Anna was sick, so they said they understood that she couldn't tuck them in. Bosco's heart broke when he realized that this was nothing new to them. They were used to Anna being in so much pain that she couldn't take proper care of them. The worst part however was when Adam told him that he was happy that he had time to take care of them tonight. He knew he hadn't cared about them as much as he used to lately, and the fact that they had noticed made him feel incredibly guilty.  
  
Bosco quietly entered the bedroom. Anna was asleep and he was grateful for it. She had been in so much pain that it had been hard for him to deal with. Especially the pain in her eyes that told him that he had hurt her with his actions. Hurt her a lot. Maybe even beyond repair. He looked at her. She was so beautiful, so kind and so special. How could he be so stupid? How could he choose Cruz over her? Faith was right. He really needed to get checked out. His brain was sure to be missing.  
  
He bent down and gently put his hand on her forehead. She was still warm, but not as hot as before. He felt relieved, but the fact that she was actually sick scared him. Anna didn't get sick. He couldn't even remember seeing her sick before. For the first time in his life he realized that he could lose her without driving her away or leaving her. She could die from him. That thought scared him almost to death, because he knew he wouldn't survive without her. 


	18. Chapter eighteen

TITLE: One heart beat for every lost day...  
  
AUTHOR: faith_in_Faith  
  
E-MAIL: faith_in_Faith@hotmail.com  
  
DISCLAIMER: Don't owe a thing.  
  
RATING: PG-13  
  
SPOILERS: Up to and including season four.  
  
AUTHORS NOTE: Well I'm REALLY sorry! I know there's a long time since I last updated, but my beta-readers have taken a VERY long vacation and without them I'm lost. : ( Finally a VERY good and faithful friend decided to help us out, so ladies and gentlemen let me introduce: BEE! If you're happy that a new chapter is up, don't thank me, thank Bee :) and of course THANKS for the kind reviews!  
  
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN.  
  
"Are you sure you're gonna be OK here by yourself today? I'll stay at home if you want me to," Bosco offered and looked worriedly at Anna.  
  
She gave him a faint smile. "I'm sure. Try not to worry so much."  
  
He reached out and tried to touch her cheek, but Anna turned away. Bosco's heart ached from her actions. His behavior towards her lately had hurt her so much that she didn't want him to touch her. It was hard for him to deal with. It made him feel even guiltier than he already did. Sometimes he even thought she knew, but that was just not possible. He hesitantly reached out his hand again and said:  
  
"Please let me just make sure you're not running a fever again."  
  
"I'm not. I told you," Anna said impatiently, but she let him touch her cheek.  
  
Bosco felt relieved when it was cool to his touch. She had been very ill the past four days. She had been a really high fever and been in a terrible pain. The antibiotics hadn't done the trick, so he had to take her back to the doctor to get a different sort. Bosco had a permanent knot in his stomach out of worry for her, but now she was finally getting better. She had woken up this morning without a fever, and the pain seemed to be much better too. She was still very pale though and looked thinner. He hadn't managed to make her eat anything the whole time, and that worried him. Not to mention the fact that the sparkle in her eyes was gone, but he was painfully aware of that he was the one who was responsible for that. Not the illness.  
  
He hadn't been at work since the night he found out that she was ill but now, when she was better, he really needed to go. Cruz had already called him twice, pissed as hell, because he stayed at home and "played the loving, caring husband" as she called it. He almost hated her for those words. He didn't want to leave Anna because he was so afraid that she would get worse again, but he really needed to go to work.  
  
"Are you really sure you're gonna be OK here on your own?" he asked again. Anna sighed.  
  
"Stop it Bosco. I'm gonna be fine. Now just go!"  
  
"OK, I'll go and get the boys and drop them off here. Now please promise me that you're gonna use your crutches, and that you'll order some pizza or something for dinner. No cooking! Promise me!" Anna sighed again.  
  
"Stop fussing around Bosco and get out of here! You're gonna be late!"  
  
"Promise me," he said stubbornly.  
  
"I'll promise, if you promise me something too."  
  
"Anything," he said firmly.  
  
"It's your day off tomorrow. Swear you gonna be here. Swear you're not gonna take an extra shift, no matter what the lovely Cruz says."  
  
"I swear," he said firmly.  
  
"Good," Anna said and smiled.  
  
****************  
  
Anna put Samuel and Adam to bed and went into the bathroom. She took her antibiotics and the painkillers, and then she went and lay down on the bed. Her hip had started to hurt pretty bad again, but she didn't run a fever so she knew it was going to be OK. She waited until she was sure about that the boys were asleep, before she picked up the phone and dialed Faith's number.  
  
"Yokas," a male voice said.  
  
"Hi Fred, it's Anna. Is Faith there?"  
  
"Oh hi Anna. How are you today?" Fred asked politely.  
  
"I'm fine, but I really need to talk to Faith."  
  
"OK, she'll be right with you." Anna could hear him put the phone down and only moments later she heard Faith's worried voice.  
  
"Anna is everything alright?"  
  
"No," Anna said simply.  
  
"What's wrong? Is Bosco OK? I haven't seen him around lately."  
  
"He's fine. He's been at home to take care of me. I haven't been feeling very well lately."  
  
"What's wrong?" Faith felt very worried. Something had to be seriously wrong with Anna for Bosco to skip work.  
  
"It's just an infection in my hip. Don't worry about it. I'm feeling much better now. I need to ask you a favor though."  
  
"Anything, just name it," Faith said sincerely. She really wanted to help Anna, because she had been a good and faithful friend through this whole Bosco-Cruz mess.  
  
"Will you please take care of Samuel and Adam for me tomorrow? I need them to stay the night. Bosco and I need to have a conversation that I don't want them to witness."  
  
Faith closed her eyes. OK, so this is it, she thought. Anna had found out. She was sure about that. She took a deep breath and said:  
  
"You know."  
  
"Yes I do, and obviously so do you," Anna said calmly.  
  
"Yeah. I'm so sorry Anna. I know I should have told you, but I really didn't know how," Faith said unhappily.  
  
"It's OK Faith. It really isn't your call."  
  
"So how did you find out? Did he tell you?"  
  
"Hardly Faith, but I'm not blind you know," Anna said dryly.  
  
There was a moment of silence and then Faith said slowly, disbelief in her voice:  
  
"He has done this to you before, hasn't he?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"God! He really is an asshole!" Faith said angrily. Anna remained silent.  
  
"Why Anna? Why do you stay with him?"  
  
"Because I love him. Always have and always will," Anna said simply.  
  
"Why Anna? He treats you like crap."  
  
"No Faith he doesn't. Most of the time he's the best man a girl can have. Besides this has nothing to do with things as logic, or common sense. In that case I'd left him long ago. My brain knows what all of you, even Bosco, keeps telling me is true. I'm better of without him. My heart on the other hand counts every second he's not around. I can't live without him. No matter how sad and pathetic that might sound, that's the truth. I can't change that. What I can change is the rules of the game, and that's what I'm gonna do."  
  
"What rules? What game?" Faith asked bewildered.  
  
"The "I'll take care of you and forgive you no matter what you do" game. The rules are that I love him unconditionally. He does as he please because he has never promised me differently."  
  
"And the new rules?" Faith said, almost holding her breath.  
  
"I love him. I'll do my best to forgive him, again. He stays the hell away from other women and starts to take responsibility for his actions," Anna said coldly, and Faith knew that Bosco should be more than happy that she even gave him another chance. She really hoped he would be able to understand that this was the last one he would ever get.  
  
"OK," Faith said quietly. "Good luck tomorrow, and don't worry about the boys. I'll take care of them for you."  
  
"Thank you very much! You can't imagine what this means to me. I can't ask Steven to take them, because he would rip Bosco's head off if he knew."  
  
"I'm not so sure that would be a loss," Faith said under her breath. She couldn't remember being this angry with Bosco ever before, except for the time when he told her that she was a bad mother. That was more hurt than anger though and she didn't want to think about that now. She would only start to cry, and that was the last thing she needed to do.  
  
"What?" Anna asked.  
  
"Nothing. When do you want me to pick them up?"  
  
"Around ten, when he's out running."  
  
"OK, see you tomorrow."  
  
"Yeah tomorrow," Anna said and hung up the phone. She closed her eyes tightly. She knew that if she would be able to get through with this she had to get some sleep.  
  
**********  
  
Bosco stepped out from the shower, dried himself and put on a pair of blue jeans and a green T-shit. The apartment was unusually silent and he briefly wondered what the boys were doing. He stepped into the living room and found Anna sitting on the couch.  
  
"Hi," he said and smiled kindly at her. "It's very quiet here. Where are the boys?"  
  
"They're not at home. I've sent them away to a friend over night," she said quietly.  
  
Bosco took a closer look at her. She was very pale and looked tired already, although it was only 11:00 am. He immediately got worried.  
  
"Why? You're OK?" he asked and stepped closer to her.  
  
"I'm fine, but we need to talk. Why don't you sit down?" she said gravely.  
  
Bosco swallowed hard. Something was very wrong. That's for sure, and he was scared. She had only been alone for about an hour and she seemed OK when he left. So what had happened?  
  
"Anna?"  
  
"Please Bosco just sit down, will you?"  
  
He sat down on the couch beside her and took her hands between his.  
  
"Anna what's wrong?"  
  
Anna took her hands away, rested them in her lap and said calmly:  
  
"We need to talk about what have happened between us lately."  
  
Bosco swallowed hard again. This was not good. Not good at all. Something told him she knew. The question was; how could she know? Maybe it was just his guilty conscious that played tricks on him. He decided to play it cool for the time being.  
  
"You know I'm sorry that I've ignored both you and the boys lately, but it's just because I've had so much to do at work and."  
  
He looked up and met her eyes. The disappointment and hurt he saw there made him speechless.  
  
"Bos," she said softly. "Don't lie to me. I think I deserve better than that, don't you?"  
  
"Yeah, yeah you do," he said unhappily. "How did you find out? Did Faith tell you?"  
  
"No she didn't. She's a much more faithful friend than you deserve, but I'm not blind Bosco. Did you really think I wouldn't be able to see it? Did you really think that I didn't learn a thing the last time?"  
  
Bosco swallowed hard. He felt sick when he thought about the last time, about the fact that this wasn't the first time he had behaved like an ass. He was a lot younger then though. Only seventeen, but that probably wasn't an excuse. He didn't answer, because there wasn't really anything to say.  
  
"So it's true then. You really betrayed me in every way you could think of, didn't you?"  
  
Bosco closed his eyes tightly, then opened them again as he said:  
  
"Please Anna, it wasn't like that. This wasn't anything I planed to do. It just happened OK?"  
  
"How did it just happen? Did you slip and fall into her? Did you just wake up one day and think: This would be a great day to cheat on Anna? Did she hold a gun to your head and make you do it? Huh? Tell me Bosco. I wanna know!" Anna said angrily.  
  
Bosco ran his hand over his hair desperately. This was worse than he ever thought it would be. He had never thought that Anna would be angry, hurt and devastated yes, but angry no. Anna hardly ever got angry. This time he was in real trouble. He knew it.  
  
"I don't know. I really don't, I'm so sorry," Bosco said regretfully.  
  
"So what did I do wrong? Please Bosco tell me. I have to know, because I don't understand. I do everything for you. I'm always here for you. I always help you in any way I can, with everything. I cover for you when you screw up. I pick up the pieces of you when you can't handle your life. I hold you when you wake up after your nightmares. I try to do damage control when you screw up things with your best friend. I listen when you wanna talk. I love you more than anything, probably more than my own life. Damn it Bosco, I practically breathe only to be with you. So please tell me, what did I do wrong? Tell me what I did to deserve this? TELL ME!" she shouted desperately, and wiped away the tears she hadn't been able to hold back.  
  
Bosco's feeling of guilt increased for every word she uttered, and when she shouted the last part he wanted nothing more than to shoot himself. Oh God what have I done? he thought. What have I done? He knew this was it. He was about to lose her. This was beyond repair. It had to be. There was no way she was going to forgive him this time, not until hell froze over. He felt his chest tighten. How could he be so stupid? He knew he couldn't survive without her, but that probably was what he had to do. He was going to lose the best thing he had ever had, all because he never thought before he acted.  
  
"It's not you Anna. It's me. It's all me. I'm an idiot that never understood what I had. You have never done anything do deserve this, never. Please Anna don't cry," he said softly with a touch of despair in his voice.  
  
"You don't want me to cry, huh? Why, because Bosco's girls don't cry? You sure knew what you did when you invented that phrase, didn't you? Because you're sure as hell give us a lot of reasons to cry, don't you?"  
  
"I'm sorry Anna, I really am. What do you want me to do? Do you want me to leave? Because I will, I'll do anything you ask me to. Anything."  
  
Anna ran her hand over her face tiredly.  
  
"Yes and no. Against better judgment I'm gonna give you one more chance, but like Steven says: I have a bad judgment when it comes to you. The thing is that I love you, really love you. Always have and always will. No matter how hard my brain try to convince me that I'm better of without you, my heart tells me different. I can't live without you. No matter how much I hate myself for being this pathetic, you're the reason for me to breath. When I met you the first time, the day you saved me from the idiots in school. I promised myself that I would always love you and care for you, unconditionally, and that's what I've done all these years, but no more Bosco, no more. This is how it's gonna be. If you love me, if you wanna have one more chance, you have to choose, and this time you choose for good. The new rules are: No more screwing around because you can't help it! No more stupid screw ups, because you had such a lousy childhood! That's no longer an excuse. You have to start dealing with your problems like a grown up, and no more Cruz. If you wanna stay with me you stay the hell away from her. You quit Anticrime and go back on patrol again. I don't wanna hear her name ever again, and you fix things with Faith. Once and for all! She doesn't deserve the way you treat her anymore than I do! You have no idea how much you've hurt her. It's probably even harder for her to take all this shit from you than it is for me, because she isn't used to it, like I am! Do I make myself clear?" Anna said furiously, her whole body shaking in anger.  
  
"Yes," Bosco said quietly and wished that he could die right there and then, because he obviously didn't deserve to live. He knew that now. Nowhere in the whole world you could find a bigger jerk than him. He knew that for sure.  
  
" Anna, please forgive me. I really want that chance. I'll promise you anything you want," he said and tried to touch her cheek  
  
"Don't touch me," she said coldly, " and you're not gonna promise me anything right know. I want you to get out of here and think. I want you to think long and hard about what I've said, because this time Bosco; it's for real. This time you have to keep your promises and I want you to be sure about this. I want you to be sure about that you can keep that promise, because I'm not gonna forgive you one more time. I can't live without you, but if you can't promise me this I have to, because I can't stand this much pain. It's gonna kill me for sure. You have one week. I don't wanna see you around before that." Her voice had become very shaky, and Bosco could tell that she tried hard not to cry.  
  
"I'm so sorry, please believe me," Bosco said with anguish in his voice.  
  
"Aren't you always?" Anna said quietly.  
  
"Anna please," Bosco whispered desperately.  
  
"Bosco please just go," Anna whispered wearily. "Please just go."  
  
Bosco nodded slowly and left. Anna watched him leave with tears in her eyes. When she heard the door close, she picked up the vase with roses that he bought her when she was ill and threw it against the wall. It shattered in a million pieces.  
  
"I hate you Maurice Boscorelli! I hate you," she whispered, buried her face in her hands and started to cry. 


	19. Chapter nineteen

TITLE: One heart beat for every lost day.  
  
AUTHOR: faith_in_Faith  
  
E-MAIL: faith_in_Faith@hotmail.com  
  
DISCLAIMER: I owe nothing, if I did things would be different. : )  
  
RATING: PG-13  
  
SPOILER: Up to and including season four.  
  
AUTHORS NOTE: Good news everyone! My beta readers are back from their vacation : ) so here you have another chapter! Thanks Jenny we are all very happy you're back, right guys? THANKS all of you for the GREAT reviews!! Thanks to all you faithful one's who have following this from the beginning, thanks all of you who took the time to catch up with it, and thanks all of you who promise me to follow me to the bitter end.you make my writing so much fun! : )  
  
CHAPTER NINETEEN.  
  
Bosco knocked on the door to Faith's apartment and put both his hands back in his jeans pockets. It was almost eight o'clock in the evening and he had spent almost the entire day walking around, thinking. He wished he could turn back time and undo the things he'd done wrong, but he knew it was impossible. He didn't know where to go because he had given up his own apartment, so he was basically homeless. He knew Faith wouldn't let him stay either, because like Anna had said, he had blown it with her too. He knew now that what Faith and Anna had tried to tell him, and what Adam had seen all along, was true. Cruz was a bad cop and he needed Faith's help, because he couldn't bring her down himself. That was the reason why he was standing there right now, that and the fact that Anna had told him to fix things with Faith if he wanted to come back. So here he was outside her door, nervous as hell, hoping that she stilled cared enough about him to help him out. The door opened and he stood face to face with Fred.  
  
"What are you doing here?" Fred asked rudely.  
  
"I need to speak to your wife."  
  
"Why? So you can upset her with more of your bullshit?"  
  
Bosco swallowed hard. "Please, I really need to talk to her."  
  
"Wait here," Fred said and went into the apartment again and closed the door.  
  
The door opened again and Faith appeared in the doorway. "What to you want?"  
  
"I need your help."  
  
"Forget it Bosco."  
  
"Please Faith, I need your help with Cruz, she's."  
  
"I said forget it. I don't care what you've gotten yourself in to this time. I'm not gonna help you. We aren't even partners anymore remember? You lied to me. Partners don't lie to each other. "  
  
" Like you did with the abortion, how you miscarried? "  
  
"You know what Bosco? I don't care. You can accuse me of anything you like. I don't care. We aren't partners anymore and you'll have to fix your problems by yourself, or find someone else to do it. I'm done with you and your stupid screw-ups. I can't do this anymore. It's bad enough that I have to try to explain to two kids who see you as their father, why you're working with a bad cop, make their mom sad and don't care about them anymore!"  
  
"You have the boys?" he asked quietly.  
  
"Yes, I owe Anna everything so I wanted to help her out. I'll take them home tomorrow. Did you two talk?"  
  
"Yeah, she threw me out," Bosco said almost inaudibly.  
  
"Good! Now get out of here. I can't help you. I'm moving on. I have to start thinking of my own family," Faith said coldly.  
  
"Faith please." Bosco pleaded, but she just closed the door in his face.  
  
**************  
  
The next day, 11.04 am:  
  
Anna sat on the couch with her eyes closed. She didn't feel well, not well at all. Her hip was aching and she felt dizzy and weak. She knew she was running a fever again and that it was probably very high, considering the fact that she felt dizzy although she was sitting down. There was a knock on the door and she stood up to answer it. The dizziness immediately overwhelmed her and she dropped back down on the couch again. She put her head between her knees and took deep breaths, willing herself not to pass out. The knock came again and she knew it was Faith and the boys. The question was how she would be able to answer the door, yet alone take care of the boys, when she couldn't even stand without passing out.  
  
Faith frowned and knocked a third time. The fact that Anna didn't answer the door made her feel very worried. Anna had told her on the phone the other day that she hadn't been feeling well lately, and she had looked very pale and tired when Faith picked up the boys yesterday. She also knew that Anna obviously had been so ill, that Bosco had stayed at home to take care of her. All those things together made Faith fear that something had happened to her.  
  
"Anna!" she called out with worry in her voice.  
  
Anna stood up again, slowly and tried hard to fight the dizziness. She managed to make it to the door without passing out, by using the walls for support. She opened the door and leaned heavily against the doorframe. Her vision was blurry and she could hardly see Faith's face. Faith looked at Anna and her worry increased ten times. Anna's cheeks where flushed, her eyes feverish and her forehead was covered with sweat, causing her hair to get damp and curly. She looked like she could pass out in that very moment.  
  
"Anna, are you OK?" she asked worriedly.  
  
Anna didn't answer. Instead her eyes rolled back in her head and she passed out. Faith barely managed to catch her in time.  
  
"Shit!" she said.  
  
"MOM!" Samuel and Adam screamed in horror.  
  
Faith carefully eased her down on the floor and put her hand on her forehead.  
  
"Oh Anna, you're burning up," she murmured.  
  
"Faith what's wrong with her? Why did she fall?" Samuel asked anxiously.  
  
"She's very sick honey, but don't you worry. I'll call for the paramedics. They'll take her to the hospital so the doctors can help her, OK?" Faith said, took out her cell phone and called 911.  
  
***********  
  
Faith sat in the waiting room at Angel of Mercy with Samuel and Adam on her lap, and waited for the doctor to come out and tell her what was wrong with Anna. The paramedics had told her that she had woken up in the ambulance and asked for the boys. Faith found that encouraging. Suddenly Dr Thomas stood in the room and looked around.  
  
"Are you a relative to Anna Lewis?" Faith let the boys down on the floor and stood up.  
  
"I'm the one who brought her in. I've called her brother. He'll be here in an hour or so. How's she doing?"  
  
"She's doing pretty well for now. She's conscious and orientated, and has been able to tell us for how long she's been ill and so on, but we are very worried about her condition. She's dehydrated and the infection in her hip is very serious. She should have come here much earlier. The fact that the fever is so high, and even made her lose consciousness, indicates that the infection is working its way into her system and that's very serious too. We're giving her antibiotics and fluid directly in her blood, but if the antibiotics aren't working we might have to operate in order to try to drain the infection."  
  
Faith took a deep breath and asked:  
  
"How serious? Will she ." she glanced at the boy's and then looked at the doctor again. "You know."  
  
Dr Tomas looked gravely at her. " If we can't get control of the infection, I'm afraid that's an option, yeah."  
  
Faith bit her bottom lip. Shit, she thought. Now what was she going to do, with the boys, and Bosco, and everything?  
  
"Can I see her?"  
  
"Sure. We'll move her upstairs in half an hour or so."  
  
Faith took the boys' hands and walked over to the nurses' desk where Nurse Proctor was standing and said:  
  
"Proctor, can you look after Samuel and Adam for a moment? I need to talk to their mother." Proctor nodded.  
  
"But Faith we wanna come too," Adam whined.  
  
Faith crouched down beside him and said: "I know honey and you will. Let me just talk to her first OK?"  
  
"I want Bosco to be here," Samuel said quietly.  
  
Faith cursed under her breath. She wanted to strangle Bosco right there and then. How come I always have to deal with his mess? she thought angrily.  
  
"I know, I know," she said and hugged him. "Let me talk to you mom and then maybe we can call him, OK?"  
  
"OK."  
  
"Good, now be nice to nurse Proctor and I'll be right back," she said and forced a smile at them. They both nodded.  
  
Faith entered Anna's room. Anna was awake and smiled a tiny smile at her. She looked very small and fragile, laying there in the bed with an intravenous drip attached to her. She looked like she was made of glass and could shatter into pieces any moment. The look in her eyes was sad and devastated. Faith couldn't help but thinking about the day at the hospital when she watched Bosco and Anna through the ICU window. Their love had amazed her. She remembered thinking that Anna had the power to destroy Bosco completely because of that love. She hadn't even for a moment thought that it would be the other way around.  
  
"Hi, how are you feeling?" Faith asked and gave her an equally tiny smile.  
  
"Better, they gave me some good drugs for the fever and the pain. So I'm pretty comfortable right now."  
  
Faith nodded. "That's good."  
  
"Look Faith I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cause you any trouble," Anna said apologetically.  
  
"It's OK. Don't think about it. I'm just glad I was there to help. It was a good thing you weren't alone with the boys when it happened."  
  
"I guess you're right. Have you tried to call someone?" she asked anxiously.  
  
"I called Steven. He'll be here in an hour to see you and take care of the boys."  
  
"Did he ask for Bosco?"  
  
"Yeah he did."  
  
"What did you tell him? "  
  
"I told him that he wasn't around because he was trying to sort out some of his problems," Faith said. She wondered why the hell she covered for an asshole who thought she was a bad mother, cheated on his girlfriend and rather had Cruz for a partner than her.  
  
"Did he buy it?"  
  
"I think so."  
  
"Good and thanks," Anna said and looked relieved. Faith nodded.  
  
"No problem. Do you want me to call Bosco?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Anna, please I think he has the right to know. You're seriously ill. Dr Thomas said you could." her voice trailed off when she realized that that probably wasn't something that Anna should know.  
  
"Die?" Anna asked with a smile. "Don't worry I know that. I'm a nurse remember? If I get that much worse you can call him, but until then just leave it be, please," she said pleadingly.  
  
"OK," Faith said quietly. Suddenly they heard Steven's worried voice from the hallway.  
  
"I'd better be going. See you soon, and please Anna get better soon OK?"  
  
"I'll try," she said and smiled sadly.  
  
**************  
  
Four days later:  
  
Steven gently wiped away the sweat on Anna's forehead with a cold washcloth. She didn't respond at all. She had drifted in and out of unconsciousness the past two days, and now it seemed like she got worse for every hour. Steven was desperate. He didn't know what to do. She didn't seem to have any fighting spirit left at all. Nothing he said or did seem to make any difference, and he knew all to well what she needed: Bosco. He, of course, wasn't around. That idiot never was when she needed him the most. All the years Steven had spent dealing with the relationship between Anna and Bosco told him that Bosco had screwed up again, probably big time. He knew it because Anna didn't want him to try to find Bosco for her. All she'd ever asked for almost her whole life was Bosco. Now she didn't even want to talk about him. Suddenly Dr Mallow stood in the doorway, looking gravely at him.  
  
"Mr. Brown we need to talk."  
  
"OK," he said trying to keep his fear out of his voice.  
  
"Let's take it outside." Steven felt his heart skip a beat. He kissed Anna's forehead and whispered, " I'll be right back," before he followed the doctor out into the hallway. He leaned against the wall and looked questioningly at the doctor.  
  
" Mr. Brown I'm very concerned about your sister. The antibiotics don't help and she is in a very critical condition right now. The infection has worked its way into her system and she's suffering from a sepsis or what we also call blood poisoning. I can't promise you she will make it through this."  
  
Steven felt like someone had stabbed him with a knife. He couldn't breathe. This couldn't be true. She couldn't die. The boys needed her. He needed her, and he knew another idiot who didn't deserve her, but never the less, needed her too.  
  
"But.but you told me when you operated on her two days ago that draining the infection would help," he stammered.  
  
"I'm sorry Mr. Brown, I really am. That was what we thought, but I think it was too late. The infection was already too serious. All we can do now is to once again try a different sort of antibiotics and hope it will help, and pray that she's strong enough to fight this on her own."  
  
Steven closed his eyes tightly and started to pray to God harder than ever before. He felt the doctor's hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry Mr. Brown, I really am." Steven nodded somberly. He knew what he had to do. He had to find Bosco before it was too late.  
  
***************  
  
Later that day:  
  
"Faith please!" Bosco pleaded, and the despair was evident both in his eyes and in his voice. They were standing outside the precinct and he was once again pleading with her to help him to bring Cruz down.  
  
"No," Faith said coldly. "I told you she was no good. I told you she was trouble. You wouldn't listen. Instead you accused me of all sorts of things, like being jealous and things I don't even want to repeat. You made your bed, now sleep in it!!"  
  
"Please Faith you have to help me just one more time. It will be the last one. I promise you. If you help me, I'll do anything you want. I'll leave. I'll transfer to another precinct if you want me to, just help me one more time."  
  
"Why me, Bosco? Why is it always me?"  
  
"Because you're the only one, Faith. I don't have anyone else."  
  
Faith ran her hand through her hair in frustration and said sadly:  
  
"No Bosco, not this time," and turned and left.  
  
When she walked back into the precinct she heard the conversation between her and Anna in her head:  
  
"She's destroying it, you know, our friendship."  
  
"Don't let her. He'll be back. I promise."  
  
And then "If you could stop him from getting himself killed that would be great."  
  
She sighed. She knew she had to help him, because he was back with her and Anna needed him alive, not dead. Faith knew that. She had seen the lost and lonely look in Anna's eyes. She had seen her lack of fighting spirit. Anna was lost without Bosco, and Faith knew that no matter how much she hated it, so was she. 


	20. Chapter twenty

TITLE: One heart beat for every lost day.  
  
AUTHOR: faith_in_Faith  
  
E-MAIL: fatih_in_Faith@hotmail.com  
  
DISCLAIMER: Don't owe, just borrow and play.  
  
RATING: PG-13  
  
SPOILERS: Up to and including season four, and we have actually reach season five, because this is my take on the season final. : )  
  
AUTHORS NOTE: Thanks to Jenny, my faithful beat-reader and BIG thanks to my reviewers. I hope you still enjoy. : )  
  
CHAPTER TWENTY.  
  
Bosco looked down at Cruz, who was lying on the floor. She was bleeding from a shot wound in her right shoulder. Her gun lay beside her. He picked it up and kneeled down. He checked for a pulse and found one. It was strong, and she was breathing on her own too. He looked at her face and felt nothing. Whatever it was that had made him feel drawn to her was gone. He lifted his gaze and looked around. Nobel was nowhere in sight. Faith was standing a few feet away from him with the gun still in her hands, looking at him with wide eyes. Blood was trickling down the left side of her face.  
  
"Oh my God Faith!" he said with fear in his voice as he rushed to her side.  
  
"It's Ok Bos, it just touched me. It's nothing serious," she said and dropped the gun as she put her hand against her temple. The blood immediately started to sip through her fingers.  
  
"You're sure?" he asked anxiously.  
  
"Yeah I'm sure. Just give me a towel or something, will you?" she said and tried to keep her voice steady.  
  
"Sure," he turned and walked towards the bathroom.  
  
"Bosco." He turned and looked at her.  
  
"I'm sorry. Is she.?" she asked hesitantly.  
  
"No," he said grimly and went to the bathroom to get a towel.  
  
"POLICE OPEN UP!" a voice shouted from the hallway.  
  
Faith went and opened the door and suddenly the room was crawling with cops. Soon the paramedics arrived too. It was no one they knew.  
  
"Let me take a look at that officer," one of them said. The other one rushed to Cruz's side.  
  
"It's nothing serious. It's just a scratch. I'll be alright."  
  
"Patrick, I need you over here!" the other paramedic shouted.  
  
"Make sure you get that checked out over at the hospital," the paramedic said before he rushed over to his partner.  
  
"Yeah," she said absently.  
  
She turned to look at Bosco, who had been standing at her side the whole time.  
  
"Come on, I'll take you," he said softly. He looked at her and his eyes were filled with a mix of relief and despair. Suddenly Swerski appeared in the doorway.  
  
"Yokas. You're hurt?" he asked with concern.  
  
"It's nothing sir. The bullet just touched me," Faith said softly.  
  
"OK, go to the hospital and get that checked out. Boscorelli, I guess you want to go with her?"  
  
"Yes sir. I would like that sir, " Bosco said quietly.  
  
"Then go! But I want you two down at the station house as soon as possible. This demands an explanation, and for your own good I sure hope you have a good one," he said sternly.  
  
"Yes sir," they said in unison.  
  
*********************  
  
Bosco sat in the waiting room of Angel of Mercy and thought about how lucky he was, lucky to have a friend like Faith. Lucky that he didn't get her killed in that damn hotel room. He had never, not even in his wildest dreams, thought that Cruz would try to shoot Faith, but she did. He ran his hands over his head in frustration. He really had screwed up big time again, but he couldn't care less about what would happen to him. All he cared about was for Faith to be OK.  
  
In the exam room Faith sat, somewhat dazed, and looked down at the floor. She felt relieved, almost happy. They were alive, all three of them. Cruz would go down with this. She was pretty sure about that. She just hoped Bosco wouldn't go down with her, but she would do anything she could to keep him out of trouble, as always. She smiled tiredly, and then sighed lightly. She didn't look forward to the talk with Swerski, that's for sure. Nurse Proctor entered the room and said:  
  
"Dr Thomas said you didn't need stitches so I'll just put some bandage on."  
  
"OK," Faith said quietly. Proctor started to clean the wound and said hesitantly:  
  
"It's probably none of my business, but Anna, the nurse you brought in here a week ago. Isn't she Bosco's girlfriend?"  
  
"Yeah she is. Why do you ask?"  
  
"Well I've heard that she's a lot worse. That she's probably dying. Her brother is looking all over for Bosco."  
  
Faith's eyes widened and she looked at Proctor in horror. This couldn't be true. Anna couldn't die. Bosco would never be able to deal with that.  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
Proctor nodded. "Do you want me to tell Bosco?"  
  
"No I think I'd better do it."  
  
Proctor nodded again and took her hands away from Faith's temple, as she said: "I'm done."  
  
Faith slid down from the exam table, swallowed hard, and went into the waiting room to face Bosco. He sat with his arms resting on his knees, looking down at the floor.  
  
"Bos," Faith said softly.  
  
He immediately jerked his head up and looked at her. He saw the worry and uneasiness in her eyes and got scared.  
  
"What is it Faith? What's wrong?" Faith took a deep breath and said:  
  
"It's Anna."  
  
"Anna?" he asked in surprise. "What about her?"  
  
"She's sick," Faith said quietly.  
  
"Sick, what do you mean with sick? What's wrong with her?" Bosco asked, clearly upset.  
  
"It's her hip Bos. She has been sick since you left. When I came to your apartment the other day to drop the boys off she fainted, and she was running a very high fever. I had to take her to the hospital. She's been here ever since."  
  
"Why the hell didn't you tell me earlier?" he asked angrily.  
  
"She didn't want me to. Not if she didn't get so bad she could die," Faith swallowed hard," and now Proctor told me that Steven is looking all over for you, because she's in such a bad shape they think she might not make it." Bosco's face drained of all color and he looked at her with fear and despair in his eyes.  
  
"No Faith, no. Please tell me this is a cruel joke or something, please!" he pleaded with her.  
  
"I'm so sorry Bos, but it's true," Faith said quietly.  
  
Bosco felt like crying. This couldn't be true, but he knew it was. It all made perfect sense. He needed to get punished for all the stupid things he had said and done, and God had never liked him. What would be a better punishment than to take Anna away from him? Yeah, it all made perfect sense.  
  
"Where is she? I have to see her!"  
  
"She's in the ICU," Proctor said quietly from behind.  
  
Bosco immediately ran to the stairs, Faith following close behind. He reached the third floor and stormed through the ICU doors, looking around frantically. He ran to the nurses' desk and said rudely:  
  
" Where's Anna Lewis? I have to see her. I'm her boyfriend!"  
  
The nurse at the desk looked up and smiled kindly at him as she said: "Just wait here a minute."  
  
She was probably used to hysterical relatives, Faith thought as Bosco started to pace the floor. A few moments later Steven walked up to them.  
  
"Steven what the hell has happened? How is she? She isn't dying, is she?"  
  
Steven looked coldly at him. "Where have you been?"  
  
Bosco swallowed hard. "I didn't know she was sick. I swear. She didn't want me to be around. I kind of screw up."  
  
"Cut it out Bosco. I really don't wanna know what you did to her this time, because then I might lose my temper with you and do something I'll probably regret later. Anna doesn't need that right now. Right now she needs you to be there for her. She doesn't fight at all because you aren't around. So you'll better make her fight, because I swear to God that if she dies; I'm gonna hold you responsible for it," Steven said, his voice deadly calm.  
  
Bosco nodded and asked quietly: "How bad off is she?"  
  
Steven looked at him and his eyes softened a bit.  
  
"She's very bad Bosco. She has a very serious infection in her hip. They have tried everything. They even operated in order to drain it, but nothing seems to help. Now the infection has worked its way into her system and she's suffering from blood poisoning. She isn't fighting at all, and they don't think she's gonna make it."  
  
Bosco closed his eyes. So it was true. He was going to lose her. He was going to pay for his mistakes, and he was going to pay dearly.  
  
"Can I see her?"  
  
"Of course you can, and you're gonna make her fight again. Do you hear me?" Steven said desperately.  
  
Bosco nodded again. "I'll try."  
  
He turned to look at Faith, who had been standing behind him all the time. There was one more thing he needed to do. One more thing he needed to know before he went in.  
  
"Faith I'm sorry, for everything. I know I've been a jerk and an idiot. I know I've hurt you, badly. I can't express how much I appreciate that you were there for me one more time. You saved my life. Thank you. My offer still stands; if you want me to leave, I will."  
  
"No I don't want you to leave. I know I've hurt you too, and for that I'm truly sorry," Faith said softly.  
  
"So we're OK then?"  
  
"No, but we will be. Don't worry about it right now. Go and help Anna to get better and we sort it out later, OK?"  
  
"OK. Thank you Faith."  
  
"You're welcome. Don't worry about a thing. Just go and stay with Anna. I'll talk to Swerski for you." He nodded his thanks and headed down the hallway towards Anna's room.  
  
Bosco's chest tightened and he could hardly breathe when he saw Anna in the hospital bed. There was some kind of tubes sticking out of her hip, and she had an intravenous drip in her arm. Her beautiful face was covered with an oxygen mask, and she was so pale and thin. She was practically wasting away in front of his eyes. He bent down and kissed her forehead. She felt hot to his lips. He sat down beside her and took her hand between his. He rubbed his thumb over her knuckles for a little while and then he put his hand on her cheek.  
  
"Anna," he said softly. "Anna, please wake up. You know I can't live without you. Please don't die. I know I've been a jerk lately and you can kick my ass all you want, but you can't die OK? You have to think about the boys. I can't take care of them on my own. You know that, right?"  
  
He didn't get any response what so ever. He removed the oxygen mask and gently kissed her lips. She still didn't respond.  
  
"Please Anna open your eyes for me," he whispered desperately, but it was all in vain.  
  
Anna felt like she was floating around in warm water with cotton in her ears. She could hear Bosco's voice as a soft muffled whisper. She could tell that he was scared for some reason. She tried to answer him. She wanted to reassure him that everything was fine, that he didn't have to be afraid, but she couldn't make it to the surface.  
  
Bosco felt involuntary tears forming in his eyes and he quickly wiped them away before they could escape down his cheeks. He took Anna's hand again and caressed her hair and face as he continued to talk to her. He told her how much he loved her and how much he needed her, and a lot of other things he should have told her long ago. Anna let herself slip back into the warm darkness again, feeling safe and happy by the sound of Bosco's voice.  
  
***************  
  
The next day:  
  
I was almost ten o'clock when Faith arrived to the ICU. Bosco was still sitting next to Anna's bed, holding her hand, but he had stopped talking long ago. Steven had gone home to see the boys and try to get some sleep. Faith quietly entered Anna's room.  
  
"Bos."  
  
He turned his head and looked at her and she could see that he had been crying, a lot. He really looked terrible. If she hadn't known better she'd thought he was sick too.  
  
"How's she doing?"  
  
He shrugged lightly. "I don't know. Like before I'll guess," he said hoarsely.  
  
"I'm sorry Bos," Faith said softly.  
  
"You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm the one to blame. It's my fault she's lying here, dying."  
  
"No Bos, this isn't your fault. You didn't make her sick."  
  
"Maybe not, but if I hadn't been an ass to her, then maybe she'd told me earlier that she didn't feel well. Not to mention the fact that if I hadn't hurt her so much that she couldn't stand to have me around, then I'd been there to notice that she got worse again. Steven says that she doesn't fight because of me. He says that if she dies, he's gonna hold me responsible for it, " he said and Faith could hear that he tried hard not to cry.  
  
"Bos."she said softly, feeling a lump in her own throat, "he doesn't mean it. He's just upset."  
  
"Maybe, but he's right, you know. If she dies it's all my fault."  
  
"Then give her a reason to live. Make her feel that you're here for her."  
  
"I've tried but she doesn't respond," he said desperately.  
  
"Keep trying. That's all you can do, OK?"  
  
He nodded and then he remembered everything that had happened yesterday and he looked at her worriedly.  
  
"What did Swerski have to say?"  
  
"A lot of things. He wasn't exactly happy about what happened, or about the fact that you weren't there, but he wanted me to tell you that he understands. He's sending internal affairs to question you over here instead."  
  
"OK," Bosco said and looked at her with a guilty look on his face.  
  
"Are you in trouble because of me?"  
  
She smiled faintly. "Not this time."  
  
He looked relieved. "Good!"  
  
"They're waiting for you Bos," Faith said and motioned with her head towards the hallway. He looked at Anna and then at Faith.  
  
"Don't worry. I'll stay with her."  
  
"Thanks," he said and gave her a grateful smile.  
  
Faith sat down next to Anna and picked up her hand.  
  
"Anna, it's Faith, and I want you to listen to me OK? You can't die. Bosco needs you and he has learned his lesson, I promise you. Cruz is out of the picture and he's back, just as you told me he would be. I think everything is gonna work out just fine, but only if you stay alive OK? You can't leave me alone with him. I can't handle him on my own, especially not if you die, and you know that. I'm not as good at puzzles as you are. There's no way I would be able to put together all the pieces he would shatter into if you die. Please Anna, hang in there. We all need you," Faith said softly and fought back her tears. She had just got one of her best friends back and she couldn't bear to lose the other one. About an hour later Bosco entered the room and Faith stood up.  
  
"I'm sorry Bos, but I've gotta go. Please call me if there's any change."  
  
He nodded tiredly. "I will. Thanks Faith, for everything."  
  
She reached out and gently squeezed his shoulder. "You're welcome. Take care of Anna. Make her come back to us, OK?"  
  
"I'll try," he said sadly.  
  
Bosco sat down on the chair beside Anna's bed again. He took her hand in one of his and put the other one on her cheek.  
  
"Anna please open your eyes," Bosco pleaded once more. "Please I need you to wake up for me. I need you to be OK." Still nothing. He gently kissed her forehead and said desperately:  
  
"Please open your eyes Anna. I love you. Please angel eye, let me see your beautiful eyes again."  
  
Ever since Anna had heard Faith voice, she had tried hard to fight the fogginess in her brain. She knew Faith had said something important. Something she should respond to. When she heard her love name, the name she hadn't heard in years, the name that only Bosco called her, she finally made it to the surface. Bosco saw her eyes flutter open, and his heart started to beat faster. She was awake!  
  
"Anna!" he said urgently and squeezed her hand.  
  
"Bos?" Anna asked somewhat confused.  
  
"Yes, angel eye it's me," Bosco said shakily and tried to smile at her. He couldn't believe it was true. That she really was awake.  
  
Anna tried hard to get rid of the dizziness and the unreal feeling. She tried to sort things out. She tried to understand what was going on. Why Bosco looked so scared. As so many times before it was the pain that reminded her. She felt the pain in her hip and suddenly she remembered everything. The fight with Bosco, feeling very dizzy and sick, Faith taking her to the hospital, and some other, less important, stuff. She also remembered how she made Faith promise not to tell Bosco she was ill, unless she was dying. Now Bosco was sitting by her side, looking scared. That could only mean two things, either a week had past, or she was dying.  
  
"So has it been a week already?" she asked and smiled weakly at him.  
  
Bosco swallowed. She remembered. He didn't know if that was a good or a bad thing, probably a bit of both. Good for her because that meant that she really was awake and sane, bad for him because that meant that he still was in trouble.  
  
He cleared his throat. "No actually it's only been six days."  
  
"So then I'm dying," she said and looked calmly at him.  
  
Bosco closed his eyes tightly, feeling fresh tears forming there. He didn't want her to know that, and he sure as hell didn't want her to say it like it didn't matter. He wanted her to fight to be with him. He didn't know what to say, but he knew better than to lie to her.  
  
"You're very sick Anna and they say you might not make it, but you have to. I love you. I can't live without you, and you promised me a second chance. You always keep your promises remember? I'm the one who make promises I can't keep."  
  
" So are you gonna keep them this time?"  
  
"Yeah I am, I swear! I've got rid of Cruz and I've fixed things with Faith, just like you wanted me to. I'm not gonna let you down this time, I promise," he said sincerely.  
  
"I've heard it all before," she said calmly. Bosco felt the tears starting to run down his cheeks but he did nothing to stop them from falling.  
  
"I know, but like you said: This time it's for real. Please Anna forgive me," he whispered desperately. Anna smiled weakly and reached out and wiped away his tears.  
  
"I'll forgive you, but you can't cry. Anna's boys don't do that," she said and started to close her eyes.  
  
"Anna, stay with me! You can't die! Do you here me?" Bosco said desperately.  
  
Anna opened her eyes again and smiled brightly at him. " I won't die. You're here aren't you? I breathe only to be with you, remember?" she said, closed her eyes and drifted back into unconsciousness.  
  
"You keep doing that angel eye, you keep doing that," Bosco murmured as he caressed her hair. He knew that if she stopped breathing, so would he. Living without her was no longer an option. 


	21. Chapter twentyone

TITLE: One heart beat for every lost day.  
  
AUTHOR: faith_in_Faith  
  
E-MAIL: faith_in_Faith@hotmail.com  
  
DISCLAIMER: Don't owe a thing, never has and never will.  
  
SPOILERS: This taking place after season four.  
  
AUTHORS NOTE: I'm VERY sorry it took so long for me to update this, but my computer broke down and it took THREE WEEKS to fix it. Well if anybody still reading, it's time for some Bosco angst.PLEASE R&R! and finally (as usual) thanks to Jenny and Carina for correcting this for me.  
  
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE.  
  
About three years later:  
  
"Hurry up boys! I'm gonna be late for work," Bosco said and looked at Samuel and Adam, who were playing with a ball behind him.  
  
"OK Bosco," they said in unison as they ran up to him and started to walk beside him.  
  
When they reached the apartment building the boys ran up the stairs ahead of him, trying to catch each other. Bosco smiled at them and unlocked the door to let them in. He went into the kitchen and expected to see Anna there, but the room was empty. He felt his stomach drop as always when the apartment was empty. He hated it, because it reminded him about the horrible time when she was at the hospital. When she was dying. She didn't die though. She pulled through, against all odds, but the recovery took forever. Her hip was totally destroyed by the infection, so when she was finally on the safe side, they had to replace it with a new one. She had been in the hospital for almost two months. Maybe God did like him a bit after all, or maybe it was the boys he cared for. Bosco didn't know for sure, and he didn't really care as long as she was there with him. The important thing was that he had got another chance, and he was never going to forget it. He threw his keys on the kitchen counter and called out her name.  
  
"Anna!"  
  
She came out from the bedroom, braiding her hair. She smiled at him and said:  
  
"You're late. You'd better hurry up or we're both gonna be late for work."  
  
He smiled lovingly at her and said: "Sorry, the boys and I had so much fun in the park that we forgot about the time."  
  
"You're impossible," she said, but her voice was warm and filled with love. He embraced her and tried to kiss her. She pushed him away.  
  
"Get out of here and get ready for work before you get us both fired for being constantly late!"  
  
He grinned mischievously at her but went into the bedroom. Anna smiled happily to herself. Ever since she had recovered from her illness, life had been so good to her. Bosco had kept every promise he made three years ago. He had really changed. He didn't get into any trouble at all anymore, except for some minor screw-ups at work. That couldn't be helped though; because Bosco was Bosco and no one wanted him to change so much he wasn't himself anymore. Besides work, she and the boys were his whole world and she loved it. He was still a patrol officer and still riding with Faith, and right now none of them needed or longed for anything else. In other words: Life was as near perfect as it could be, and Anna thanked God for it everyday. There was a knock on the door and she went and opened it.  
  
"Hi," Emily said and smiled at Anna." I'm sorry I'm late." Anna smiled back.  
  
"You're not late. Actually you're exactly on time." Emily looked around.  
  
"So where's Bosco? I thought you two had to go now." Anna smiled again.  
  
"We have to, but you know how he is.." Emily smiled back.  
  
"Some things never change huh?"  
  
"I guess not."  
  
"So where are the boys?"  
  
"In their room, playing with their play station. Dinner is ready, just heat it in the oven, OK?"  
  
Emily nodded and looked fondly at Anna. She really liked her. Anna had brought some kind of peace to her family. Her loving and living with Bosco had finally made her dad stop being jealous of him, and less ready to get on her mothers case about work. That made her mother calmer, and all these things together had brought a peace in her home that she couldn't remember ever having before, and for that she loved Anna.  
  
"It's really nice of you to help us out. We didn't know what to do when Eve got sick," Anna said and smiled gratefully at Emily.  
  
Emily shrugged. "It's no big deal. I need the money anyway." The truth was that she was happy to do it, because she loved Samuel and Adam.  
  
******************  
  
"So why were you late today? Didn't Emily show up on time?" Faith asked worriedly and glanced over at Bosco. He turned around a corner and said:  
  
"Nope, it was me. I was in the park with Samuel and Adam and I kind of forgot the time."  
  
"Bosco you can't be serious!" Faith said in disbelief. "Did Anna get late too?"  
  
"No I dropped her off first. That's why I was late. It was a close call though," he said and grinned at her.  
  
Faith rolled her eyes and said: "You know what Bos? I really feel sorry for Anna. I can't imagine how awful it would be to have to live with you all the time. I thank the good Lord everyday that I'm not in her shoes!"  
  
"You're just jealous Yokas, because you didn't catch me first. Besides, if I'm that hard to be around, she's the lucky one. I spend more time with you than I do with her," he said and grinned at her again.  
  
Faith smiled fondly at him and said: "I knew there was a catch."  
  
She was so happy about the way things had worked out. After they had brought Cruz down and Anna had managed to survive her illness, things had been great between them. They still had their fights, and he could still be the biggest jerk and the most annoying man she had ever met, but there was never anything serious. He was calmer and showed more responsibility too. Anna had finally saved him from himself, and Faith was very happy for it.  
  
"55-David respond to a burglary in progress in the jewellery store in the corner of fifth and Arthur." The dispatcher's voice shook Faith out of her thoughts.  
  
"10-4," Faith said into her radio, and Bosco put on the light and sirens and took off.  
  
When they arrived at the scene they went out of the car and took out their guns. They slowly made their way through the door. The storeowner lay on the floor in a pool of blood. He was shot in the head, and it wasn't hard to tell there was nothing they could do to for him. Bosco cursed under his breath and Faith swallowed hard as they proceeded their slow pace through the store towards the back door. They went out into the alley and looked around. Bosco saw the gun that pointed at Faith just seconds before it was fired. He quickly took a step to the right, placing himself in front of her, fired his own gun and yelled:  
  
"GET DOWN FAITH, GET DOWN!"  
  
Faith immediately dropped to her stomach behind him. She watched his body twitch twice as the bullets hit him in the chest. He got down on his knees and fell forward to the ground. Faith quickly fired her gun in the direction of the shot sounds and said in her radio:  
  
"55-David to central 10-13, 10-13, shots fired. I request back-up and the EMS to this location. I have an officer down! I repeat; I have an officer down!"  
  
A new volley of shots was fired and Faith threw herself over Bosco and returned the gunfire. She felt a slight pain in her right shoulder and heard the sound of running footsteps fading away. She said a silent prayer that the robbers were gone for now, and carefully turned Bosco over to his back.  
  
"Bosco." He didn't respond to her, and his eyes were closed and his face pale.  
  
"Damn it Bosco! Do you have to take everything I say so literally? When I told you yesterday that you were gonna get yourself shot one sunny day I didn't mean you had to do it," she said shakily and ripped his shirt open.  
  
There were two bullet holes in his Kevlar vest and for a moment she felt a tiny hope inside. Maybe the vest had stopped the bullets. It felt like déjà vu when she put her hand under the vest to check for blood. Just like the last time, more than four years ago, she held her breath and looked at her hand. This time they weren't that lucky though. Her hand was covered with warm, red blood, Bosco's blood. The bullets had gone through his vest and he was bleeding heavily. Faith quickly strapped the vest off him, and put her hands on the wounds in his chest and stomach in an attempt to stop him from bleeding to death before the EMS arrived.  
  
"It's so like you Bos. You can't do anything the easy way, can you? When you decided to get shot it had to be with cop killer bullets hadn't it?" she said shakily, tears stinging her eyes.  
  
There was so much blood and it was trickling through her fingers. She swallowed hard and suppressed the sob that was threatening to slip through her lips as she put some more weight on him. Bosco moaned, but he didn't open his eyes. Suddenly she heard the comforting sound of sirens approaching and soon enough Doc and Carlos were by her side, as well as Sully and Davis  
  
"Faith, what happened? Are you hurt?" Doc asked and kneeled down beside them.  
  
She shook her head. "No, but Bosco is. He got shot. The bullets went through his vest. Please help him! " she said and looked desperately at Doc. He nodded and said:  
  
"I will Faith. I will, but you have to move OK?"  
  
"I can't. If I take my hands off him he dies."  
  
"I'll take care of him for you. I'll put pressure on his wounds, I promise. Now please let me check on him," Doc said soothingly.  
  
Faith felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up in Davis eyes. They were filled with concern and compassion. "Come on Faith, they'll take good care of him, but you can't be here right now. You'll only get in their way."  
  
Faith knew he was right and she reluctantly took her hands away and stood up. Davis took her gently by her arm and they walked away a few steps. He looked at her and said worriedly:  
  
"Faith you're bleeding!"  
  
"No, it's Bos' blood," she said absently.  
  
"No Faith. You're bleeding from your shoulder. Please let me have a look."  
  
Faith held out her right arm and did her best not to look at her hands. The look of Bosco's blood on them made her sick. Davis saw that the material in her shirt was ripped and understood that she had been hit too. He called out to Kim, who was checking on one of the robbers who also had been shot.  
  
"Kim! Over here! Faith has been shot too!" Kim jogged over to them and started examining Faith.  
  
"Faith, does it hurt?" she asked softly, but Faith didn't respond. She just stared over where Bosco was lying and watched how Doc and Carlos were working frantically on him. She prayed that he would be all right, that she wouldn't have to tell Anna that the unthinkable had happened.  
  
"Doc, he's not breathing!" Carlos said, panic in his voice.  
  
"Then bag him!" Doc said and looked up from Bosco's wounds.  
  
"I can't. There's too much blood!" Carlos said desperately.  
  
"Then suck him!"  
  
"I have. It doesn't help!"  
  
" Move over here, I'll do it," Doc said and let Carlos put pressure on Bosco's wounds instead. He turned Bosco over on his the side and a lot of blood ran out from his mouth. Doc turned him back again and said to Johnson, the paramedic who had replaced Alex:  
  
"Johnson suck here! Hold it to the left!" Then he quickly put the tube down Bosco's throat and pressed the bag. He nodded, pleased with himself, as he watched Bosco's chest rise and fall.  
  
"Doc, we gotta get moving, his blood pressure is falling. He's bleeding out!" Johnson said. Doc nodded and looked over at Kim, who was still tending to Faith, and yelled:  
  
"Kim, do you have it?"  
  
"Yeah, just go!" Kim said, waving them off.  
  
"Bos," Faith whispered and tried to take a step forward. "I have to go with Bos."  
  
"No honey. You can't. You would only be in their way. Come on, you need to go to the hospital too. The bullet is still in there. I'll take you. You'll see him there," Kim said softly.  
  
Faith nodded sadly. The shock and the blood loss were starting to make her feel weak and dizzy and she willingly let Kim lead her to the other bus. She felt Davis hand on her arm again and turned her head to look at him.  
  
"I'm riding with you, OK?" he said and smiled reassuringly at her.  
  
She nodded again and said absently: "Anna, I gotta tell Anna."  
  
"I'll do it for you. I promise. Don't worry about it," Davis said, but deep inside he wondered why on earth he had volunteered to such an awful task.  
  
*****************  
  
Davis hesitantly approached the nurse's desk at the children's ICU. He was terrified. He had never before had to tell anyone that their loved one's had been shot, and he wished as hell that he hadn't promised Faith to do it, but he had. So here he was, scared almost to death, about to scare the shit out of an unsuspecting, innocent woman. He had no choice though. Faith had passed out on the way to the hospital and although she was awake again, she was far too weak to do it herself. He saw a nurse sitting by the desk and cleared his throat and prepared himself to ask for Anna. The nurse looked up, and he saw that it was Anna. Her face lit up when she recognized him. She smiled kindly at him and said:  
  
"Ty, nice to see you. What brings you here?"  
  
Anna didn't suspect that something was wrong, because in her mind Bosco being hurt at work was connected with Faith telling her. She didn't connect Ty with that kind of news, not at all. Ty on the other hand was completely caught off guard when he saw that it was Anna, and at first he didn't know what to say.  
  
"I..um.well Bosco..he's..he got shot today, " he finally managed to get out.  
  
Anna looked at him, her eyes growing wide with fear. No, she though. No, not again. She remembered the last time when Faith came to tell her the same thing, and when she thought about it she could still feel the fear she had felt that day. She didn't want to hear that once more. It just couldn't be true, but she knew it was. She took a deep breath and looked at Ty and asked; just as the last time.  
  
"How bad Ty? How bad?" And just as the last time she begged God not to take him away from her.  
  
Ty swallowed hard. "I don't really know, but the bullets went through the vest and he was bleeding pretty badly, but he's still alive. They took him to surgery ten minutes ago."  
  
"Cop killer bullets," Anna whispered as she closed her eyes and prayed even harder to God to let him live. Cop killer bullets had always been her worst nightmare. Suddenly she realized that the one giving her the bad news was Ty, not Faith. She quickly opened her eyes and looked at Ty in horror.  
  
"Oh my God Ty, where's Faith? She's not dead, is she? Please tell me she's not dead!" she pleaded with him.  
  
"No, no. She's not dead, but she got hurt too. She's all right though. The bullet only hit her in the shoulder. She's gonna be OK. She's waiting for surgery right now," Ty said, somewhat happy to have some good news to tell her.  
  
"Thank God," Anna whispered.  
  
"She wants to see you."  
  
Anna nodded. "Let me just tell them I gotta leave," she said and tried to keep her emotions at bay. If she was going to get Bosco, Faith and herself through this she needed to be strong.  
  
She didn't have to tell anyone anything though. The head nurse had overheard almost the whole conversation, and when Anna turned around, her boss just looked at her and said:  
  
"Just go. I'll pray for you all." Anna nodded and followed Ty through the doors.  
  
When they reached the ER, Anna immediately spotted nurse Proctor and hurried towards her. She knew that Proctor had seen Bosco, and she knew that she would know how bad he was. Proctor saw her coming and wished she could run away. She knew there was no way she would be able to keep the truth from her colleague. Anna reached her and looked her in the eyes as she said breathlessly:  
  
"Mary?"  
  
Proctor knew that the chance for Bosco to survive this was very small, if there even was one. She tried to keep the truth out of her eyes but Anna was a nurse too. She knew their silent language, and Proctor was aware of that so she just looked sadly at her and said:  
  
"I'm so sorry Anna. I'm so sorry."  
  
Anna swallowed hard and nodded, then she said:  
  
"Where's Faith? She wanted to see me."  
  
"In exam two. She's gonna be fine," Proctor said and smiled weakly.  
  
" I know," Anna said quietly and headed towards Faith's room.  
  
Faith's eyes were closed, but she heard someone entering the room and felt dread rise inside. She knew it had to be Anna, and she had dreaded the moment when she had to face her ever since she woke up. How could she tell her that Bosco was on the operating table because of her? That he might die because of her? Anna was going to hate her, that's for sure.  
  
Anna looked at Faith's still form and pale face, and felt tears forming in her eyes. Seeing Faith like this made the whole thing with Bosco feel more real and it took all she had not to break down. She went and sat down next to the bed and took Faith's hand.  
  
"Faith," she whispered quietly.  
  
Faith knew there was no escape now so she opened he eyes and looked at Anna.  
  
"I'm so sorry Anna, I'm so sorry," she whispered with anguish in her voice.  
  
Anna smiled at her through her tears and said:  
  
"You have nothing to be sorry for Faith."  
  
"Yes I have."  
  
"No you haven't."  
  
Faith tried hard not to cry as she said: "Yes I have. You don't understand.."  
  
Anna cut her off. "Yes I do, believe me. He took the bullets for you, didn't he?"  
  
"Yes he did. How did you know?" Faith whispered unhappily.  
  
" I've always known he would do that if he could. I've been married to cops all my grown up life Faith and I have always known the rule. Bosco has always made it clear to me. Not that he had to. I knew it anyway."  
  
"What rule?" Faith asked weakly.  
  
"First Faith, then Faith, then Faith and then me and the boys. The partner is always most important, and you know it as well as I do. It's the same for you. The only difference is that the name in the rule is Bosco, not Faith," Anna said and smiled sadly.  
  
"I'm so sorry," Faith whispered again. She felt incredibly guilty.  
  
"Don't worry about it. I'm glad you're OK."  
  
"But what if he dies?" Faith whispered desperately.  
  
"Don't talk like that, please don't talk like that," Anna said and tried to hold back her tears.  
  
They looked at each other in silence for a few moments and they both noticed how hard the other woman tried not to cry. Finally Anna said:  
  
"Bosco's girls don't cry, huh?"  
  
Faith looked down at her blanket. "I guess they don't."  
  
"It's not like he can see us or anything," Anna in a shaky voice. Then she carefully pulled Faith into a hug, and with that they both started to cry. They cried like they never had cried before. They cried in fear of losing the man they both loved. It was like they hoped that the fact that they broke one of his rules would make him so mad that he'd survive just so he could come back and kick their asses for disobeying his wishes. 


	22. Chapter twentytwo

TITLE: One heart beat for every lost day.  
  
AUTHOR: faith_in_Faith  
  
E-MAIL: faith_in_Faith@hotmail.com  
  
DISCLAIMER: Don't owe a thing...  
  
RATING: PG-13  
  
SPOILER: Up to and including season four.  
  
AUTHORS NOTE: Big thanks to wine_into_ water, and Jenny for all your help, and BIG THANKS to my reviewers for making this possible. I owe you big time. : ) Well the final counts down. when you have read this it's only one chapter left..  
  
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO  
  
Anna stood in the hallway and looked at the elevator doors with an empty stare. They had brought Faith up to surgery just a few minutes ago and now, when no one needed her to be strong, Anna was dangerously close to a complete breakdown. She had never been this afraid before. Not even Thomas had been able to make her feel this kind of fear. It felt like she couldn't breathe. She didn't even dare to pray, because she was afraid to use the line; "Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven." What if what God wanted and what she wanted wasn't the same anymore? What if God wanted to have Bosco back? Suddenly she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned around and met Davis' eyes. They were filled with compassion.  
  
"Are you OK?" he asked.  
  
Anna took a shuddered breath and nodded.  
  
"Nurse Proctor said we could wait upstairs. We'll be more comfortable there."  
  
"OK," she said quietly.  
  
Suddenly she saw Swerski and Sully hurrying towards them. They stopped in front of her and Swerski looked at Anna and said:  
  
"Is there any news?" Anna shook her head.  
  
"I'm sorry," Swerski said in a weary voice. "If there's anything I can do."  
  
"Please turn back time," Anna whispered and looked down at the floor.  
  
Swerski sighed and looked over at Sully. He nodded slightly.  
  
"Anna," he said gently. "We can't get hold of Fred or Faith's kids. They don't answer the phone or the door. Do you know where they are?"  
  
Anna looked at them with horror in her eyes when she realized that she had forgot to call Emily and the boys.  
  
"Oh my God Sully! I've forgot to call the boys! Emily is babysitting for us tonight," she said hysterically. She saw the worry in his eyes and took a deep breath, in an attempt to pull herself together.  
  
"Do you want me to call her for you?" Davis offered, silently wishing she would turn down the offer. He had had enough of this for one day. Anna shook her head.  
  
"No I'll do it," she answered tiredly, and went down the hall to the payphones.  
  
She dialed the number and heard it ring twice. It was just a little after seven pm and she prayed that Emily would be the one who answered the phone. The boys were probably still up and she didn't have enough strength to talk to them right now without scaring them. Emily picked up on the third ring and said cheerfully:  
  
"At the Boscorelli's."  
  
"Hi Em, it is Anna."  
  
Emily heard the catch in Anna's voice and got scared. She had never heard Anna's voice sound anything but calm and confident. If Anna sounded like this, something had to be wrong.  
  
"Hi Anna. What's wrong?" she asked, fear touching her voice.  
  
Anna swallowed hard, took a deep breath and said:  
  
"I'm sorry Emily. I don't want to scare you, but Faith got shot today."  
  
She could hear Emily inhale sharply. She understood that Emily was afraid, so she tried to make her voice sound a bit more confident before she continued.  
  
"It's nothing serious. She's gonna be OK. The bullet only hit her in the shoulder. She's in surgery right now."  
  
"What happened? Why did she get shot? Where the hell was Bosco?" Emily said accusingly and her voice was filled with anger. Bosco was supposed to protect her mother from getting shot. That was the whole idea with this partnership thing.  
  
Anna closed her eyes when she heard the accusation. She was happy that Bosco couldn't hear Emily right now, because that kind of accusation would have made him break down with guilt for sure. She couldn't get angry with her though. The poor kid was afraid, and when you're upset you say cruel things, but she could feel tears starting to fill her eyes again.  
  
"Emily," she said softly. "He was there. He got shot too. The bullets went through his vest, and right now he's in surgery, just like your mother."  
  
When Emily heard the words "He got shot too," she realized something that she knew she should have known all along. Of course Bosco had been there, and of course he was worse off than her mother. He had probably tried to keep her out of fire, just as a good partner should. Her mother used to tell her, every now and then, that she was a lot like her father, and in this moment Emily realized that that wasn't a compliment. She felt incredibly ashamed of herself.  
  
"I'm sorry Anna. I'm so sorry, but he.h..h.e'll be OK, right?" she stammered.  
  
"They don't know honey. They don't know. He's very badly hurt since the bullets went through his vest and.." Anna's voice trailed off. She knew that if she said another word she would start crying and she didn't want to frighten Emily any further.  
  
Emily heard that Anna was very close to tears, and she knew it was time for her to prove that she was just as grown up as she always claimed she was.  
  
"Do you want me to tell Samuel and Adam and bring them to the hospital for you?" she asked, trying hard to sound just as calm and confident as Anna usually did.  
  
"No thanks Emily. It isn't you your call, and I don't want them to be here. I can't deal with them right now," Anna said wearily. "I'll call Steven and have him to come and pick them up and tell them. You need to come over here, because we can't get hold of your brother or your father. You don't know where they are, do you?"  
  
"They are at a football game tonight, but they should be home any minute now. I call dad and tell him what have happened. He and Charlie will come down and stay with mom. I'll stay here," Emily said firmly. She knew that Anna really needed someone there with her right now, and Steven was the only one she had.  
  
Anna ran her hand through her hair tiredly. Why couldn't that kid just do as she was told? She really didn't have the energy to argue with her about this.  
  
"No Emily it's OK. You need to be with your mom. Steven will be with you soon, OK?"  
  
Emily could tell that Anna was dangerously close to her limit right now, so she bit down her bottom lip and tried to choose the right words.  
  
"No Anna, listen to me. Mom is gonna be OK, and Dad and Charlie are gonna be there soon. I'll call Steven for you and tell him what has happened and ask him to get down to the hospital and stay with you. Don't worry about the boys. I'll stay with them for as long as you need me to, OK?"  
  
Anna gave up. She didn't have the energy to put up a fight, and she knew that when it came to stubbornness Emily was her mother's daughter, so she just sighed and said:  
  
"OK, but you don't have to tell Samuel and Adam what has happened. I'll do it later, when I know more."  
  
"Anna," Emily said softly. " They'll know. They aren't stupid and they're cop kids. If neither of you come home tonight they'll know something is wrong."  
  
Anna rubbed her face tiredly. She knew Emily was right. God! Why did everything always have to be so complicated?  
  
"OK, tell them then, but I don't want them to be here until I know if he's gonna make it or not."  
  
"Is he really that bad off?" Emily asked quietly.  
  
"Yes Em, he is."  
  
"Anna?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"He took the bullets for her, didn't he?"  
  
"Yes honey he did."  
  
"I'm so sorry."  
  
"Don't be."  
  
"I'll make sure Samuel and Adam know he did."  
  
"Thanks," Anna said and hung up the phone. She felt her knees buckle and was about to fall over, but Davis had been watching her all the time and he caught her. He held her tightly and whispered soothingly:  
  
"It's gonna be OK. Everything is gonna be just fine, " wishing more than anything that he was telling the truth.  
  
*****************  
  
Anna sat in a chair in the waiting room and twisted the wedding ring on her finger over and over again. She looked down at the plain gold band and sighed. They had been married for a little more than a year now. The love of her life had finally asked her to marry him. One of her biggest wishes had come true, but it hadn't been anything magic about it at all. The reason he asked her in first place was because of the situation they were in now. He was worried about what would happen to her if anything would happen to him. How she would manage to support the boy's and herself if he wasn't around anymore.  
  
She remembered the day he proposed as if it was yesterday. It was a cold, rainy day in October. He got home late from work, and he was tired and had a cold, so he didn't look even the slightest bit like a prince. She remembered how he drew a Kleenex from the box on the coffee table, blew his nose and said:  
  
"I've been doing some thinking lately and I think we should get married."  
  
"What?" She hadn't believed what she heard. They had never talked about this before, ever.  
  
"Yeah well, I thought that if anything would happen to me, you'd get my pension and insurance money and stuff. You'd be able to keep the apartment and afford a babysitter to the boys, and so on. You would all be provided for, if you know what I mean," he said and looked seriously at her.  
  
"Are you proposing to me?"  
  
He looked at her, a bit confused, blinked a few times, sniffed and said:  
  
"I guess I am. So what do you say? Do you wanna marry me?"  
  
Anna couldn't help but laugh.  
  
"You're such a sweet talker Bos. How could I resist? You're offering me all your money, aren't you?"  
  
Bosco gave her an embarrassed smile, sneezed and said:  
  
"I'm not doing this the right way, am I?" Anna smiled.  
  
"Don't worry about it. It's OK. I get the point."  
  
"No wait, let me try again OK?" She nodded.  
  
"Anna Lewis I love you. Do you want to be my wife?" he asked with a smile.  
  
"Yes Bos, I'd love to be your wife."  
  
And that was it. They got married three weeks later. It was a very small, plain wedding. Steven preformed the ceremony and the only people there were Samuel and Adam, Faith and her family and Bosco's mom. It was as far from a fairytale wedding as you could get, but Anna didn't care. Her life with Bosco had never been anything like a fairytale anyway. So the wedding fit just perfectly with the rest.  
  
"Is there any news yet?"  
  
Fred's worried voice made Anna snap back to reality. She looked up and saw him and Charlie talk to Sully. Suddenly Fred turned his head, and when he saw her, he quickly walked up to her and said:  
  
"I told her he was trouble. I told her she'd end up dead because of him, but would she listen? No! Bosco will always protect me and be there for me," he said in a whiny voice, who obviously was meant to sound like Faith's." Protect her, my ass. Where the hell was Bosco when she needed him, huh? How come she ended up in surgery with a bullet in her shoulder if he was protecting her?" Fred shouted angrily at Anna.  
  
Fred implying that Bosco hadn't been there for Faith became too much for Anna and she stood up, looked at him and said angrily:  
  
"Yeah Fred, Faith is in surgery with a bullet in her shoulder and for that I'm sorry, but she will be fine. When the operation is over she will be just fine, and in a couple of days she will be home with you and the kids again. Bosco, on the other hand, is lying on an operating table fighting for his life, because of two cop killer bullets he took to protect HER. So stop accusing him for not being there for her and get the hell away from me!"  
  
"Come on dad leave her alone, " Charlie said and took Fred by the arm. "I'm sorry," he said and smiled apologetically at Anna." I hope uncle B will be all right."  
  
Charlie's kind words made Anna calm down. She sat back down on the chair and put her head in her hands. In that moment Steven arrived. He walked up to his sister immediately and knelt down in front of her.  
  
"Anna," he said gently and stroke her hair. She lifted her head and looked at him with tear filled eyes.  
  
"He got shot Steven. He got shot," she said with despair in her voice.  
  
"I know honey. I know, but it's OK. He'll be all right. He's strong," Steven said soothingly and took Anna in his arms.  
  
" But what if he dies Steven? I don't want him to die!" Anna sobbed and clung in to him like a little child.  
  
"He won't die. God will watch over him," Steven said as reassuringly as he could.  
  
"But what if God wants to have him back! It feels like he wants to have him back. It feels like I'm gonna lose him!" Anna cried hysterically.  
  
Steven felt dread rise inside. What if Anna was right? What if God really wanted to have Bosco back? He quickly dismissed the thought. If he should be able to stay strong and help Anna through this he needed to trust in God. He needed to believe that Bosco would survive, but deep inside, a feeling of fear lingered, a feeling that Anna was right and he was wrong. He didn't say anything to her though. He just held her as she cried.  
  
**********  
  
The next day, 7:46 am:  
  
Anna yawned. She was the only one awake. Steven and Davis had fallen a sleep some time during the night, but she didn't care. They were there if she needed them. Faith had come back from surgery almost eight hours ago and Anna had already talked to her once. She was OK, well as OK as she could be, considering the fact that no one could tell her if Bosco was going to make it or not. Suddenly she heard steps coming down the hall and looked up. She hoped it was the doctor, but it wasn't. It was Rose. They looked at each other in silence for a minute, and then Rose said:  
  
"I told him it was a dangerous job. I told him he would get himself killed, but he never listens to me."  
  
Anna closed her eyes, and said:  
  
"Rose please, not now."  
  
For some reason Rose and Anna didn't get along very well. Anna didn't really know why. It wasn't that she disliked Rose in any way. She hardly ever disliked people, but Rose always looked at her like she was something the cat had dragged in, like something that didn't belong there. If Anna hadn't known better she would have thought that Rose was jealous.  
  
Rose looked at Anna and closed her mouth. She had never been able to stand Anna. The reasons to that were two. First of all because, for some unknown reason, when she looked in to Anna's big blue eye's she always saw the truth about herself and her sorry life, and she didn't like what she saw, but mostly she was jealous. Anna had always managed to do something for her Maurice that she had never been able to do herself. Anna could make him feel calm and happy. She could make him feel safe. She could make him feel loved. Rose had never managed to do any of that, and Anna made her feel like a really bad mother. For once though, she felt sorry for her, because today she saw something in Anna's eyes that she'd never seen there before, fear. She knew it was time to be nice, because whether she liked it or not, Maurice loved Anna and Anna loved Maurice, and so did Rose. She knew that if he died they would need each other. So she looked kindly at Anna and said:  
  
"You're right. I'm sorry."  
  
Anna just nodded and suddenly the doctor, who had operated on Bosco, stood in front of them. His name was Bobby Carter and when he looked at Anna he realized that he knew her. They'd worked together a few years ago.  
  
" Anna," he said questioningly. "Are you Office Boscorelli's wife?"  
  
"Yes," Anna said quietly. "How is he?"  
  
Bobby looked at her, and just as Procter, he knew that he would never be able to keep anything away from her, so he just looked at her and said:  
  
"He's still alive Anna, but that really is the only good news I have. The bullets didn't hit his heart, but that's also pretty much the only thing they didn't hit. We had to remove his spleen and his right kidney. There was some minor damage to his lever, and serious damage to the intestines, so we had to put up a colostomy. There's also severe damage to his right lung, but I think we managed to repair it quite good. I have to be honest with you though. It doesn't look good. The next 72 hours will be critical, but even if he survives that long, I can't promise you he will be all right. He pretty much bled out for us on the table and his blood pressure was under 60 and you know what that means."  
  
"Multiple organ failure," Anna whispered almost inaudible. Bobby nodded gravely.  
  
"Yeah, I'm sorry Anna. It really doesn't look good, but he has to be a fighter to survive this far, so who knows?" he said and shrugged, and with that he turned and left.  
  
Davis looked questioningly at Anna and asked:  
  
"What did all that mean in English?"  
  
Anna looked at him with a look of shock and utter despair in her eyes and said:  
  
"It means that Bos most likely will die, and even if he doesn't, he will never be OK again," and with that she sunk down on her knees and started to cry as she said over and over again:  
  
"Please God let me keep him a little bit longer, please."  
  
Steven got down on his knees in front of her and tried to sooth her. Rose just stood there and stared in front of her, and a stunned Davis tried to come up with a way to break the news to Faith. 


	23. Chapter twentythree

TITLE: One heart beat for every lost day.  
  
AUTHOR: faith_in_Faith  
  
E-MAIL: faith_in_Faith@hotmail.com  
  
RATING: PG-13  
  
DISCLAIMER: Don't owe a thing, as usual.  
  
SPOILER: Up to and including season four.  
  
AUTHORS NOTE I: Well all my friends and faithful readers; this is the end.I have to admit it feels a bit sad, but I want to thank you all that have read and reviewed this for your support! Without you there had been no story! : ) So THANK YOU! Hope to see you all in another story soon ; ) Thanks also to Carina, Jenny and wine-into-water my faithful and patience beta-readers. I owe you big time!  
  
Well here we go.  
  
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE  
  
Three weeks later:  
  
Anna put the sandwiches and milk bottles in Samuel and Adams lunchboxes, added an apple and closed them. She lifted her head and looked out through the kitchen window. The morning sun was shining brightly and it looked like it would be a wonderful day. She sighed. For once she didn't like the sun. A gray, rainy day would be more appropriate, considering the mood she was in and the bad turn her life had taken. She was very worried about Bosco, because she wasn't sure he was going to make it. Actually, if she was honest with herself, she was sure he wouldn't.  
  
He had woken up briefly forty-eight hours after the operation, but the doctors wanted to keep him sedated a little bit longer in order to give his body a chance to heal. Four days later they allowed him to wake up and extubated him. His lungs were working fine, but that was pretty much the only thing in his body that worked fine. His wounds didn't heal the way they were supposed to and kept getting infected all the time. He couldn't keep any food down, so they had to give him all nutrients in intravenous drips. His only kidney didn't work properly either and he needed dialysis almost every day. It was hard on him, and he was always totally exhausted afterwards. He was extremely weak and could hardly stand straight even when they held him. At first she actually thought he was going to make it, because his first words when he woke up were:  
  
"Faith OK?" said with his usual annoyed tone of voice.  
  
He was extremely pissed with everyone and everything. She was sure he was going to have a heart attack when he discovered his colostomy. Not to mention that he threw a glass of water at the poor doctor when he told him it would most likely be permanent, but the past week his will to put up a fight had subsided dramatically, and Anna knew his physical condition was failing as well. He was about to lose the battle and there was nothing she could do about it. She was pretty sure he was aware of it too, but Faith wasn't. She didn't want to see it, and Anna knew she had to have a talk with her real soon. She didn't look forward to it at all. She sighed again and rubbed her face tiredly.  
  
"Mom?" Anna turned around and saw Adam standing in the doorway.  
  
"Yes?" she answered and gave him a weary smile.  
  
"Can I ask you something?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
"Is Bosco ever gonna get any better?"  
  
Anna took a deep breath and tried to come up with an answer. She decided to stick to the truth. She had always tried to be honest with them, because she knew kids weren't stupid. They usually knew when you lied to them, and Anna had always thought that they dealt better with bad things if you were honest with them. So she just said:  
  
"No, I don't think so."  
  
"Do you really think he'll die?" Samuel said from behind his brother.  
  
Adam looked at her with big eyes and the pain she saw in them made her want to cry. Adam's reaction to all this pain was anger; because that was something he had learned from Bosco. If something hurt so much you don't know what to do, you can always get angry. So he looked angrily at Anna and said:  
  
"Why do you talk like that? Do you want him to die?" Anna swallowed hard and tried to make her voice steady.  
  
"No, of course not. Why would I want that? I love him, but Adam some things you can't control, you know." Adam heard Bosco's voice in his head.  
  
"Things I can't control can happen at work."  
  
Bosco got shot the day he told him that, and Adam learned that one of the few things in life that Bosco couldn't control were gunmen. Now he knew another one, death. He looked at his mother and saw that he had hurt her. He immediately calmed down. No matter how much he took after Bosco, when it came to it he was his mother's son and he couldn't stay angry for that long.  
  
"I'm sorry," he said regretfully. Anna walked up to him and embraced him.  
  
"I know. It's OK."  
  
"Can we see him today?" Samuel asked quietly.  
  
"Of course! He'd be angry with me if I didn't bring you there. I pick you up after school and we'll go and see him, OK?" They both nodded and Anna handed them their lunches and said:  
  
"Here. We gotta go or we gonna be late," and with that they all left.  
  
***********  
  
Bosco shifted with great difficulty in his bed. He was feeling like crap, and for some reason the bed felt very uncomfortable today. The nauseous- ness was worse too. He guessed it was because he was running a fever again. Not that he ever felt all that great nowadays. Ever since he woke up almost three weeks ago he had been feeling like crap everyday. Some days were better, some were worse, but one thing was for sure. He always felt like crap.  
  
It didn't surprise him though. How were you supposed to feel any other way when they had removed half the stuff inside you and put the other half, that was supposed to be in there, on the outside? He hated how weak he was, and he hated that he wasn't in control of anything anymore, not even his own body. He couldn't even decide when to pee or shit. It just happened and the nurses collected it in bags. It was disgusting and he hated it.  
  
Yeah well, at least he had hated it before, but the past week he had felt more calm and patient, in peace actually. He knew it probably wasn't a good thing. In order to get better you have to fight, and he didn't feel like fighting anymore. He wondered if he felt like this because life was leaving him. He was pretty sure it was, and it didn't surprise him. What did surprise him was that it didn't upset him. It wasn't like he didn't care, but he had a feeling he had no other choice than to accept.  
  
He wondered if Anna knew he was dying. He had a feeling she did. He had searched her eyes the last couple of days for signs that she knew, but he hadn't found anything. That didn't mean she didn't know though. After all, she was a nurse and they were supposed to be able to keep those things to themselves. He sighed and shifted once more and when he did, he suddenly felt extremely nauseous and he knew he was going to be sick.  
  
Faith had been watching him the whole time, and when she saw the look of discomfort on his face she immediately got worried. She leaned closer and asked:  
  
"Bos what's wrong? You're in pain?" Bosco opened his eyes and said weakly.  
  
"Please Faith help me. I'm gonna be sick."  
  
Faith immediately grabbed a vomit bag, raised the head of the bed and put her arm around his back for support as he threw up. When he was done Bosco leaned back and closed his eyes again. Faith took a washcloth, wiped away the cold sweat on his forehead with a gentle hand and said:  
  
"Feeling any better?"  
  
"Yeah," he said, his voice so weak it was almost inaudible.  
  
Bosco kept his eyes closed and continued to think. The only thing that really sucked with this dying business was the fact that you had to hurt people you loved by leaving them behind. He wasn't all that worried about his mother. She had Mikey, and she would find a way to get over him. He knew that. Despite the fact that he loved Anna and probably was going to miss her like hell, even in heaven-where he hopefully would end up- he wasn't all that worried about her either. She was a survivor. He knew she could live without him if she had to, and she had Steven. Bosco knew he would look after her for him.  
  
Faith, on the other hand, was a whole different story. He wasn't so sure she would be doing all that great without him, because Fred wasn't a very supportive person when it came to Faith. Neither was she as strong as Anna, and she had to learn to trust a new partner at work, and trust wasn't anything that came easy to Faith. Bosco knew that from experience. Not to mention the fact that she kept blaming herself for his situation. She really thought it was her fault.  
  
He sighed and shifted again. He was really feeling crappy today. It was impossibly for him to get comfortable. He knew he probably was running out of time, so he decided to talk to Faith about the subject they had avoided the last couple of days because it upset her so.  
  
"Faith."  
  
"Yeah Bos."  
  
"You know this isn't your fault right?"  
  
"Yeah," she said quietly.  
  
"You're lying," Bosco said accusingly. Faith took a deep breath and tried to suppress her tears.  
  
"But you took the bullets for me, you can't deny that, can you? If I had been shot instead, you had been fine now."  
  
"We don't know that, and besides, then you had been shot instead and that hadn't solved anything. Please Faith, stop blaming yourself, please!"  
  
"It's easier said than done," Faith said, her voice still very quiet.  
  
"Please do it for me. Please Faith. Don't make me feel like I did the wrong thing, that I'm feeling this crappy for nothing," he said pleadingly in a very weak voice. He was starting to feel completely exhausted. Faith took his hand and gently run her hand through his damp hair.  
  
"Ok Bos. I'll stop blaming myself for you, if that makes you happy," she said and smiled.  
  
"Good!" he said and closed his eyes as he murmured: "I'm so tired."  
  
"It's OK. You just rest, you need it," Faith said softly.  
  
She watched him fall asleep and sighed. She was very worried about him, because she didn't recognize him anymore. He was too quiet and reasonable. He hadn't put up a fight in days. It was like he didn't care anymore. Like he'd given up, but that wasn't possible. He wasn't a quitter, right? She tried to suppress the feeling of up-coming disaster that was rising inside her. She tried to ignore the fact that he really looked bad today. It was just because of the fever he was running. He had probably had this infection coming the whole week, and that was why he had been so quiet. That had to be the explanation. Now, when they knew, they would treat it and he would be OK. There was no reason to worry. She knew that. At least she tried to convince herself that that was what she knew. She lifted her gaze from Bosco's still form and spotted Anna at the nurse's desk. She felt almost relieved that she was there. It had been a very long night, because Bosco hadn't slept well, probably because of the fever he woke up with, and she felt exhausted. She stood up, kissed Bosco's forehead and whispered:  
  
"Bye Bos. See you later."  
  
*********************  
  
About the same time outside the room:  
  
"Hi Sally," Anna said with a smile and walked up to the nurse's desk. "How's Bosco today?"  
  
The nurse at the desk looked up, and the look on her face made Anna's smile disappear immediately.  
  
"Sally what's wrong?" she asked worriedly.  
  
"I'll page Stefano for you," Sally said and completed the task, making sure to avoid eye contact with Anna.  
  
"Come on Sally. Tell me what's going on," Anna said quietly. Sally looked at her and her eyes were filled with pity.  
  
"He's running a fever and.." her voice trailed off.  
  
"And what?" Anna said impatiently. Sally sighed and said unhappily.  
  
"Please Anna, just let Stefano explain it all to you. You know this isn't my call." Anna leaned against the desk and sighed heavily.  
  
"That bad, huh?"  
  
"I'm so sorry Anna," Sally said quietly.  
  
After a few moments they both heard footsteps approaching and soon enough Stefano stood in front of them. He looked kindly at Anna, his eyes filled with the same pity that she saw in Sally's eyes just moments ago. Anna took a deep breath and tried to stay strong.  
  
"Stefano, what's going on?"  
  
"He's running a fever again, and I have to tell you it doesn't look good."  
  
"Where's the infection located this time?"  
  
"According to his oxygen level it's in this lungs, but I think we have more than one source. You know how badly his wounds heal."  
  
"Yeah, I know," Anna said tiredly.  
  
Stefano shifted nervously. He hated doing things like this, and talking to Anna was one of the hardest things he had ever done. She was his friend, and she knew way too much to begin with.  
  
"I want you to know that his vitals are failing and his blood test shows a change for the worse too. The dialyses aren't effective enough and." Anna cut him off and said in a strained voice:  
  
"Are you telling me he's dying?" Stefano sighed.  
  
"Yeah, I guess I am. You know me Anna. I hate to lose and you can count on me to do everything I can, for as long as I can, in order to keep him alive, but I'm afraid we're all losing this battle."  
  
"How much longer?"  
  
"You know I can't tell you that."  
  
"OK," Anna said quietly and tried to suppress the urge to scream and cry. Stefano placed a hand on her shoulder and said:  
  
"I'm so sorry Anna." She shook him off.  
  
"Don't. Please Stefano don't, just live me alone!" she said shakily. He nodded his understanding and left.  
  
A feeling of unreality came over Anna. She had thought that she was prepared for this, but she wasn't. When it comes to it she wasn't prepared at all. She wanted to scream and cry, but she knew there was no use. All she could do now was to pray to God for a miracle, but she had a distinct feeling she wasn't going to have one this time. She watched somberly how Faith helped Bosco as he threw up and she felt like crying. She almost wished the damn bullets had taken his life right away. It wasn't fair that he had do endure that kind of pain and discomfort just to live three more weeks. Suddenly, although she hadn't heard her coming, Faith stood in front of her. She smiled and said:  
  
"I'm glad you're here. It's been a hard night. He's running a fever again and he's very restless. I didn't get much sleep, and I'm beat."  
  
Anna quickly wiped away a few tears and took a deep breath in order to pull herself together. She lifted her head, looked at Faith and said quietly:  
  
"I know. They told me." Faith saw the tears and got scared.  
  
"Anna?" she said anxiously.  
  
"Faith," Anna said wearily, her voice strained. "We need to talk. I talked to the doctor just moments ago and he told me that Bos is worse. He told me he's."  
  
"No. NO," Faith cut he off, her eyes so big and desperate that Anna felt like they consumed her. "No, you're not gonna stand here and tell me he's dying. Do you hear me? You're not!" Anna swallowed hard.  
  
"Faith please, listen to me." Faith shook her head and started to back away from her.  
  
"No Anna. I don't wanna hear it. I can't believe you're saying this. I thought you loved him!" she said accusingly.  
  
"I do."  
  
"Then why don't you believe in him? If you love him, why are you standing here telling me you've given up on him?" The enormous pain and anguish in Faith's eyes, together with her accusation, made Anna lose the little self- control she had left.  
  
"Faith please," she said shakily and tears started to run down her cheeks, but Faith just put her hands up in the air and continued to back away from her as she said:  
  
"No Anna, no. I'm not gonna listen to this. I'm not!" and then she turned and left. Anna leaned against the wall and closed her eyes tightly. Please God, she begged. I know I can't keep him, but please give me strength to make it through this.  
  
************  
  
Anna quietly entered Bosco's hospital room. When Faith had left, she had gone to the bathroom and tried to pull herself together before she faced Bosco. She had managed to do so, at least partly. She went and sat down on the chair beside his bed and gently run her hand through his hair. Her touch made Bosco wake up. He opened his eyes and when he saw who sat beside him, he smiled and said:  
  
"Hi Angel Eye."  
  
Anna looked at him and knew she was going to lose him, very soon, because in his eyes she saw nothing but peace. There had been no peace in Maurice Boscorelli's eyes in almost twenty years. No matter how much she loved him. No matter how happy they were together, the haunted look always remained there, but now it was gone. It was replaced by peace, the kind of peace that Anna had only seen in the eyes of people who were dying. The one's who were aware of it, and had accepted their fate. She looked at him and it felt like her heart was shattering into pieces. She loved him so much it almost hurt and the thought of losing him made her want to scream, but she just continued to caress his hair and said:  
  
"How are you feeling?"  
  
Bosco met Anna's beautiful eyes and suddenly he saw something there that he had been looking for the entire past week. A confirmation that she knew what he knew. They were running out of time. He was happy to see it in there, because it made everything so much easier. He wasn't surprised though. She had never let him down before. This was his Anna, faithful to the bitter end. OK, he thought, let's get it over with. He shifted a bit and said:  
  
"Like shit, but that's OK. It's gonna change soon anyway."  
  
Anna swallowed hard and closed her eyes tightly. When she opened them again they were filled with tears.  
  
"Please Bos, don't talk like that," she said softly. Bosco put his hand on her cheek and said gently:  
  
"Don't cry Angel eye. It's gonna be OK, and you know it. I'm gonna be fine.  
  
Anna's chest started to hurt by his words. Him calling her Angel eye all the time only confirmed what she already knew. His time was almost up.  
  
"Yeah I know, but what about me? I breathe only to be with you, remember?" she whispered and fought hard to hold back her tears. Bosco smiled lovingly at her and said firmly:  
  
"No you don't. You can live without me, and we both know that."  
  
"I can, but I don't want to."  
  
"I'm sorry Angel eye, but you have to."  
  
"Please Bosco, I don't want to. It isn't fair. I came back to you," Anna said almost inaudible and she could no longer stop her tears from falling.  
  
"Life isn't fair Anna. I thought you know that by now," Bosco said sadly.  
  
She didn't answer, just sobbed quietly. Bosco felt sorry for her. He wished he could share some of his peace with her. He caressed her hair and said gently:  
  
"Come on Anna. Bosco's girls don't cry, remember?" Anna made a face, but wiped away her tears with the back of her hands and said:  
  
"Yeah, right." Bosco looked seriously at her and said:  
  
"Anna can you do something for me?"  
  
"Anything."  
  
"Take care of Faith for me, will you? She's not used to being alone." She smiled faintly.  
  
"Sure, no problem."  
  
"Look Anna. I'm sorry for everything that ever went wrong between us, but no matter what, I want you to know that you're the best thing that ever happened to me. You and the boys saved my life. I love you."  
  
He closed his eyes and tried to take deep breaths. He felt like crap, and it was hard to breathe. Anna kissed him gently and said firmly:  
  
"And I love you. Always have and always will." He opened his eyes and grinned weakly at her.  
  
"You really have a bad judgment when it comes to me, haven't you?" She grinned back:  
  
"You bet!" Suddenly Sally appeared in the doorway and said:  
  
"I'm sorry to interrupt, but it's time for your dialysis Bosco." Anna bent down, kissed his lips and then stood up and said:  
  
"See you later Bos."  
  
"Yeah later."  
  
For some reason Anna knew this was it. When she came back from the cafeteria and heard the call for a code blue on the dialysis unit, she just knew it was Bosco. She didn't say a word when they told her. She didn't respond in any way, just looked at them with empty eyes like she had lost her mind. She didn't show any emotions at all until Steven arrived, took her in his arms and said the words she hated so much.  
  
"It's gonna be OK Anna. Everything is gonna be just fine." She pulled away from him and shouted furiously:  
  
"Don't you dare tell me it's gonna be OK. Nothing will ever be OK anymore. He's dead Steven! He's dead! Bosco is dead and he's not coming back. So don't tell me it's gonna be OK. Maybe it's gonna get better. Maybe the pain is gonna subside as time goes by, but nothing is ever gonna be OK anymore, because Bosco isn't around. He's dead!" and with that she finally broke down and cried.  
  
Steven pulled her back in his embrace and held her as she cried. He knew she was right. Nothing was ever going to be the same anymore, because Bosco was dead, and with him a piece of Anna's soul.  
  
*****************  
  
Three months later:  
  
Anna finished making the bed and went into the bathroom to get ready for the day. Her gaze fell at Bosco's razor and she swallowed hard as the pain inside her came back with full force. She still missed him so much that it was almost unbearable. The pain she felt inside was so strong it sometimes felt like it was physical, like she could die from it. She didn't though. She woke up every morning to a new day of unbearable pain. It never ended and it still hadn't subsided even the slightest bit.  
  
It was the small innocent things like his razor, clothes or other belongings that created the worst pain, but she still hadn't gathered enough strength to throw them out. She knew she had to sooner or later, but right now she couldn't bring herself to do it. It felt like she would throw out the memories of him as well if she did. She hated this pain. It made her want to punch something or someone although she wasn't usually a violent person, but she felt a need for someone else to suffer like she did.  
  
It made no sense whatsoever, because she knew a lot of people already did, the boys to begin with. They missed him so much. The pain she saw in their eyes every day was heartbreaking, and it made her own pain ten times worse. She wished she could do something to help them, but she knew there wasn't anything she could do, except for hanging around if they needed her. They had to deal with this their own way. She knew they wanted to make the pain go away by hitting things too. She knew it because the school had called and told her that they were more violent nowadays. She had accepted the counseling they offered and prayed it would help, because she didn't know any other way to deal with it.  
  
Charlie had dropped by the other day with Faith. He had wrestled with them and took them to the park to do "guy stuff," just as Bosco used to, and surprisingly it had made them calmer for a little while. Before Charlie left he had looked seriously at her and said:  
  
"They really miss him Anna. I think they need someone to be a bit ruff with them, if you know what I mean."  
  
"I know, but neither I nor Steven is any good at that kind of stuff," she had answered tiredly.  
  
He had looked down at the ground and hesitated for a moment before he said:  
  
"I know, but I can help you out if you want to. I can come here every now and then and hang out with the them, but only if you want me to of course." He had smiled unsurely at her.  
  
"I'd really appreciate if you did that," she had answered gratefully.  
  
She was sure that was a good solution for all of them, even for Charlie. He needed to feel useful, because he missed Bosco a lot too, and Faith was in no condition to help him with his grief. Faith. Anna closed her eyes and sighed when she thought about Faith.  
  
No matter how unbearable Anna thought her own pain was. No matter how much she thought she missed him. It was nothing compared to Faith. Anna couldn't even begin to imagine what kind of pain she was in, but one thing she knew for sure. It was slowly killing her. Faith was totally lifeless, and she showed no emotions whatsoever, except for the enormous pain in her eyes. She barely ate or slept anymore. She just grieved. Anna sighed again and rubbed her face tiredly. She knew she had promised Bosco to look after Faith for him, but she really didn't know how to make this better, and she missed him too much herself to be able to come up with a solution. Suddenly there was a knock on the door. Speaking of the devil, Anna thought tiredly. She knew it was Faith. She always came over around this time if Anna wasn't at work. She opened the door and smiled wearily at Faith:  
  
"Hi."  
  
"Hi," Faith answered, her voice expressionless.  
  
Anna opened the door wider for her to come in, and then she went into the kitchen and put on some coffee. Faith followed her and sat down on one of the chairs at the kitchen table. Anna sat down opposite her and sighed. Faith really looked terrible. Anna had no idea how much weight she had lost since Bosco died, but she could tell it was a lot. She was very thin, and that made her big blue eyes totally dominate her face. She was awfully pale and really looked lifeless. Anna reached out and put her hand on the top of Faith's. It was cold as ice.  
  
"How are you holding up?" she asked softly.  
  
"I'm not," Faith said simply. "You?"  
  
"Barley."  
  
Anna stood up and poured coffee in two mugs and put them on the table. She watched how Faith put her hands around the cup to try to warm herself, and said worriedly:  
  
"Did you get any sleep?" Faith shrugged.  
  
"A couple of hours."  
  
"Did you eat anything today?"  
  
"No." Anna sighed again.  
  
"Faith you can't keep doing this to yourself. You have to eat. You're gonna kill yourself if you keep this up."  
  
"It doesn't sound all that bad, you know. If I die I can see him again and then I don't have to feel all this pain anymore," she said calmly.  
  
"Please Faith, don't talk like that. You're scaring me, "Anna said with anguish in her voice.  
  
"But I can't take this anymore. It hurts too much. I want him back Anna. I want him back!" Faith said desperately and looked pleadingly at Anna. Anna squeezed her hand gently and said:  
  
"I know Faith. I know, but that's not gonna happen, and you know that. We have to move on Faith. We have to."  
  
"Why did he have to die Anna? Why?"  
  
"I don't know," Anna said tiredly, " but what I do know, is that he has peace now and that wasn't something he had when he was alive. Maybe that's the reason. Maybe God wanted him to have peace."  
  
"God, always God," Faith murmured angrily.  
  
"I'm sorry, but that's what I believe in," Anna said quietly.  
  
"I'm sorry," Faith said regretfully. "I didn't mean to act like a jerk, but I don't buy it. He was happy with you."  
  
"Maybe, but the haunted look was still there, every day. No matter how much you and I loved him, and you know it as well as I do." They looked at each other for a while and then Faith whispered:  
  
"I know I have to move on, but I don't know how. All I feel every waken moment is pain. God Anna, I miss him so much I can't breathe!"  
  
"I know," Anna said gently.  
  
Faith looked at her with anguish and despair in her eyes, and then put her head in her hands and whispered:  
  
"Help me Anna, please help me. I don't know what to do."  
  
Anna stood up and went over to Faith. She knelt down in front of her, pulled her into a hug and whispered soothingly:  
  
"I will. We'll get through this together. We'll find a way, I promise."  
  
She felt Faith shake as she started to cry. She was glad she finally did, because she really needed it. Anna didn't cry though. She was done crying over him, and besides, Bosco's girls didn't cry anyway. She knew she could live without him. She had done it before. She could do it again. She wasn't so sure about Faith though. It was like Bosco had said. She wasn't used to being alone and he had never left her before. Anna knew that the only thing they could do right now was to try to keep him and each other alive, by sharing their memories of him. The pain would go away eventually. So she just sat there on the kitchen floor, and held Faith as she cried.  
  
Anna closed her eyes and allowed herself to see the image of Bosco, smiling his boyish smile at her, and her heart beat one beat for every lost day....  
  
AUTHORS NOT II: Yeah I know, this with killing them off is starting to get a bad habit.I'll promise not to do it again, at least not anytime soon ; ) I'm sorry if I disappointed you, but the thing is that right from the start this was the ending I had in mind. When the story went on I started to like Anna and I really tried to come up with another ending but I couldn't get it to work because people like Bosco and Anna doesn't live happily ever after.So once again I'm sorry for doing this, but thanks for following me all the way to the bitter end. You all are as faithful as Anna. ; ) 


End file.
